[Secretum]

There is a lot of information out there about the prodromal phase of a psychotic illness, the psychological and physical changes an individual goes through before becoming fully psychotic. I'm having a hard time finding information about what happens afterward.

I still haven't recovered from the initial psychotic break I had when I was 12. This was 11 years ago. I've only had one other severe psychotic episode since, though I've had chronic mild symptoms continuously.

That first episode changed my personality. I'm more withdrawn, introverted. I am also more self-focused and concerned with how people perceive me. I am acutely aware of who I am, and that others may judge me for it. And I really do not want to be judged.

I had a lot more energy before my first break. That could have been because I was a kid, but I feel like I should have had a lot of energy a few years ago as a college student, and I didn't. When my mood gets elevated, I am more energetic, but not at my baseline.

I feel immobilized and trapped in my own head.

This all started in the spring of 2004 or shortly after. I attributed it to depression. However, I didn't get severely depressed until I was in late high school/early college.

Have any of you experienced this? Can a psychotic break traumatize someone in a way that makes them withdrawn, self-conscious, low in self-esteem, and lacking in energy? Basically to give them a chronic low-grade depression that becomes characteristic for them, even if they do not identify with it?

Thanks

[Axiom]

Many of the same things happened to me when I had my first psychotic break at age 20 or so. Much less interested in other people and generally want to be alone (whereas before I never wanted to be alone), feel less connected to other people including family, less energy at baseline, less able to do tasks that I am motivated to do. I also thought it was depression first.

[Angelique67]

I haven't recovered ever from anything. Not sure that's a positive contribution to this thread though. Sorry....

[The_little_didgee]

Originally Posted by Secretum

Have any of you experienced this? Can a psychotic break traumatize someone in a way that makes them withdrawn, self-conscious, low in self-esteem, and lacking in energy? Basically to give them a chronic low-grade depression that becomes characteristic for them, even if they do not identify with it?

My experience with psychosis has definitely changed me. It has caused me to become more withdrawn and unmotivated which is probably due to the illness, the major depressions I suffer from on occasion, and the realization that I am different from most. Before I was more willing to socialize and I went out everyday. I used to read novels without any problem. Reading was my favorite pastime. Now, I struggle with concentration. My concrete thinking style has worsened which sometimes makes me wonder if I lost IQ points. This makes school very challenging. I only attend at 50% course load because it takes so much time just to get through my readings.

My experience wasn't traumatic just unpleasant at times. It has taught me a lot about myself and allowed me to embrace myself and recognize my limits. It liberated me from hell. Looking inwards has actually helped me heal from my misdiagnosis. It has also taught me that I am valuable and not in need of repair. I'm an individual now. I wasn't before this experience.

[Angelique67]

Originally Posted by The_little_didgee

My experience with psychosis has definitely changed me. It has caused me to become more withdrawn and unmotivated which is probably due to the illness, the major depressions I suffer from on occasion, and the realization that I am different from most. Before I was more willing to socialize and I went out everyday. I used to read novels without any problem. Reading was my favorite pastime. Now, I struggle with concentration. My concrete thinking style has worsened which sometimes makes me wonder if I lost IQ points. This makes school very challenging. I only attend at 50% course load because it takes so much time just to get through my readings.

My experience wasn't traumatic just unpleasant at times. It has taught me a lot about myself and allowed me to embrace myself and recognize my limits. It liberated me from hell. Looking inwards has actually helped me heal from my misdiagnosis. It has also taught me that I am valuable and not in need of repair. I'm an individual now. I wasn't before this experience.

All of this is true for me too. I've lost the ability to think and write.

[RisuNeko]

It could be that the first psychotic break is when the chronic symptoms start, both positive symptoms and negative symptoms, a lot of what you are all describing sounds like negative symptoms to me. I could be wrong though.

I know I didn't start having hallucinations (which I realize is a positive symptom and has little to do with my point) until my first and biggest manic/psychotic break and have been having them steadily since, and I am more withdrawn I guess, but I just chalked that up to being to busy to keep up with friends. But maybe I am experiencing some of the same thing.

[misslabarinth]

I have changed almost the exact same you have, i use to always love being with my family, and going places with them, now i am always locked up in my room for most of the day. distant to my family, hate going places that have over 3 or 4 people (which actually might be more for my Social Anxiety Phobia) it has become hard for me to concentrate and in only a year my grades had dropped from B and As to Ds some Cs and Es, and even then i hardly do any work because i just can't concentrate, i have no interest in anything they say. i also loved making friends now i hate friends and even people in general. and due to my past trauma i find it severely difficult for me to trust people, and my family has been no help to me by them repeatedly bringing the traumatic experience up.this mostly all started when i was 12 turning 13 (I'm 14 now, so about 2 or so years ago) ~ MissLabarinth

During my year long psychosis the stress was so much that it shrunk my hippocampus, your memory center, so much that I couldn't concentrate. People would talk to me and I'd repeatedly have to ask them to repeat themselves up to 4 times. If my psychosis went any longer I'd have dementia. However, I was able to recover my memory.

I've always been a shy person and isolated myself a lot because of how sensitive I was. After the psychosis I became so hypersensitive that I could see why people would isolate themselves. Whoever, in my case I was able to finish college and march on. College came second nature to me. It's where I flourished the most so that's the only reason I was able to complete it.

I do feel isolated though, but I think it's just situational. Financially I could no longer afford my apartment and telling a date that you live with your parents hasn't gone over well. Dating a woman for awhile and then breaking the news you have XYandZ illnesses don't help either.

My schizophrenia made me hypersensitive. All my past mistakes come crashing into me wave after wave. I can't let them go! I wasn't so sensitive before my split. It's like I have no compassion for myself and my emotions take over and it's exhausting.
Isolation is a major statistic in the DSM. I certainly feel its push on my breast as people want to talk to me. It's mostly during the night time though. I have a lot of SI's in the evening. I've tried the antidepressants and they don't work with my brain chemistry.