[totempagan]

I just rejoined Psych Central. Back in 2012, my schizophrenia surfaced and I had become quite psychotic. In truth, I feel like it was fitting. I wasn`t the best partner to my now ex and I was very nasty toward a lot of people, including him (pun intended.) I admit that. My lies had caught up with me. At some point, I was convinced that my ex was cyber stalking me as well as ambushing me whenever I would be in public. I was more paranoid than I had ever been in my life. Even now I have trouble differentiating what was merely brought on by paranoia and what I was not.

I myself had stalked and hacked my ex`s facebook and e-mail account. I felt guilty one day and told him what I had done, and that I felt bad. That was probably the worse mistake I made. I believe he did the same to me. I was nothing but a crazy ex at that point. I wouldn't put it past him to further trigger my already compromised sense of reality with the justification that I was a nasty, lying user and not a likable individual.

I turned to peers on here to find comfort and company. I believed that on a forum like this I wouldn't be the only guy who was burdened by the mistakes he had committed in the past.

I am not quite sure if it was my paranoia, but I felt my ex had gotten to people, even on this forum. There were instances that a clearly noted how displeased people were with my company. How somehow I couldn't find people that were able to relate to me, even on here.

I don`t know how much of that was legitimate or merely a symptom of my paranoia. I had resorted to becoming a patient at a mental ward. For the first time, I felt like I could finally have genuine conversation. I felt no one could salt the soil among my peers in a mental hospital.

Perhaps it was that fact that eased my paranoia while having been a mental patient. I was finally able to relate with others and feel human again
I didn`t care that it was in a mental ward or that it was a clinical environment. For the first time in a year, I felt like a human being once more, and not like a lousy petty wretch that was worthy of being assaulted to the point of suicide.

I have been in and out of mental wards ever since. My paranoia has been reduced significantly and my sense of humanity finally restored. It hasn`t been easy though.

I wouldn`t wish this on the dirtiest golddigging scum of the earth. What I have been through is like a waking nightmare that has lasted for three years now.

Does anyone else feel like sharing how their altered sense of reality has an effect on their relationships and the circumstances in their life?

[CANDC]

Welcome Back to Psych Central. Sorry you have suffered so much. It really makes relationships difficult. Here is the best story I have heard on coping with schizophrenia.
http://forums.psychcentral.com/video...-ted-talk.html

Many people meet with a psychiatrist to discuss medication options for diminishing symptoms.

Some people find a therapist helps them talk through some of the roots their challenges stem from.

Feel free to private message me or other Community Liasons (left click on the name to the left of the post you want to private message, select Send Private Message)

Thanks for sharing your story.

[Shaly78]

I'm glad you saw the light it very difficult to admit what is true...Stay strong!