[ElectricKitten]

Hello everyone Seeing as I am new here I decided to make the most of my time in the forum by posting my log this can be used for research if you wish To me it is a daily log of transmissions that I have had implanted into the frontal part of my brain as well as messages I have unscrambled to help me decode my next missions. this is a recent log for January as febuary's log is still on going I won't be posting it until march rolls around,\
january first 2015 ;
I am awake it is 8:30 am The sentences She is awake and push away were heard.as I was watching the morning news the eyes of the news reporter changed from blue to a pitch black evil look to them. I turned the channel there was a kids show on a little girl was skipping rope. 1:30 pm I have cracked the code they plan to strike next by attacking children I entered the message into a code on a piece of paper and left it in my mail box after it has been received i will set the message on fire. 6:00 pm I was watching the news I heard a report of a woman who killed her baby I must have been to late at cracking the code I feel so terrible That baby did not deserve to lose it's life, I must be faster at cracking the daily codes I have been given. 1/1/15/8/4/45.

january second 2015:
10:45 am:1/3/5/7/25 these are the numbers I have come across The voices have been very disagreeable today they are yelling at me so I know I am on to something If I am right this code may prevent a lot of people from being harmed I can't write anymore for fear of them being on to me, I will place the code in the usual receiving area. On the way back inside I saw a black coated man following me he hid behind the bushes I hope he doesn't get the code before they do. Well I al aready watched the nightly news nothing new nothing bad happening so I think the message was picked up and all is well.

January the 5th 2015:
Nothing out of the ordinary has happened for the past 2 days I have not been given any messages The voices are less violent now but they do keep repeating Mariana is dumber than a rock so I hope I have not been over looking something. And I keep seeing the crawlers everywhere as usual keeping an eye on me. If Nothing else happens today I will not write until it does. Well it is 11:22 pm I heard rustling in the bushes outside I went to look and saw a racoon it was carrying a piece of paper and running away This must mean something significant.nothing more to report.

january 8th 2015: A cop was shot by a thief who was robbing a near by house maybe that is what my racoon message was about? how could I be so stupid...the voices were right, I can't let this happen again.

January the 9th 2015: now that I am steadily on my meds I have not been receiving any messages to crack Were all those messages just delusions or part of a fictional world created by my psychosis or were they real and these meds are a trap to prevent me from helping people? my parents have forbidden me from watching the news on the tv so I will stick to reading internet news from now on.

january 16 2015:
I have not taken my meds for 3 days hoping that I will receive messages again too many bad things are going on in the news it has been wearing on my mind
I have received the code at 5:55 am the code was given to me while listening to the radio stations 5/7/7/2/5 They plan on hurting elderly people next they want to get rid of the older people who have more knowledge or make the younger humans turn against them so they won't hear the wise words they have to tell us. This message will tell my signalers so they can stop the attacks before they take place. The message was placed in the mail box I can only hope and wait. It is 2:30 PM my father found the message in the mail box he is forcing me to take my meds again he tore up the message they are being controlled by the crawlers but they have no idea. I must find a new place to hide my messages at from now on.

January the 19: I was diagnosed as having schizophrenia and am now taking risperdal I feel this is very unfair while on this drug I am unable to finction or carry out my missions so I will not take it I will take a pill out and at each time when I AM supposed to take the dose I will flush it down the toilet.

january 25th 2015: I am back to myself again I have been taking my medicine regularly I believe the previous codes I was receiving were part of a delusion now that I have been on this medicine for a while things seem more normal they are a bit boring though as I am not occupying myself with so many things to do or feeling very useful at all. Several times I have threatened to myself to stop taking my risperdal all together but I have stuck through. Soon we will be moving and my father will be getting a new job so hopefully a change of scenery will keep me from psychosis.

January 30th we have relocated to our new residence my fathers new job will not support my mental well being so I can no longer be prescribed my medications I only have a few left I will try to stretch them out and hope that the delusions don't overwhelm me again. I am in a panic and things seem so stressful It brings to light how much I need healt insurance or some kind and disability which I have applied for I really need to have my meds or I will continue to keep living in this fantasy world rather than help my own future.

January 31st: I am still feeling stressed my brother who also suffers from psychosis was diagnosed as having Post traumatic stress syndrome back in 2011 he is older than me by 8 years he had a mental break down in california he was picked up by police he was running through the woods naked his feet bleeding and saying they were out to get him and was acting as if he was 3 different people he keeps talking to himself as if there is another person with him I wonder if he too has schizophrenia? all the more reason to assure me those codes were delusions, well I will start a new log for febuary I will try to make my meds last as long as possible but as soon as they are out I will have to fend for myself. -End of log january 2015-

[jaciRock]

After I was on risperidone for two years I went back through my own logs and got rid of a lot of stuff. I hope you've found a way to keep getting your meds since you have great insight and know they are necessary. Keep posting, we'll help.