Roll Call 36

i dont know how much im spending. maybe 100-200 dollars a month maybe. im really not sure.

Yeah... cost of living is different over there so a straight up conversion might not be the same.

I'm sure it'd help though.

how much is a pack of cigarettes in the states now?

it depends on where you live but i pay 5-7 dollars for mine i think

Yeah, all pot did for me was make me more paranoid. I'm happy for you that you didn't have a bad reaction.

That's beautiful sometimes psychotic

Lol.................

For me a pack is $7-9 bucks. Cutting back would really help me too.

Well I slept, I kept waking up though and smoking. Not good, it's dangerous bc I'm half asleep. But I do feel like I got a little bit of restful sleep, so that's good.

glad you slept better sunshine, it sounds like you've turned a corner.

*****long*****

It was funny being in the hospital. I think I was the sickest as far as mental illness goes on the side I was on. They have a side for acute and a side called open, where u have more freedom. But on my side I hung out with the woman in for depression mainly. There were a few with sz I think but they kept to themselves. One would always watch tv, I would go in and talk to him and he was brilliant. But I was the only one that I know of with bp. The women I hung out with were like it's ok right? I did tell them I do struggle with anger sometimes but not to worry. One said if I was on as many meds as you I think I'd be dead, lol.

It was interesting, a lot of homeless and drug addicts. They probably do have mental illness but imo it's hard to treat until they quite using. But I became friends with the homeless ppl. They are really doing the best they can. one man in there would sing and sing in the morning. He was a sweetheart and so grateful for everything. He told me he's been on the streets a long time. Probably sz, but I don't kkno.

But it was interesting. Lots of ppl coming and going. There are 3 groups there but they get old, same ole same ole. The nurses told me they used to have like 5 different groups a day, but they lost a lot of funding. Food wasn't too bad. One nurse made me cry for like an hour. She was really mean about my weight. She did it in private but she was really shaming. I'd love to see that ***** be on seroquel, risperdal and zyprexa and see if she gains weight. Then she put me on a low carb diet w/o my permission. Oh freaking well I'm out. It sucked, but it could have been worse I suppose.

I've never been in a ward in a psychiatric hospital... all my appointments are at one but the only time I've seen patients is where some are allowed to do cleaning. One was cleaning a window really intently, like rubbing the cloth on a single spot... made me wonder what she was thinking.

I hope I never have to see the inside of one properly but I'm sure there would be lots of characters there.

Yeah my favorite person was the homeless man that would sing every morning. The women in for depression were like he's annoying and scary. They have no clue. He was the most harmless one of us all imo. And I told them that. They started to see what I was saying finally.

And he was so grateful for everything.he'd be like this is the best tuna sandwich I've had in a long time or they'd give him a warm blanket bc he was so cold all the time and he'd be like, these nurses are the nicest ppl I've ever met. He was so cool. Oh and I'd get him to laugh and laugh. But sometimes we'd be talking and all of the sudden he'd say, I've lost a lot of brain cells I don't understand. Then I'd say it's ok Im just talking and we'd just laugh. He was also on dialysis. I hope he's doing ok.

i think everyone thinks they are the sickest when they are at the hospital.

I've only been in twice but both times i knew i wasnt the worst. the first longer stay was with some people who were raving day and night. the second was just for a day till i came to my senses. I didnt find them relaxing to say the least.

I just meant on my side. But u guys are right, I'm not the sickest, but I was the one up half the night. But if I get this sleeping under control I will be doing much better.

But in the group I mainly hung out with, I do think I was the sickest. Bp can suck And a lot of ppl are afraid of bp ppl. They think ur going freak out on them or something.

Yeah the other side was wild. I'd hear a lot of yelling from that side.

Hmm I never really thought I was the sickest except when I was in this really nice hospital that was mainly for those with eating disorders.

Whenever I was in hospital I always met people that appeared to be 'normal'. Most of those people were despondent about a recent romantic breakup.

I kept telling the staff I wasn't sick - they didn't listen though.

I don't think I was the sickest. I never should have said that. But I do know I'm still unwell. And I didn't have the depakote last night. I need to get to the pharmacy. And I'm on a nightmare med too now. It helps though. Hopefully once I'm sleeping more I can try and come off some of these meds. I'm on a lot.

Well I just had my last cup of coffee, sucks. I need to get some different flavored decaffeinated teas. All I like now is the decaffeinated earl grey and Bengal spice. I want more coffee! But I can't...

It seems like the more you tell them that the more they don't beleive you.

That seems to be common with bipolar... Needing a lot of meds.

Yeah, I'm on so many. And the depokote and trazadone are huge and are always getting stuck in my throat. It just seems like a lot.

I like coffee bc it makes me kinda hypo or at least I think it does. But it contributes to not sleeping well. I didn't realize how much I was drinking...

With me... No matter how many caffeine drinks I have I manage to sleep a lot. Over 12 hours a lot. It's like my body can't function without sleep. I'd give you my ability to sleep if I could. I can't imagine going without sleep for so long.