Don't really care about myself

Schizophrenia rules my life.

My flesh wants me to suffer. My brain decides my ideas, opinions and facts and then flow everything through my veins within my blood cells. There's nothing that can be done for a problem that isn't clear to be decided. Leaving the world is now the only peaceful solution to nothing that exists of a justification to the name of a problem. I know that I'm not me so I don't exist. If it wants me to leave then it's decision is unknowingly final.

The image and sound of people scare me. At times I find myself running away from their sound waves. The goal of a nonexistent world of people is impossible. But ridding ones mass is more likely.

Blank heads are real. I hate the way things happen that shouldn't happen on a decision. This is because of the attraction of hate. But it doesn't matter. It is there to torture me because demons are designed in such a manner. There's nothing else that should be said.

As schizophrenics demon haunts us anytime anywhere. People might handle this kind of situation differently, but I personally won’t let myself give up to this. Yes demon is so powerful and I might end up losing my battle. When that time come, demon will see me holding a sharp sword against him, not against myself, and he will hear me saying “sorry demon, I chose to lose in an elegant way”.

Are you making a statement of self hate or did you write your feelings, views of yourself because you're asking for help. I don't want to assume. You sound self destructive.

My choice of words wasn't a choice during the moment of developing this post. The thoughts were existent then, but now are incomprehensible to me.