Roll Call 51

Mar 27, 2015, 05:41 PM

Today my psychiatrist said noticed by observing me that I've gotten way better because I have a terrible memory now. "You were in a pretty psychotic state when you got here" well damn those psychostimulating benzos..

I am happy with 72mg Concerta now because it doesn't make sense to increase it further because I realized that it just numbs me, my brain wanting to do something stimulating and fun. I mean ya of course I got high for months from the stock pile but I was still numb at certain doses like what people do with alcohol.

Tweaky won't allow this to happen though

<<<<< Is definitely not mental from ^

Erti · Mar 27, 2015, 06:03 PM

Finally, I get my chicken wings. Said they'll be here at around 7:34... TIC TOC

Mar 27, 2015, 06:15 PM

I tried the last therapy session and failed big time. I couldn't get myself to relax because I don't feel safe in a room full of strangers. I couldn't sit still and needed stimulation to calm me which means getting agitated. I know I could do it one day with practise but idk my mind goes to the extreme when I'm supposed to be calm. Right now I'm listening to max volume on my headphones.

The third group I didn't go to because it's exhausting to have to pay attention to so many therapy groups but my psychiatrist says that anyone would be tired of it at the end of the day especially with my illness which is why there's only swimming on the weekends.

Erti · Mar 27, 2015, 06:43 PM

I find group therapy a bit awkward when they make you talk to the group about your issues or why you are there and such. I rather just sit back and listen to other people.

newtus · Mar 27, 2015, 06:59 PM

just rounded my chickens up for the night and put them up in the upper part of the building. my dad said he thinks i have two roosters and 1 hen. i think i do too. these two are real fat and kinda dumb and this one other chicken is real fast and skinny and smart.

Erti · Mar 27, 2015, 07:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by newtus

just rounded my chickens up for the night and put them up in the upper part of the building. my dad said he thinks i have two roosters and 1 hen. i think i do too. these two are real fat and kinda dumb and this one other chicken is real fast and skinny and smart.

Cook the fat and dumb ones and save the smart and skinny one, teach it some tricks, and use is as a side show for the circus.

junkDNA · Mar 27, 2015, 08:05 PM

looks like im getting my medicaid back but wont be til june. it was terminated bc i moved and didnt tell anyone there. UM OOPS

Mar 27, 2015, 08:07 PM

Chatroom is open now

Mar 27, 2015, 09:16 PM

Another weekend of this ... Faaaaaak

junkDNA · Mar 27, 2015, 09:19 PM

im taking my 100mg seroquel tonight cuz **** it. last night the taper down didnt work out well

aka Bean · Mar 27, 2015, 09:22 PM

i got home from the zone its like youth group but 4 kids in my school and not tired at all soooooo listening 2 music and reading a GREAT book called The Sky Is Everywhere

Door2015 · Mar 27, 2015, 09:25 PM

wow, it's late. I feel like I've been away from home for a million hours. My friend and I went to dinner as a sort of post birthday thing. I did pretty good, whereas I got only a salad and a drink. Normally I'd have everything. Or nothing and tons of beer. So I was pretty proud of myself, until she asks if I want to share dessert. That's where I lost it. Damn you salted caramel cookie, with pretzel bits and chocolate chips, topped with vanilla ice cream!

Door2015 · Mar 27, 2015, 09:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hyperagitate

Another weekend of this ... Faaaaaak

Don't waste this time. You should be planning your attack on the world. Once you get back, just think of all the stuff you can do.

newtus · Mar 27, 2015, 09:41 PM

well i dont mean to call my chickens dumb. those two fat ones are just like...idk...one of them are actually smart and nice but maybe both are not too keen. idk how to put it actually. one is really nice. one is smart. one is not.

newtus · Mar 27, 2015, 09:51 PM

idk why i said those things about my chickens. honestly farm life and way my dad and neighbors talk abouts chickens is really getting to me. its getting harder for me to talk about them as pets when other people around me dont. my dad wasnt raised like that. i live in the country too.

but he respects my idea and treats them as pets for me.

im not doing well. but i have not mistreated them but i called one fat today. idk whats wrong with me.

i feel like something is wrong with me...
these are pets to me.

Mar 27, 2015, 10:12 PM

Newtus ... XD omg you're losing it lol. I wouldn't mind having chickens for pets as well. You're very observant like I am.

@Door, that was the best advice I have been given ever xd

I went to visit my relatives in Hungary when I was 9. I liked chasing the chickens.

Upgrade to ostrich

Mar 27, 2015, 10:17 PM

I have like 20 booklets from therapy. I'm going to stay up all night studying so when I go to groups I'll know a bunch of important stuff.

newtus · Mar 28, 2015, 08:04 AM

how you guys deal with waking up everyday wondering how you are gonna deal with your illnesses?

without my AD i feel really scared. i know ADs take time to kick in but when i had it i guess i felt like i had a safety net and my reaction to getting it taken away from me was because i was really scared. also even tho before i didnt take my AP everyday - it did actually work when i took it PRN. idk about other meds but haldol worked on me within a certain number of hours so it did work on me like a PRN. idk if it was because of the dosing or if it is because its naturally a strong med but it does.

recently ive been waking up worrying about how im going to deal with my sadness/bouts of depression. which right now doesnt seem to be much but when it does come it comes hard and i have the potential to really hurt myself.

junkDNA · Mar 28, 2015, 08:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by newtus

how you guys deal with waking up everyday wondering how you are gonna deal with your illnesses?
.

i usually make a plan for the day when i wake up. even if im not gonna see anyone or do anything i stll make a plan, like clean, do homework, watch this show, work on therapy homework, etc. if i am able i try to make plans to be around ppl like my friends or my mom/sister when i can. but sometimes that doesnt work out.

junkDNA · Mar 28, 2015, 08:26 AM

good morning roll call peoples!

i slept much better last night .. bc of 100mg seroquel. i think im just gonna tell the nurse practitioner im not ready to lower it. i cant go w/o sleep, it makes me go psychotic. my symptoms have been pretty minimal so thats good.

im seeing T today at 2 then going to my friends house. its sunny here but cold

newtus · Mar 28, 2015, 08:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by junkDNA

i usually make a plan for the day when i wake up. even if im not gonna see anyone or do anything i stll make a plan, like clean, do homework, watch this show, work on therapy homework, etc. if i am able i try to make plans to be around ppl like my friends or my mom/sister when i can. but sometimes that doesnt work out.

thanks. its good to make plans because you have a routine and something to kind of take your mind of things and set your mind at ease. before i had all these plans and nowadays when i still dont have plans things are more likely to go wrong.
thank you

newtus · Mar 28, 2015, 08:39 AM

going without sleep ramps up my psychosis too. its a huge trigger.

newtus · Mar 28, 2015, 08:40 AM

well my sister spent the night last night. i had fun. i almost felt like i wanted to cry again because that was just my reaction to when she left the first time in february. but things will be ok. i think i can do this.

Mar 28, 2015, 09:13 AM

I wake up in the moment mostly.

Nothing in my past effects me because my memory is bad and it's fine when I'm ok. I ignore it. So I'll keep drinking etc

I do dread the psycho Concerta crash though about an hour before it happens. They gave my a different type of methylphenidate XR so I hope that does something.

Before in my past was screwed up bad. Like I was a mess and couldn't even get out of bed. It wasn't impossible on high dose Risperdal abuse but at least I wasn't agitated...

Mar 28, 2015, 09:20 AM

Hey Rollcall! I'm not doing too well which is always a fantastic thing, yay! My doctor just called me psychotic and delusional and gave me chlorpromazine! When I asked what am I supposed to do and how I'm supposed to cope he just said "take the chlorpromazine". Good to see this level of logic from a psychiatrist, from a ****ing professor in psychiatry. Anyway, I'm dealing because that's what I do and that's all I can do so feck it!

Is feck a bad word on this forum? Censorship is a big thing here but feck should be ok. Feck feck feck!

Hope you're all well!

#happyTime

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Roll Call 51

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