Roll Call 48

finished my homework. now i can chill!!!!!!!!!!

+++++Trigger Warning++++++

This is pretty hard to watch. Just another inhumane way people victimize the mentally ill, I wonder how often this happens and it's just not recorded or reported.

Cop Drags Mentally-Ill Woman By Shackled Ankles

Oh no...I hope it's PMS too because you are an amazing person and I don't want you to be sad.... I'm sorry that your family isn't more supportive....maybe humor is their way of dealing with the pain they are feeling for you---it's immature but some people are like that.

Thanks Sometimes, you're not so bad yourself

I'm sure it's just PMS, I've been doing too well to just start falling apart like this. Luckily I have no where to be or anything to do this evening so I'm just going to look after myself. That means a take away curry, nice hot shower and some funny programs on the TV. be grand, be grand!

Meh...can't work. Lacking motivation and head silence. Guess I'll try for a nap

that sounds like an excellent plan----curry always makes things better---

Haha indeed it does! There's a new place opened in the town here, they do the most awesome Indian curry I've ever had! Cheap too!

Pretty tired, I feel like taking a nap and today was good.

I'm sooooo happy

Good session with my psychiatrist. Instead of clonazepam I'm on seroquel 25mg 3x a day. Once they control the psychotic OCD, I'll be on 108mg of Concerta.

just left the house to get pizza. the roads seemed fine just wet. hopefully the clinic will be open tomorrow. but it will still freeze overnight.
it was hell riding in my dads truck. hes a hoarder so hes truck was filled to my ankles with trash. i felt pretty disgusted.

That made me cry. That's completely horrific and reminds me of some of my own experiences with "treatment"... ****ers!

i want to watch it but i just cant. just with that title. ive already watched many police nationally and locally hurt the mentally ill and ive had my own bad experiences with police and in hospitals.

...sorry i just cant watch it.

i went to fill up my tank and i did a little exploring. i like driving around on the country roads exploring new areas. plus im not gonna be able to get out later. i drove by the facebook plant or whatever. its a huge building. i wanna go inside but they had a security guard post. i wonder what they do in there....i bet its a bunch of ppl on computers. my vision feels kind of weird. im like seeing double when i try to read things. not sure wtf that is

Don't watch it. It'll definitely trigger you.

Yay! I got my free hoodie from my college with it's name on it

i really dont feel like doing my school exam today.

i think i might be in denial about how i am doing.

i think im already in severe psychosis. its just now a matter of when ill do something big.

the voices are back already. the paranoia is in full swing. etc. im getting disorganized from time to time. just etc

Hi im new, what's roll call?

nevermind. the exam is not even posted right now. yay. yay for now anyway... at least its teachers fault if she doesnt post it on time...

anyway.
i remember when i was in severe psychosis in my first major episode when between 20-22. i could still function but my episodes were everyday and severe. some days were ok. but most days were just all day severe.

but like i know im better when most days are ok. and when i can go a few days or most of the week with little to no voices. and thats def not right now.

the problem with tha above is. i can know im going into severe psychosis. but once im in it i lose insight. especialyl when it gets severe.

its weird because its like i can function in severe psychosis. but then i cant. its hard to explain. maybe i just think i can function and i cant. i actually dont know.

Just popping in to say hi everyone!

i just thought id show you just this scrapbook i started last year. the theme was about my schiz.

Yeah it's pretty bad, it just brought me back to some times I'd rather forget.

its not even snowing here yet and the governor declared a state of emergency. WOW

my nephew is over he is soooo cute but crazy lol

My meds should be arriving tonight. Hopefully I'll sleep better.

I'm a little angry with my psychiatrist. He told me that he thinks my anxiety and panic attacks were due to a bad effect I had with Wellbutrin. Then he puts me on lithium and gives me Klonopin and says that he believes my panic attacks and anxiety are just existential. Then guess what happens? My anxiety and panic attacks almost disappear. Okay, so what happened? It was the lithium. My doctor didn't tell me this would happen, he just made light of something that I nearly killed myself over. I feel manipulated. The lithium limits the amount of norepinephrine, which is your stress neurotransmitter. It triggers your fight or flight sympathetic nervous system, which causes anxiety and panic.

Their not existential. They are a biological reaction from a drug he kept me on. I know it's all an experiment to see what drugs work for what person. We're all different biologically. However, let's be honest here. There is no need to flip-fop, and try to trick me.