Roll Call 42

I've picked up some great tips from therapy & other forums for anxiety. I'll share them sometime but I'm off to bed now... night!

I'd like to hear them too! My anxiety can sometimes get the better of me, always looking for new ways to manage it. Anyway, sleep tight

I've been doing really well actually over the past month or two. Feeling fine, the voices are still hanging around somewhere, they like to pop out to say things like hello and 'have you killed your parents yet?'.But it's ok, I'm able to manage. It's just today and yesterday I've been feeling very down and it reminds me of what usually comes when I go like this. The ideas will start to flow in, the anxiety will increase, I'll probably hurt myself and end up in hospital. I just don't know what to do at this point. I might ask someone for help before I end up hurt. See where that gets me.

EDIT: yeah, going to take all my tablets. It won't make me die. Just clear my head for hours and let me dream!

PLEASE PLEASE be careful. youll prob do it anyway but thats just NOT the thing to do. why would you want to end up in hospital? or make yourself sick?

Don't do that chickenfoot, please! Just take what you're supposed to take and no more. You know you have better times ahead. Please don't make yourself sick or worse.

Ambien made me vomit all the pills I'd taken. So I'm coming out of this more sober than when I went into it. I'm going to go back to my doctor tomorrow for more.

More of what?

wow. as if things right now couldnt get any worse. i turned in my 3 day food intake assignment and got a 17 out of 20 points with this message: "Good labs but incomplete 3 day food records".

...I had written down EVERYTHING i ate...
...what my professor doesnt understand is that I only ate 1-3 things a day. and those things were all slim jims...

oh god... the explaining im going to have to do to get this grade up. he said to call him. but im not........because if i did id have to explain whats really happening to some extent...and im not going to do that...
...so im going to use email...

im terrified right now. im shaking. kinda want to cry a bit.

my heart...its just jumping out of my chest right now. i feel like im gonna have a heart attack.

I have no more pills left, I took them all, so I need to go to the doctor and tell him I need more pills! Simples!

Is it worth getting your grade up to explain the food logs? 17/20 isn't bad.....

They probably want you to write an 'appropriate' food diary. Go by the norm of breakfast, lunch, dinner, evening snack. It doesn't matter if you don't eat that stuff just write it down. It's not lying it's called college work. You don't care for this course so just do what they ask you and you'll be done.

Have you tried an antidepressant or other things that work for depression. We were at one point making self care kits for times like this

https://forums.psychcentral.com/schi...forum-%3B.html

Maybe it could help you to try some of the things there?

you know i wouldve actually done that but ive done other assignments in this course how ive wanted and i got 100s for them so i didnt see why this would be any different.

im so screwed...i already sent the email explaining that that is what i truly ate...

i wouldnt have sent the email at all if i wasnt getting 100s in everything but i am. i mean honestly the work is easy. its only the workouts that are hard. the paper assignments are easy. its only physical education. its extremely tedious but its not mind boggling. theres no thinking in the work - you dont have to think - you just record things and asnwer a few questions. but like i said its quite a bit of paperwork and filling out a ton of records in tiny boxes everyday. and i want to be able to get my first 'A' in a college class even if its just phys ed.

i think i just might have set myself up for something really bad right now

oh god please dont let him call me and please dont let me be in the hospital. i cannot be in the hospital right now. i dont want to. im having a hard time right now. really hard time. but i really dont want to be in the hospital.

Does he have the info to call you? I don't think he would send you to the hospital most profs don't want to get involved outside of university resources...he might recommend health services or something....

ive sent him two emails so far and i only include my full name (because he already has that) and then my email. but idk if he can look up my info from my record. this isnt a university though. its a community college and from being in a community college in and out for over 4 years now - some of my teachers have gotten involved. but thats been when i went to college face-to-face.

idk whats gonna happen now. i shouldve just taken the grade. but that wouldve been a 70 though. who cares. i shouldve never emailed

im feeling better today

i shouldve just probably lied about what i ate. but i had no idea i was gonna get taken points off. ive been doing whatever i want on other assignments and getting all 100s. but thing is i did this assignment 100% like i was told to do.

but even lying wouldnt have been that easy. not only did i have to list what i ate; i also had to list the calories and what time i ate it and claculate the fat percentage from how many calories i ate and how many calories there were in the total serving and MORE. for 3 days.

my coach got me a mini orchid for my xmas present

Nice... I love those....

That's a really neat idea! Definitely making me some of them kits! thanks sometimesp

its weird how my mom and dad and sister (my immediate family) think everything im doing is great and even encourage me to keep going but every single person outside of my family thinks im anorexic. i actually dont understand either side of that. to me im just trying to lose weight but at the same time idk why my family encourages me to eat so little. well my mom does. my dad sort of does. my sister just wants me to eat healthy. yet when i showed everyone that pic of me at 105 they freaked out like no other. when my family encourages me i feel extra overweight

anyway...just wanting to say that. thats all...