Anhedonia is inability to experience pleasure (hedonia) from activities that are supposed to produce pleasure, excitement, joy, etc.. it's not depression because you don't feel sad when you have it. I think it might be from when I smacked my head extremely hard off of the road on a go-cart when I was 10. I'm surprised my head didn't explode like a watermelon. Not sure if I blacked out but when I got up I was dizzy and has pins and needles all over my body. Large lump on the back of the head so after. Brain scan says it's ok.

The reason I'm posting in the schizophrenia and psychosis forum is because when I look up "schizophrenia" on the wiki, some of the first symptoms it mentions are;

- "Schizophrenia (/ˌskɪtsɵˈfrɛniə/ or /ˌskɪtsɵˈfriːniə/) is a mental disorder characterized by a breakdown in thinking and poor emotional responses.[1] Common symptoms include delusions, such as paranoia; hearing voices or noises that are not there; disorganized thinking; a lack of emotion and a lack of motivation." Voices are fine now and I don't have "word salad" but it goes on: "as are symptoms of paranoia; social isolation commonly occurs.[11] Difficulties in working and long-term memory, attention, executive functioning, and speed of processing also commonly occur.[2] In one uncommon subtype, the person may be largely mute, remain motionless in bizarre postures, or exhibit purposeless agitation".

So I guess some people here can relate with this problem?

Here's something that I wrote, plagiarized from people that were doped up on risperidone (anti psychotic);

"Life seems like nothing. I believe that this has caused me to be completely flat. I feel like I relive the same day over and over. I feel no emotions. When I watch tv nothing sinks in. I have been brain damaged one way or another. It has ruined my life. I no longer have a personality. I feel like I'm a dead person. My memory is gone. I feel like I'm disconnected from my body. No creativity, no Love to give. I often find myself walking around in a circle out of boredom and restlessness in my current state. I don't get any sensation out of anything and nothing feels good at all. I feel like I have no enthusiasm and I don't want to do anything. I never feel like doing anything like dancing and I don't have much energy. Running is a chore and doesn't feel good like it used to. I walk and talk like a dead person and I cannot move fast at all. People say that I look stoned or on dope. I can't join words together. I don't know how to describe it, just like part of my brain is disconnected and I can't think of anything to say. I can't stand the lethargic feelings. i feel flat every day and produce no emotion whatsoever when having conversations. I have never had a real conversation with anyone since then. Sometimes, I can't even think of a good response to say, it's like I'm not living anymore. It's very hard to get up in the morning and I have difficulty with my appetite. I look at the board at school and its just dead, no thoughts come across my mind. I am feeling this incredible boredom like nothing stimulates my brain. I no longer can genuinely laugh, cry, feel fear or remorse, get those deep feelings from movies/music/weather. Just basic functioning. Mostly I prefer to sleep as this state brings nothing, no joy or pleasure. Friends? Well I have had to wave goodbye to that... I don't feel anything after seeing aquatints or family like I used to. You know, that warm feeling of love and happiness you're supposed to get after seeing your family? I don't get that at all anymore. Well they all said it was depression blah blah and put me on anti depressants but that never cured it I still have to put up with this emptiness and after a while you just forget how you used to feel before it. I am supposed to do what is right for me, to think about the future, and just be happy in the present. Live day by day with no hate. having doctors ignore me when I say how I'm feeling.. it makes me week.. I want to repetitively hit my hand with a hammer to feel something. It's a very disturbing feeling." (I wrote that a while ago. Now I'm literally hitting my head to get rid of my thoughts when I'm agitated).

Build up of dopamine and norepinephrine 1-2 times a week - severe agitation and paranoia - takes risperidones to knock out - anhedonia worse death feeling can't sleep but extremely exhausted - back to original anhedonia with dopamine cleared up nicely. I will not take it every day because that doesn't work and I don't need an antipsychotic. It's anxiety not psychosis. I do have a strong urge to go to the hospital when this happens. Not to be admitted but for them to tell me what the hell is wrong with me and put me to sleep properly. But I can do that myself effectively. It's very severe but my psychiatrist just doesn't give a ****.

Here's some pointless history you don't have to bother reading. It was a complete waste of time and money.

Self DX: OCD and depression
Therapist: "You're a very nervous person. You would benefit from meds".
Doctor: Clonazepam. Need. To. Walk. In front. of truck...
Hospital DX: Psychosis and pervasive developmental disorder: Seroquel and Lexapro.
Cries (Very rare for me) + more psychotic
Psychiatrist DX: Schizotypal. More pills. Risperidone and Prozac.
DX: ADHD and Borderline ("just give me damn seroqeul it's working what the **** is wrong with you you psychopath!?") ("Screw the Seroquel and Clonazepam. Not my fault if you kill yourself. Learn to manage your agitation by yourself with a psychologist"^^).
Walks on the highway and becomes calm with speeding semi-trucks.
Psychologist DX: Schizotypal. ("What the hell is wrong with your psychiatrist? He keeps ignoring me")
RX: Concerta. Concentration is ok. Panics when it wears off.
Drinks with benzos
Another hospital stay and another.
Psychiatrist: ("Your psychologist isn't treating your anxiety properly. Btw you're not depressed. You have anhedonia which you will have to live with for the rest of your life. Deal with it").
SELF DX: ANXIETY.
SELF RX: Prozac cold turkey, BOOZE, CODEINE, NYQUIL AND OTC SEDATIVES ("Screw mental health I'm done.")

I will probably continue to sleep away my time. I want to be alone so I will buy a trailer and live there alone. I'm very cynical that way.

I'll make a poll because I want to know if this is common here. Idk..

I searched and searched through the internet and I see that anhedonia isn't very well known. I have to go deep into the internet to find any professional information on this condition. It says "common causes of anhedonia are schizophrenia, brain damage, substance abuse, depression, PTSD".

Then there's people that made a community of trying to get better. There's thousands of posts on people trying different medications, doing different stuff, etc. SSRIS make it worse. Adderall and Ritalin helps a little for some people. For me it makes it worse. The only success that I see is people getting proper treatment for their anxiety. Because think about it. What do you think about when you're having a panic attack and about to pass out? Nothing!. Then the only other people that got better were the people that say "I've found god and he's cured me!" And obviously the people that abuse heroin etc..

Anything that I can find about treating this, I'll post it in this topic and if anyone else has any thoughts that would be great. And yes I know I don't like forming close relationships but I should be able to at least not drive on the wrong side of the road into on coming traffic because I zone out let alone in conversations.

Should have made an option for "obviously". But maybe not? I don't know..

[The_little_didgee]

I'm not sure if I have experienced anhedonia or not. A recent experience I had seems to be similar to what you described but without the feelings of emptiness. I lost my feelings for about a month. There were times I would feel a little bit. It was a very disturbing experience for me, enough so that I tried to elicit emotions by viewing graphic automobile accident photos. As I did this I felt nothing. Maybe it was a way for me to cope with painful emotions.

I seem to have regained my emotions somewhat but they are still off. Processing and feeling emotions has never been easy for me, because I have a lot of alexithymic traits. This is common for autistic people. Perhaps you have severe alexithymia.

I was diagnosed with major depression in January. This has been one of the worst depressions I have ever had. I can barely function. It has drained me of my life. All I can do is sleep, get out of bed, sit in front of the computer, make something simple to eat and think about death. Things that were once pleasurable are no longer. I quit university because I couldn't think and concentrate. It was too much to get out of bed and get ready for class.

I also have muted affect but I think that is due to autism spectrum disorder rather than a mental illness.

Why do we people with autism spectrum disorder attract personality disorder diagnoses? This is very disconcerting.

Originally Posted by The_little_didgee

I'm not sure if I have experienced anhedonia or not. A recent experience I had seems to be similar to what you described but without the feelings of emptiness. I lost my feelings for about a month. There were times I would feel a little bit. It was a very disturbing experience for me, enough so that I tried to elicit emotions by viewing graphic automobile accident photos. As I did this I felt nothing. Maybe it was a way for me to cope with painful emotions.

I seem to have regained my emotions somewhat but they are still off. Processing and feeling emotions has never been easy for me, because I have a lot of alexithymic traits. This is common for autistic people. Perhaps you have severe alexithymia. .

I also have muted affect but I think that is due to autism spectrum disorder rather than a mental illness.

Why do we people with autism spectrum disorder attract personality disorder diagnoses? This is very disconcerting.

Hmm.. I seem to attract a lot of disorders. It's weird because I'm able to read facial expressions, understand language well such as sarcasm. But then again, I come off as extremely extremely offensive and insensitive because I don't have any consideration for other people what's so ever. Logically I do. I turn lights off when I walk out of the room when people are still in the room. Not to annoy them but idk ill over exaggerate and say that turning off the light kills them.. I make jokes when my sister is sick and about her being sick like a stomach bug or something. Then when she gets angry I think ya maybe I shouldn't have done that. But I'm too impulsive and don't think about it. I know my limits but I continue to go past anyways just so I can get as far as I can until I'm forced to stop...

I'm going on a meaningless thought. But ya.. Autism = people are literally against me and out to get me because I'm a bad person and need to have a certain type of pain or punishment/death (according to them. But in reality, I'm great). I'll look into the alexithymia. I believe I know what my emotions are. But how do I know..

"I was diagnosed with major depression in January. This has been one of the worst depressions I have ever had. I can barely function. It has drained me of my life. All I can do is sleep, get out of bed, sit in front of the computer, make something simple to eat and think about death. Things that were once pleasurable are no longer. I quit university because I couldn't think and concentrate. It was too much to get out of bed and get ready for class".

Last year at this time I felt severely depressed because of the flatness I've been having for years. Right now I'm doing that exact same thing except I don't feel that overwhelming black hole of sadness that was so painful. You can feel the pain. I'm only suicidal now when I'm extremely agitated.

Requote - "All I can do is sleep, get out of bed, sit in front of the computer, make something simple to eat and think about death." This is just my life and your life right now. I didn't get out of bed for 5 days to go to school in the past 2 weeks.

My older brother did the same except he had the motivation to do work but he's (I'll throw out another one) - Schizoid. He lives off of the government and stares at a wall all day. Nothing much I can do. But he did tell me about the VACCINES.. He said we were given vaccines that were used around 20-30 years ago with mercury or some **** in them. They have been banned in Russia and other places for .. Causing autism is what I read? They're still given out in America. And each child gets like 30-40 shots before the age of 2. Nuts.

Hope you get better though. If you feel suicidal and you've made up your mind, ignore that ****. Go to the hospital even if you don't want too.

[The_little_didgee]

Originally Posted by Alonewithmycat

Hmm.. I seem to attract a lot of disorders. It's weird because I'm able to read facial expressions, understand language well such as sarcasm. But then again, I come off as extremely extremely offensive and insensitive because I don't have any consideration for other people what's so ever. Logically I do. I turn lights off when I walk out of the room when people are still in the room. Not to annoy them but idk ill over exaggerate and say that turning off the light kills them.. I make jokes when my sister is sick and about her being sick like a stomach bug or something. Then when she gets angry I think ya maybe I shouldn't have done that. But I'm too impulsive and don't think about it. I know my limits but I continue to go past anyways just so I can get as far as I can until I'm forced to stop...

Perhaps this is due to ADHD. It can cause a lot of social difficulties and even prevent one from imagining or considering the feelings of others.

Keep looking. The professionals don't always have the answers. Often they are wrong or guided by a premature judgement (that is most likely wrong). I just hate to see you get a PD diagnosis before all other conditions are considered.

Originally Posted by Alonewithmycat

I'm going on a meaningless thought. But ya.. Autism = people are literally against me and out to get me because I'm a bad person and need to have a certain type of pain or punishment/death (according to them. But in reality, I'm great).

I don't quite understand what you mean.

NTs don't get it and never will. Socializing comes with ease for them. They are not constantly reminded of their apparent weaknesses. For an autistic adolescent this can be very devastating, because at that age conformity and acceptance is emphasized.

I hope that explanation made sense. My brain is all scattered right now.

Originally Posted by Alonewithmycat

Last year at this time I felt severely depressed because of the flatness I've been having for years. Right now I'm doing that exact same thing except I don't feel that overwhelming black hole of sadness that was so painful. You can feel the pain. I'm only suicidal now when I'm extremely agitated.

Often feelings will only surface when anxiety does. Every feeling seems to come out all at once.

Can you identify what triggers the agitation?

Originally Posted by Alonewithmycat

Hope you get better though. If you feel suicidal and you've made up your mind, ignore that ****. Go to the hospital even if you don't want too.

Thanks. Hospitalization is not an option for me. If I got admitted again it will kill me.

[Rand.]

OP: I didn't answer the poll because I don't officially have either psychosis or sz but I've been told "we're looking at schizoid PD" so. I do really relate to a lot that was written in OP. T spouts out stuff about "quality of life" but I don't see that being possible. I do have emotions though. Sometimes. It's a bit rare but it does happen. Sometimes I express emotions without having them, that happens more frequently. But 95-99% of the time I'm a blank chalkboard. But anyways, I mostly do things now to kill time - as literally as I possibly can. Right now most people think I have depression. Whatever, let them think that. Pdoc keeps trying the ADs and they seem to consistently make things worse or Wellbutrin was the best which did nothing at all it seemed. The SSRI made me dangerously psychotic (self dx) that was the worst effect. I just feel like I'm drifting now and have more carelessness about it all.

[faerie_moon_x]

Well, I have anhedonia and depression, but I couldn't pick both. I think the thing about depression is you don't feel sad. It's not a sadness. It's a big giant bowl full of "I don't give a rat's ***." It saps your motivation and joy but it isn't sadness vs. normal sadness. It's more like an emptiness and a feeling of doom, nothing will ever get better. The key words for depression are hopeless and worthless. That's not to say you can't also feel sad while depressed.

But, with my dysphoria I get a lot of anhedonia, too. Even things I really enjoy I won't get excited. It comes and goes. Other times I get over excited. Hills and valleys. (Mount Everest and the Marianas Trench....)

I should say, I have bipolar, though. Not sz or autism.

[Sometimes psychotic]

So Anhedonia and flat or blunted affect are not the same thing---I did not have anhedonia as I found things pleasant but I did have blunted affect where I was not smiling or otherwise expressing pleasure to others....

So I'll be doing this. Just some notes. I'll be posting more.

NESTOR'S SUBSTANCE MANIFESTO
1.) Avoid states of:
Physical Ailment (check)
Confusion, Delirium, or Psychosis (99% check)
Anxiety (In process)
Depression (maintaining non depressive state)
at all costs in that order always.

2.) Never use a chemical to replace something that is missing unless in the case of a psychiatric emergency - only to enchance what is there. (Risperidone, Prozac 80mg titrating up again for anxiety. Concerta will stay 54mg)

3.) Never use a substance that will cause detrimental rebound effects that are severe or that last longer than the use of the drug. (check. But not so sure for future psychiatrist sessions)

4.) Always wait until the body and mind are properly balanced before proceeding to use of a substance unless in the case of a psychiatric emergency. (check)

5.) Always use the smallest dose and the weakest/safest analogous agent that promotes the desired effect. (check. Maybe not for Prozac but I'll see.)

6.) Never use a stimulant when in an anxious or worried state. Never use a stimulant unless in a very comforting and relaxing environment. Anxiety must be avoided in order to prevent escalation. (Stimulants don't make me anxious)

7.) Avoid chronic use of any substance other than what is required to avoid a psychiatric emergency. (check. Obviously)

8.) Never use a drug in such a way as to promote tolerance, addiction, or dependence unless in the case of a psychiatric emergency. (check)

9.) Use tapering over several days before any substance is added, removed, or changed in dose. (I will ignore this)

10.) Only use benzodiazepines (and only in small doses) to prevent intense acute panic episodes or in the case of total insomnia lasting longer than 2 days. Only use them for the time necessary to avoid severe psychiatric emergencies until stable on an SSRI. (check)

11.) Only use stimulants very sparingly and in low doses to enchance social interactions. (Stimulants don't increase mood - they cause greater mood stability or even depression)

12.) In the use of SSRIs, only use to prevent anxious states for a period of a few months (3-6), then taper off gradually at an established tolerability rate that is dependent on SERT transporter occupation over time. Never wean off quickly and always avoid withdrawal effects (at all costs). (Prozac no withdrawal)

13.) Always carry around an attitude of acceptance of circumstances. Rejection of a blunted state leads to anxiety or depression. Rejection of depression or anxiety amplifies those states. Even in the case that rejection occurs, an equilibrium will be reached given an adequate amount of time (worrying or monitoring prolongs it). Always try to meditate or relax (relaxed, becoming "in tune" with the universe or whatever) wherever you go. If all else fails, return to a blunted nonchalant "not-caring in a bubble bath" state in order to prevent perpetuating psychological issues. Always reinforce self with thoughts outlining why it is possible to come back to an equilibrium state over time (success stories of people you know or have heard of, scientific studies, etc.).

Magnesium can be used in SMALL AMOUNTS to reduce agitation or induce sleep. Fish oil is good to take I guess but nobody knows if it really does anything, and vitamins c and b as well as caffeine can be useful in SMALL amounts for mild stimulation

Notes that aren't mine but agree with mostly;

When I say AT ALL COSTS I mean it - as in don't go to school somewhere that will trigger it, don't get a job that will trigger it, don't live in a place that will trigger it, because it's a downward spiral. Also, I DO NOT BELIEVE THAT DEPRESSION, ANXIETY, OR ANHEDONIA ARE PERMANENT STATES UNLESS SOMETHING IS PERPETUATING THEM such as drug use (including alcohol) or life circumstances (or you have been taking a substantial amount of neurotoxins). No, ssris and ritalin do not qualify as neurotoxins.

I DO NOT BELIEVE THAT THE CHANCES OF STAYING IN A STATE ARE DEPENDENT ON HOW LONG YOU HAVE BEEN IN IT. In other words, you can get better even if you have been feeling this way for 2 years or more.

I believe that the brain usually takes around 3 months to 2 years to reach homeostasis after a major disruption. (Evidenced by first hand accounts as well as from drug abusers and scientific studies).

Don't believe me? Try finding success stories on BenzoBuddies or PaxilProgress. I also know many people who have been in prolonged anhedonic states (years) and got better (usually within 2 years). I am already seeing progress in my own state.

I BELIEVE THAT THE MAIN REASON I AM STILL IN A BLUNTED STATE IS BECAUSE I WAS ANXIOUS OR UNCERTAIN ABOUT FEELING NUMB, AFRAID, AND FELT HOPELESS ABOUT IT. I ALSO BELIEVE THAT STIMULATING MEDICATIONS SUCH AS NRIs, STIMULANTS, AND PARNATE INCREASED ANXIETY, THUS PERPETUATING BLUNTING.

Yes, BOTH depression AND anxiety perpetuate anhedonia/numbness/blunting. Another thing is I strongly urge the use of an SSRI of a longer half-life if one is to take the same route as me for ease of coming off of it (which is the end goal). Discontinuation syndromes and relapse are much higher in discontinuation of SSRIs of short half-lives like Effexor or Paxil. Try Prozac, Lexapro, or even Sertraline instead.

------------------------------------

This guy has tried basically EVERYTHING. ECT WAS DONE 11 TIMES. --DO NOT TRY ECT WHILE ON MEDICATIONS. HE HAD A VERY BAD REACTION. DUTCH PROTOCOl: PATIENTS MUST BE OFF ALL MEDS TO TRY ECT--.