Responses to nosy questions about ethnicity

ive gotten middle eastern. native american. hawaiian. half black/white.

I think that's pretty much what he said.

I was reading through one of those links I posted earlier and found this: "You have repeatedly been the recipient of stares or longer than passing glances from strangers."

The thing is my son would tell me that people were staring at him. And I'd suggest that he was 'imagining it' (i.e., 'being paranoid'). Then I paid more attention and noticed that some people do stare at him. And I'd think, "WTF? What are you looking at?" I mean to me my son is just an ordinary-looking guy. He's not exceptionally short or tall or fat or thin. He's not doing anything particularly odd. Why stare?

Now I wonder if it's that race thing. People trying to puzzle out his race or how he fits in with the family. I know when he was young some people either assumed he was adopted or that he was lost from his real family when they saw him with us. And how does it feed into his paranoia? Is it a contributing factor? Even if it isn't it must certainly exacerbate the problem. And having your mom telling you you're imagining it can't help.

ALSO - He could just say "I'm from the same country as the president."

I love that response. I doubt if my son would be able to carry it off, though.

Once a coworker was prying into his ethnicity (and accusing him of lying, btw). My son actually stood up for himself a bit and asked the guy if he wasn't being a bit nosy and asking personal questions. The guy countered that he was entitled to ask such questions if it helped him to get to know my son better.

You need to teach your son how to respond. That's your job. The fact that you know it bothers him and don't stick up for him is not good. You are the adult and should tell your co worker it isn't his business. If you don't your son will carry a lot of rage because you didn't help him.

This is meant to be a light-hearted thread, although my son does find the subject upsetting.

My son is mixed race - white and black. He looks racially indeterminate, though, and apparently some people find this really uncomfortable, so they'll ask him "What are you?" or "Where are you from?" Then when he says he's black and white or he's from Kansas, some people actually accuse him of lying! Once a cop asked him where he was born. When he told him, the cop said, "You weren't born in Topeka!"

My son really does find this painful. Personally I think he's a walking, talking challenge to peoples' preconceptions and stereotypes. If this were happening to me, I'd probably find it amusing and want to play with people a little bit.

So, I was thinking of ways of deflecting the question. I suggested he pick little-known countries at random and never use the same country twice. Like Lithuania or Albania.

Then I suggested he create mystery by just saying, "You wouldn't believe me if I told you." If they keep asking, he could just shake his head and say, "No one ever believes me."

I was watching a Raffi video this morning. I noticed that Raffi resembles my son, so I looked him up on wikipedia. Apparently he was born in Cairo, Egypt to Armenian parents and raised in Canada. So, I suggested my son claim that pedigree.

Thoughts? Other suggestions? Anyone else have this problem? (If they do, I'm not trying to minimize it by finding joking ways of handling it. My son truly does find it upsetting. I just don't think you should let the boors get you down. And it's not worth it IMO to be aggressive and tell people to mind their own business.)