[Rand.]

So I started a therapy class today... I feel like it's actually a conspiracy but I don't know what yet. But I don't want these people tapping into my brain and manipulating things. It's mind control and I don't like it. They say to trust them and I'm not sure I can. Even today I automatically did one of their mind control games against my will. I didn't want to but did it anyways without realizing. They say it's for helping people but it doesn't feel like it is. I'm afraid to talk to the therapists about this because they'll just say to trust them but I'm on the edge about that. Plus I feel like I'm being forced to go through this class or else they won't help me anymore. Maybe I should just attend and that's all, but they check to make sure you've been doing what they say all week every day... dunno what to do.

[Sometimes psychotic]

Sometimes it takes a little while to build trust with new people but for me therapy was really helpful, but then I was pretty desperate to feel normal again so I just did whatever they wanted me to try and some of it worked and some of it didn't...

[Rand.]

What they're doing doesn't sound helpful to me and sounds like mind control. Make me more compliant with doing things in ways that uses me in ways I can't describe. Finding it hard to use words right now.

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[Sometimes psychotic]

Originally Posted by Adespota

What they're doing doesn't sound helpful to me and sounds like mind control. Make me more compliant with doing things in ways that uses me in ways I can't describe. Finding it hard to use words right now.

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Oh well its sounds more like psychoeducation maybe than therapy---not sure---I would not have found that helpful at all.
Do you have to do it?

[Rand.]

Yeah I do. It's DBT and I don't know why they're making me do this. I'm afraid of doing their "homework" and what it will do to me. I don't even have the problems they're talking about. Maybe that's why I'm able to see through what they're doing.

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[insilence]

I found my own way out of voices, took me four years and expirements

Originally Posted by Adespota

So I started a therapy class today... I feel like it's actually a conspiracy but I don't know what yet. But I don't want these people tapping into my brain and manipulating things. It's mind control and I don't like it. They say to trust them and I'm not sure I can. Even today I automatically did one of their mind control games against my will. I didn't want to but did it anyways without realizing. They say it's for helping people but it doesn't feel like it is. I'm afraid to talk to the therapists about this because they'll just say to trust them but I'm on the edge about that. Plus I feel like I'm being forced to go through this class or else they won't help me anymore. Maybe I should just attend and that's all, but they check to make sure you've been doing what they say all week every day... dunno what to do.

Hi , your experiences are textbook psychosis. In fact everything you describe , i'd say anecdotally, that 99% of people who endure this condition would have had. Delusions are born , imo, of an inability to communicate , so the brain can not seek clarity or express opinion in a normal way. what is happening in terms of what your senses are absorbing , is that everything becomes heightened , and the merest of utterances becomes dramatically significant , and unfortunately for you , everyone has an opinion and make pronouncements on all kinds of subjects. Based on these pronouncements experienced through altered perception , with an inability to contradict , seek clarity or express emotion , people feel like a vessel into which everyone offloads all manner of opinion. When you throw in a ruminating , obsessive , opposing brain that is suffering all manner of hallucinations you can begin to get an idea on why schiz is such a problem,

[costello]

Originally Posted by Adespota

Yeah I do. It's DBT and I don't know why they're making me do this. I'm afraid of doing their "homework" and what it will do to me. I don't even have the problems they're talking about. Maybe that's why I'm able to see through what they're doing.

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I took a DBT class once. My adopted son was court-ordered to take it when he was a teen, and a parent had to take it too. He hated it - and managed to miss more sessions than he attended. I guess that's how it is with court-ordered therapy - not too therapeutic.

Anyway I loved DBT. I did all the exercises and enjoyed them. It's based in part on Buddhist practices I think, so it really appealed to me.

I missed one session and the teacher let me borrow the tape. It was Marsha Linehan talking about radical acceptance. Wow! I love that woman. I wish the whole class had been watching her on video instead of the real life teacher - who I don't think understood DBT that well.

[Rand.]

I learned radical acceptance last year in a different class and I liked the idea. I don't know why I'm like this right now. If its as Materly says, I'm worried they'll change my med to one with more side affects. But maybe there really is something going on in which case I don't know what to do I mean I have to protect myself.

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[Rand.]

Thanks for all the responses and help btw everyone... Not sure who else I can talk to about this right now.

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Originally Posted by Adespota

I learned radical acceptance last year in a different class and I liked the idea. I don't know why I'm like this right now. If its as Materly says, I'm worried they'll change my med to one with more side affects. But maybe there really is something going on in which case I don't know what to do I mean I have to protect myself.

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I didnt really say that. To put it simply if you cant join a conversation or cant relate , or cant express yourself, it eventually feels like people are talking 'at' you instead of 'with' you. So theres no easy solution , people always behave in this manner , no point trying to change this dynamic. So its really down to gettn a hand on your own emotions , and this is where meds can help.

[Rand.]

Sorry I worded that badly. I should have said something more like if its psychosis like you say I might need a med readjustment or something. I'm concerned if it is because I haven't had an episode for a while and lately I've been seeing symptoms creep up on me and I have no one to monitor this or look after me and my meds. I've said this elsewhere here that my pdoc refuses to see me and I'm having a hard time finding a new one. Ah well I dunno. But I'm confused sorry. Sometimes I read or hear things an no matter how many times or ways I hear it it doesn't make sense to me. I'm not sure if what I am saying even makes sense right now. I'm sorry. I should probably stop talking.

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[Sometimes psychotic]

Originally Posted by Adespota

Sorry I worded that badly. I should have said something more like if its psychosis like you say I might need a med readjustment or something. I'm concerned if it is because I haven't had an episode for a while and lately I've been seeing symptoms creep up on me and I have no one to monitor this or look after me and my meds. I've said this elsewhere here that my pdoc refuses to see me and I'm having a hard time finding a new one. Ah well I dunno. But I'm confused sorry. Sometimes I read or hear things an no matter how many times or ways I hear it it doesn't make sense to me. I'm not sure if what I am saying even makes sense right now. I'm sorry. I should probably stop talking.

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Your pdoc refuses to see you? Did he or she give you a referral somewhere else or did you violate the terms of service in some way? If not then that is considered abandonment----they really aren't allowed to do that...

[Rand.]

Originally Posted by Sometimes psychotic

Your pdoc refuses to see you? Did he or she give you a referral somewhere else or did you violate the terms of service in some way? If not then that is considered abandonment----they really aren't allowed to do that...

I was released from an urgent care centre and was told I could be re-referred if needed. I got referred again and the pdoc said I was stable last they saw me and wanted to see how I'd do after this therapy so refused my admission to the clinic so my gp also cancelled the referral to him specifically as well.

Edit: I think he was also mad that I've put off this therapy twice now because I didn't think it'd be helpful but I don't know for sure.

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[Sometimes psychotic]

Originally Posted by Adespota

I was released from an urgent care centre and was told I could be re-referred if needed. I got referred again and the pdoc said I was stable last they saw me and wanted to see how I'd do after this therapy so refused my admission to the clinic so my gp also cancelled the referral to him specifically as well.

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Oh I see yeah you're unlikely to get a permanent psych in an urgent care setting---they probably don't even do that. I would look at psych departments in an academic/university outpatient clinic if you can find them----they tend to be really good and stay up to date on the latest stuff. But yeah I don't think that relying on your gp to manage this stuff is going to work out unless you are just remarkably stable. For me I had to periodically call my doc if I started hallucinating again or not sleeping or whatever odd thing cropped up. Even if something weird happened that I thought might be a side effect I had to call to make sure nothing terrible was happening. Anyway I would try to find a new doc for sure because its complicated and you shouldn't have to figure it out on your own...

Originally Posted by Adespota

Sorry I worded that badly. I should have said something more like if its psychosis like you say I might need a med readjustment or something. I'm concerned if it is because I haven't had an episode for a while and lately I've been seeing symptoms creep up on me and I have no one to monitor this or look after me and my meds. I've said this elsewhere here that my pdoc refuses to see me and I'm having a hard time finding a new one. Ah well I dunno. But I'm confused sorry. Sometimes I read or hear things an no matter how many times or ways I hear it it doesn't make sense to me. I'm not sure if what I am saying even makes sense right now. I'm sorry. I should probably stop talking.

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No need to say sorry. All i can offer you ( and it isn't much ) is to tell you that your feelings are classic psychosis. You said you had being stable for a while? In terms of group therapy , it does not have a good reputation in psychosis management. Of course you will get some that bucks the trend , if it doesnt work out , don't be hard on yourself , if it does, great!

[Rand.]

Thanks Sometimes Just going to cross my fingers that I won't have to wait 6 months to get in to a new pdoc ><

Thanks Materly. I was stable for a time of a few months. I have no idea what I'm even doing in this group *sigh*. Well I'll have to make a decision as to what to do because it's a very involved group. I'll figure something out I guess.

I like dbt too. I think doing the homework will only be beneficial. I understand that you feel like u can't trust them. Maybe if u try and look at it as just a college course that will help. U don't have to believe anything that u don't want to.