[cheshiregrins]

So I don't have schizophrenia- I have DID- but my shrink says when I dissociate it's pretty much the same as being psychotic because I'm not living in reality at the time. I see the world and people different etc. so much so that I created my own "world" over time, and I was delusional in that state. I guess it's really similar to schizophrenia except that I can snap out of it at times.

Anyway, antipsychotics have been a godsend for bringing me into reality most of the time, but I also loathe them. It's such a loss to lose my "world" even though logically I know it was all in my mind, I still feel like I'm grieving it. My mind is SO quiet now, and I realize that I am, in fact, alone, whereas before I suppose I was deluded enough to think I had a "friend" with me so I was never lonely back then.

Do you ever feel tempted to stop taking your meds because living in a world of your own creation is actually preferable at times? I do want to be well and I know that I can only achieve that in reality, but reality is making me so depressed. Anyone relate? I can't find anything online about adjusting to reality.

[Sometimes psychotic]

Yes I had this issue when I was first recovering, it's important to fill your life with friends and activities, it helps a lot.

[junkDNA]

for a long period i didnt want to give up my delusions. i know what it's like to miss that.

[ickydog2006]

Absolutely. I still mourneed some days. I try to remind myself that I can't maintain meaningful relationships if I go off meds (but relationships are hard work, especially when we're so used to living in a world our brains design), and most of us are introverts either by birth or survival mechanism. I was surprised to find myself in that mourning state again this week. Nothing was going wrong, I had been hanging out with people, and it was like the wave crashed over me again, "They're gone". It's like losing a loved one, except other's understand that. Other's find it rational. But our diseases are not rational. I know it doesn't make a lot of sense that I mourn something that made my life a living he'll, but that does not make that wave any less strong and it certainly doesn't make it magically go away. Over the years I've learned to cope better. I don't try to make my grief seem rational. I just try to ride through the waves of emotions knowing there will be times that they ebb and flow. I remind myself that feelings are temporary and as hard as it is to let myself feel them, they will eventually pass.

[12AM]

First, I am happy for you that your meds work well on you. No APs can make voices in my head quite so far, maybe I still need more time to find the right ones or the right dosage. Second, I agree that reality can be so depressing, and the fact that you feel “alone” now must be hard. But hey, you have a chance now to make real friends, do the real activities, etc. Why happy in “fake reality” if you can have a real happiness? I think it takes time though to get used to reality, so don’t be so hard on yourself, take a baby step. Try to do things that you couldn’t do back then. Anything, even if it seems small or unimportant. A new life is frightening yes, but don’t you think it’s exciting as well? I believe you can do it.

[cheshiregrins]

^^ Thanks for the encouraging words. Meds take away a lot of the crazy but they also take away the motivation/enjoyment I used to have. Everything is just 'blah.' I like running and make myself do that but that's pretty much all I enjoy at the moment. I started a new job 6 months ago that is new and challenging but I just don't care like I used to. I have no attachment to this "real" world.

[insilence]

i have a friend who swears you just need to ignore those extraeneous thoughts and live. He told me at first it was hard and he didnt succeed but lately hes been "normal" aside from a mild case of ADHD. the mind wants to wander, discipline is tough to achieve.