[A18793715]

I can't shake the feeling or thought that doctors purposely are letting me suffer. They claim I can't take medicine for my mental problems on top of pain. I've stopped my antidepressants and I'm not taking any antipsychotics because none (literally the only one I haven't tried is the only treatment resistant one but I refuse because the side effects and weekly blood tests are too much). The only the I take is Xanax for anxiety and Valium and hydroxyzine for sleep. I have an appointment next week with my orthopedic but every doctor looks at my benzo doses and assume I'm just a drug seeker. I get 120 2mg Xanax and 60 10mg Valium a month but ever since I started seeing my pdoc 5 years ago, she's told me several times that my body seems to have a high resistant to everything. Right now, my ortho gives me somas as a muscle relaxer and it's supposed to be the strongest but it doesn't help my pain. It just puts me to sleep. I also get ultracets. They don't do anything. I read that telling a doctor that you can't take NSAIDs is the number one red flag. But I really can't. I had stomach surgery and NSAIDs can cause me to get ulcers way easier than a normal stomach. (I had the gastric sleeve. So my stomach is 25% the size of a normal sized stomach). So it pretty much puts me at narcotics, which I don't wish I could take because there's another addictive drug on top of my benzos. I can't even get a doctor to give me a MRI on my left shoulder that has been hurting for 8+ months. My doctor said it was just a sprain but when I googled it, the pain should have gone away in 3 months tops. It feels like my pain is increasing as my depression deepens. I have to sacrifice one pain for another and it's not fair. I feel like all the doctors are gathering together to do this to me on purpose. Like they're working for the people trying to kill me. Except those people are trying their hardest to get me to kill myself so they don't have to. I don't think they knew I would become aware of them apart from my hallucinations or figure out their plan. So now they're trying their hardest to make me kill myself by making doctors forbid me from being treated for everything. It makes sense but I'm so tired of crying from either my pain or dealing with hearing voices and being paranoid 24/7.

I can't stand living like this. My depression gets worse and worse and it's making my hallucinations worse, delusions worse, panic and panic attacks worse and now I'm not remember most of nights. I can't handle the physical pain on top of it and I feel like it's all because doctors are working against me.

I just want to give up at this point. I don't want to suffer anymore.

Someone please just tell me what I don't want to admit. They're trying to get me to kill myself aren't they? Don't be afraid of upsetting me. You can't.

[Door2015]

This is entirely my opinion, and I could be wrong. I think that it's not so much that your doctors want you to kill yourself, or that they want to keep you in pain. I feel like the medical community is declining right now, because so many things have to do with money and politics. For doctors, the good ones, get burned out quickly because of the system, and the bad ones, that are just there for money, do whatever helps their profit margin. So basically, the patient gets the short end of the stick because they either aren't willing to listen objectively, or they disregard a patients feelings on how they should be treated. There is little room left for respect, so no one pays attention anymore. You have to be your own advocate, and bring your file with you to every doctors visit, if you do already, make them show you your chart to see that they have the proper things noted. You deserve to be treated. If one way doesn't work, insist they try another way. I hope you don't have to keep suffering. Don't give up.

[insilence]

the hearing cortex is in the middle of the brain below the right/left hemispheres.
MENTALLY FEEL the top of the audio cortex, and pull away from the left/right hemispheres on each side, and back of hearing cortex.
you will notice a click and the sounds should recede.

also do this with the pineal gland, FEEL the LOWER pineal and pull down using your mind as a muscle flexing would.

then pull away the back of the brains audio cortex.

post if it works for you, others need hope.

[A18793715]

Originally Posted by insilence

the hearing cortex is in the middle of the brain below the right/left hemispheres.
MENTALLY FEEL the top of the audio cortex, and pull away from the left/right hemispheres on each side, and back of hearing cortex.
you will notice a click and the sounds should recede.

also do this with the pineal gland, FEEL the LOWER pineal and pull down using your mind as a muscle flexing would.

then pull away the back of the brains audio cortex.

post if it works for you, others need hope.

I have no idea how to do that or even where those spots are in my brain.

[insilence]

Originally Posted by A18793715

I have no idea how to do that or even where those spots are in my brain.

flex your arm, remember that feeling, now go look at a picture with explanations of what the brain looks like, focus on the deep/middle part of the brain, pull it down, then focus on the outer parts of the brain, push/pull away from center

[The_little_didgee]

I don't think so. Doctors are usually really cautious about prescribing narcotics. The drugs are usually last resort and for severe pain. I've never heard of anyone taking them for a sprain.

How are you presenting? If you are saying only certain types of drugs work (E.g. oxycodone) it comes across as suspicious. Going from doctor to doctor is also another warning sign.

Have you considered other options such as physiotherapy and other ways NSAIDS (E.g. suppositories) are taken?

Note: Milk and diary products can degrade the enteric coating on NSAIDS.

[A18793715]

I can't even take topical NSAIDs. It still affects your stomach lining. I'm not asking for anything specific other than asking for a MRI to see what is wrong. I know better than to ask for narcotics and I really don't even want to be on another addictive drug but since I can't take NSAIDs, there's really not any others I can take for pain. I can't afford physical therapy. There's none in my city that take Medicaid and I can't afford it otherwise. I don't have transportation outside of my city either. :/ I told the doctor and he just went on asking more questions.

The only reason I really can't take any NSAIDs is because of my stomach surgery.

[The_little_didgee]

How do topical NSAIDs affect your stomach? They bypass it since the medication is absorbed through the skin. Have you asked about other non-narcotic alternatives?

I'm not trying to be mean but I see a part of the problem in your posts. You are making it very difficult for people to help by coming up with all kinds of reasons why you can't or won't consider other options.

There has to be a way Medicaid clients can get physiotherapy. Have you looked into that?

[A18793715]

Originally Posted by The_little_didgee

How do topical NSAIDs affect your stomach? They bypass it since the medication is absorbed through the skin. Have you asked about other non-narcotic alternatives?

I'm not trying to be mean but I see a part of the problem in your posts. You are making it very difficult for people to help by coming up with all kinds of reasons why you can't or won't consider other options.

There has to be a way Medicaid clients can get physiotherapy. Have you looked into that?

I'm going off of what my surgeon has told me and from what I've read online. He told me I would never be able to take NSAIDs now that my stomach is 75% smaller. He said I'd be more easily prone to ulcers and having two in the past, they're not fun. I do not want another.

I'm not intentionally making it hard. It's hard all on it's own. That's why I'm so frustrated and am starting to think it's all part of the people who want me dead plans. It makes sense. It's not that I won't consider, it's that I've considered all that I can think of and nothing is working or can't be done.

And yes, I've looked into it. They have a transportation for disabled people here, just not outside of city limits and there is no PT doctor here that accepts Medicaid.