Roll Call 36

Are you okay, Erti?

Yeah I'm ok

These gang stalkers are so clever with all their technology.

correction: they THINK they are clever but they are not. kureha

my dad and i went to the liquor store and got MD 20/20. 3 of those bottles and he got Sangria. and i got Brandy. its 40% alcohol. is it weird that my dad and i drink together?

Hi everyone! I haven't been on in awhile, but it is nice to see you all.

I've been having kind of a hard time. I've been having severe mood swings (depression, irritability, euphoria-cycling multiple times a day) and more anxiety than I've ever had in my life. I've also been having a lot of cognitive problems, being unable to find words (even common ones) and confusion about things. If I wasn't so young, I'd be worrying that I'm getting Alzheimer's. And then we have psychosis...I didn't think I was struggling too much with that, but I took the psychosis quiz on PC yesterday out of curiosity and scored high for me. That's when I evaluated and realized that I have had more hallucinations than usual, I've been talking to myself more, and having more strange thoughts, like that the woman I love's husband is a demon, or that I can fly. I don't think they're delusions though, because I don't really believe them. I just think about them.

It kind of scares me that I was so oblivious to the psychotic symptoms. I usually have good insight, but that seems to be changing as I get older.

I'm seeing my pdoc this Saturday. I hope I have the courage to tell him everything. I think I need a high dose of an antipsychotic. I'm currently taking 11 mg of zyprexa and I don't think it's enough since I'm still so symptomatic. I'm going off zyprexa though; last time I saw my pdoc he said we could try risperdal because the zyprexa has caused so much weight gain.

Can you get sent to the hospital for psychosis and mood lability if you're not suicidal? I got really suicidal last weekend, but I waited it out and it went away. Now I'm scared of dying, haha. Anyway, I'm a little scared that my pdoc will suggest that. I can't really afford to miss school...

Thanks for listening everyone!

Unless you present a clear danger to yourself or others I doubt you'll get hospitalized.

Newtus - they are clever with their technology though, they've been mirroring my thoughts via the TV.
The ones that I see daily they are all effing idiots, but they still freak me out.

im sober you guys.
but is it weird that i drink with my dad?

No not at all. I would love to drink with my mom someday. Only problem I see is that your dad being an alcoholic. As I recall you said your parents are alcoholics.

So I have another reason to go off the zyprexa...I just found out I'm pre-diabetic. My old boss has diabetes, and trust me, it's not something I want!

But that means I have to cut down on sugar. And I love sugar.

I also have pre-diabetes and I've been told with losing weight it can reverse. I am however still on Zyprexa. Good luck with finding another drug.

youre right yea both my parents are alcoholics. i drank with my mom last weekend.

Just heard this song, bit cheesy, but it brought tears.

i saw moonshine at the liquor store. i was surprised!

I've heard of this song before. It was popular in the US I think. Some of the best songs are cheesiest. I love cheesy EDM (Electronic dance music).

I had moonshine in a mixed drink before when I went to Florida a few years ago. Not bad.

Yeah we have a type of moonshine over here called Poitín (pronounced puch-een) it's made from potatoes!

You see some ''brand'' Poitín in some shops but it's not really as strong, I'd say it's the same as moonshine!

Just heard it there now, I don't really listen to the radio so I'm a bit slow to catch up haha, it's good. And yes, cheesy is good!

i thought moonshine was something people just secretly made in the backwoods of the country like on tv

Yeah, it depends on where you live. My grandfather when he was alive and living with us had some backwoods moonshine and it was very potent.

I thought so too, but generally it's what it's made of and how it's brewed. Can guarantee the stuff you're getting in the shops is nowhere near as strong!

++++Possibly Triggering, Drug Use+++++



Just took my last ecstasy pill, last roll for a long time. Can't get them anymore and my psychosis seems to have worsened so taking a long break. Must enjoy this one!

From all I said about MDMA being fantastic it's definitely very mentally addictive and hasn't done me any favours! Stay away peeps!

ive been having long thoughts about doing cocaine or heroine

Heroin was my drug of choice. I don't recommend it.