Roll Call 48

Tmi for the guys...
I had some minor mood issues that ended up just being PMS....I'm totally relieved....

I'm glad you're happy at your dads...

Mine should be starting soon. Ohh boy . For some reason my flow has been pretty heavy since I started on birth control.

hey thanks i appreciate that. the hardest night was wednesday or thursday i cant remember. i was reading news stories online and i thought they were telling me that i was going ot get raped and murdered that night so i started drinking coffee at night to try and stay up and i wasnt gonna take my meds or go to bed. but i texted T for help and he got me to take my meds and some prns and eventually i went to sleep. the other night was bad too i felt the same way, unsafe and scared to sleep. but i made it thru both nights. i hope im coming out the other side of this. i didnt post much abt those things on here bc i was really paranoid. i feel embarrassed about those nights. hopefully tonight will go better

yea mine will be starting later this week or early next week

Oh oh oh. Down the street from where I live they found a grenade and they called the bomb squad yesterday.

Creepy did they just blow it up?

From what I heard someone found it in their garage while moving in. It didn't blow up or anything.

Oh I mean sometimes the bomb squad will just use a robot to detonate anything suspicious.....

Ah yeah. They took care of it. Not sure what they did but they no longer have the area taped off.

i have everyones names on my contact list something different that means something in my life. for example like my sister is her nickname. well most everyone. some people idk what to put. one of my cousins is under "creepy cousin".

mm yummy blueberries

Good for you I've been eating chocolate eggs ever since chickenfoot mentioned easter candy....

im really stressed out right now trying to finish school.
im yelling at my computer doing my schoolwork. . . . . .

i feel like i mbecoming really unstable

im yelling at the screen because the stupid course has an online textbook with a tiny video game and interactives and i just want to f**k ing read to learn. i dont effing take online courses to do this crap.

im just like yelling. hearing voices.

Getting sick, can't breath out my nose.

I want some chocolate eggs, I love the kind with the caramel in them

Can't stop picking my head, I'm gonna go bald by time I get to my appointment tomorrow

Yeah I had creme eggs I've never tried the caramel ones but now I want those too

Sorry you are getting sick.....

I'm back from the meeting. It was awesome. Including me, there were 10 people. 1 guy and a bunch of ladies. Everyone had some sort of professional background, but also a personal interest in it. I mostly listened, but I was able to add some of my opinions. Since it's the first meeting, it was basically gathering information, discussing what the goals would be, etc. but the main idea is being able to approach leadership in the different faith communities to open the doors to educating and removing stigma of mental illness. There are so many things that are want to be done, but the first step is getting people to listen and care. After that it can develop more in individual places, what kind of direct involvement they will have. But also letting them know that services and resources are available to them, so that they will be more equipped for people, when a need arises. It was a lot of information. All of the people were really nice and very diverse. I had some conversations with some very lovely people.

sounds cool!
sounds fun!

It was. It was very interesting to hear all of the different points of view.

And I had like three cookies.

My wonderful cats knocked my iPad on the floor this morning and it cracked the screen. It's very distracting to have lines running to and fro. I keep playing with the cracks and I know that's not going to help. I think I need coffee.

Or chocolate.

Or coffee and chocolate.

thats cool door. i would be too nervous to go to a meeting. T told me he is starting a group for women that have traumatic pasts. he wants me to join it. but i am scared. even though i know T will be there. it just seems scary.

new things are scary to me i guess. i wont even let the ppl at my job train me to use the self scanner machines. bc its new and i dont wanna mess up while having pressure on me to get it right. idek what im talkig about right now. i should go to bed lol

I understand your feeling. I'm sure it's a hard decision to make. I have a friend at church that has had a very traumatic past. It's hard for her to leave her house some days. However the field of work that she is entering, puts her in the middle of helping others with their own pasts. So, I know it is not easy to get out there for something like a group always. I do treasure everytime that she is able to get out and I get to serve with her. Just her laugh is enough to make people feel better.

idk whats going on righth now guys

my minds not racing but im incessantly talking and mumbling to myself
and idk...idk whats going on...

im a bit nervous for the future.

Would it help to talk on here about what you're telling yourself, maybe?

No... Thanks for asking. That was kind.