[Sometimes psychotic]

A lot of my psychosis focused on figuring out what I was supposed to be in the spirit world....in the process of working on a costume right now and I started wondering...if you could be whatever you wanted in the limits of your imagination after your time here had ended what would you be?

[Sometimes psychotic]

For me I would want to be a healer who could change forms....one of the reasons I'm drawn to shamanism....current costume though is sort of a butterfly faerie but In theory I could change to any form and still channel healing energy.....originally during my psychosis I wanted to be a peacock shaman.....

I would be me. There is nothing else i want to be.

[Sometimes psychotic]

Originally Posted by amazingblob

I would be me. There is nothing else i want to be.

You are still young so you have all the possibilities without their actual reality. I went Into microbiology thinking I could help heal people but after years of work I'm not closer to directly helping even one person....thus my reality never matched with my youthful fantasies....perhaps that is why.

[Terabithia]

I'd want to be a wolf. My beloved dog died last year and he always reminded me of a wolf. I had a spiritual experience when I was in the middle of nowhere in Oklahoma, pulled over in this dusty closed gas station and this white dog that looked just like a wolf just walked right up to me and sat down in front of me. I wrote a poem about the experience, called "Ghost Dog." Anyway, I did a little research into white wolves and their symbolism in some Native American cultures and white wolves are thought of as guides from this world to the next. It made me believe that my dog was waiting for me somewhere and that I would see him again.

I'd want my husband to be a wolf though too

I would be a guardian angel for all the abused children and animals. A healer for the abused.

But if it's a question about like what animal, it would probably be a wolf. Or a dog loved by a loving family.

[Sometimes psychotic]

Originally Posted by sunshine1995

I would be a guardian angel for all the abused children and animals. A healer for the abused.

But if it's a question about like what animal, it would probably be a wolf. Or a dog loved by a loving family.

Anything you can imagine is ok....

I really hope that there is no afterlife. One life is more than enough for me right now.

*Willow*

Originally Posted by Sometimes psychotic

I went Into microbiology thinking I could help heal people but after years of work I'm not closer to directly helping even one person....thus my reality never matched with my youthful fantasies....perhaps that is why.

I remember only a few weeks ago, when I was talking about meaninglessness, you saying about how you are working to save babies from E.coli and, even though neither Mum or baby will know that you saved them, that it was meaningful for you...so what's changed?

*Willow*

[The_little_didgee]

I'd like to be an owl. It seems to be a good choice since I am quiet, solitary, and serious. If not I would like to be a gas giant planet that is a part of a binary star system.

[Sometimes psychotic]

Originally Posted by WeepingWillow23

I remember only a few weeks ago, when I was talking about meaninglessness, you saying about how you are working to save babies from E.coli and, even though neither Mum or baby will know that you saved them, that it was meaningful for you...so what's changed?

*Willow*

This was about when I was psychotic....at that point I had two components to my mind....left brain who I normally am who gets that and right brain who wants something awesome right now....not some abstract concept. The two have reintegrated but i think that part is still unhappy because I don't explain things to it enough in simple terms...it's easier to just feed it coloring books and costumes....

So it's this weird kind of dissociative part of me that is changed....while it's not dominant in any way it's more present on meds and it doesn't really care for what I do at work...it's more flashy and wants acclaim but I don't get the sense it will ever be happy...it would be like ok nobel prize check....what next....save the world from Ebola? Hmm maybe a Nobel in each category....it's not exactly rational....it's got a lot of my emotions that I don't normally feel. I don't know exactly what it is...just seems something dissociative but can't take over or anything (thank higher power of choice).

[Djinn8]

If only I could choose. But I know what's waiting for me - what the world is shaping me into as I gestate. I'm a demon, but one with hopes of being something more. That's my torment.

[Shmooey]

I want to live at Rainbow Bridge and welcome all the homeless animals to Heaven since they won't have families waiting for them. <3

Originally Posted by Sometimes psychotic

This was about when I was psychotic....at that point I had two components to my mind....left brain who I normally am who gets that and right brain who wants something awesome right now....not some abstract concept. The two have reintegrated but i think that part is still unhappy because I don't explain things to it enough in simple terms...it's easier to just feed it coloring books and costumes....

So it's this weird kind of dissociative part of me that is changed....while it's not dominant in any way it's more present on meds and it doesn't really care for what I do at work...it's more flashy and wants acclaim but I don't get the sense it will ever be happy...it would be like ok nobel prize check....what next....save the world from Ebola? Hmm maybe a Nobel in each category....it's not exactly rational....it's got a lot of my emotions that I don't normally feel. I don't know exactly what it is...just seems something dissociative but can't take over or anything (thank higher power of choice).

I didn't realise you were talking about the past, sorry. I remember you explaining this feeling before, but I've never really understood it. I enjoy being logical and I enjoy creative activities, but I don't see them as contradictions or as different parts of me. But then I don't really understand talk of 'parts', whether it's right vs left brain or adult vs child part.

*Willow*

[likewater]

I would want to be a flying spirit like I had a dream about. I dreamt I was flying and as I flew everything made sense. Every question I ever had, every math problem, philosophy and everything. It all fit together like a puzzle or beautiful tapestry and I felt pure love and peace. I think those are some of the things we will find in the afterlife.

[serloco]

I am a sorcerer. I learned it from my anthropological studies. A form of shamanism. Ancient toltec wisdom. We face our death in life, and learn from it. We stalk death, as well as life. To turn over and become what we want to be, free. We learn anything we want to learn, do anything we dream of doing, Astounding. Wonderous.

[Sometimes psychotic]

Originally Posted by WeepingWillow23

I didn't realise you were talking about the past, sorry. I remember you explaining this feeling before, but I've never really understood it. I enjoy being logical and I enjoy creative activities, but I don't see them as contradictions or as different parts of me. But then I don't really understand talk of 'parts', whether it's right vs left brain or adult vs child part.

*Willow*

I'm assuming its something along the lines of DID but milder---pdoc said compartmentalization----

[junkDNA]

Originally Posted by Sometimes psychotic

I'm assuming its something along the lines of DID but milder---pdoc said compartmentalization----

sounds like ur inner child! have u ever heard of ego state therapy? it has been helpful for me. my T introduced me to it. i think ive posted about it before. i think DID is a spectrum (like most all things). i think we all have "parts" inside of us. some of them are more integrated than others. some become separated. some become different and distinct personalities.

[Sometimes psychotic]

Originally Posted by junkDNA

sounds like ur inner child! have u ever heard of ego state therapy? it has been helpful for me. my T introduced me to it. i think ive posted about it before. i think DID is a spectrum (like most all things). i think we all have "parts" inside of us. some of them are more integrated than others. some become separated. some become different and distinct personalities.

it kind of is---she's like 7 and super fun---no I never heard of ego state therapy I will have to look into that---are there any books you like on it?

[junkDNA]

my T lent me this book

http://www.amazon.com/Ego-States-Hel...+state+therapy

[Sometimes psychotic]

Originally Posted by junkDNA

my T lent me this book

http://www.amazon.com/Ego-States-Hel...+state+therapy

Awesome thanks!

[likewater]

Originally Posted by Sometimes psychotic

it kind of is---she's like 7 and super fun---no I never heard of ego state therapy I will have to look into that---are there any books you like on it?

I have different ages of myself. There are the kids of all kinds of ages and an adolescent and such. Together, we kind of make our own family. We even argue and don't always agree on stuff and will do things one or two others don't approve of.

[Lillybird90]

probably some sort of forest nymph or nature spirit