Dear schizophrenia

I just want to share this story of me. So when I was first diagnosed with schizophrenia 5 years ago, I was in catatonia. I was immobile, couldn’t speak, and I totally lost my consciousness. I didn’t feel like I was living in this world. I felt like I was in underworld, being tortured by demons and their monsters. One thing that I remember about this is before I was unconscious, I heard like 100 voices screaming on my ears at one time, they said they would kidnap me, they insulted me, and finally ordered me to commit suicide. I was fighting them back so hard, I said I don’t want to die. They were pushing me hard from above hence I fell to the underworld. When I finally gained my consciousness, it had passed 2 weeks already. But for me, I just felt like I went for couple of hours. After I gained back my consciousness, I never lost it again. Yes hallucinations and delusions are still here but never been strong enough to make me unconscious.

Fast forward now, finally, after 5 years, I start hearing that “100 voices” again. I don’t want to be in that underworld anymore, so I talked to my Pdoc. I told him that the voices are louder lately, and the other details of my conditions, such as I feel anxious and depressed as well. So he gave me some advices and increased the dosage of my meds. It won’t happen instantly for the voices to be gone. But I know they will soon, because now I feel better already. Now I am thinking that schizo meds is not a magic pill that will make me “happy” instantly, it’s only assistance, a bullet, while the weapon is myself. I can literally hit the “enemy’s head” with a gun, but I can’t do nothing with just a bullet. Will I be in this war forever? Yes. Will I give up? No. So, dear schizophrenia, hang in there, you will fight against me for a long time.

Thank you for this 12pm.

the way it started for me was real people stalked me for months, at work i started hearing "A-hole" through refridgerator and fan noises. same at home from my computer fan. It got real when at my dads house the fridge emitted a calm voice saying they were the FBI and told me to get out of town or they would be there in 15 minutes to kill me. that went on for a few weeks, at the hospital they knew the names and immediate locations of the nurses and kept telling me to tell them to let the fbi in so they could take me. and would say "we will stop this if you lay down and stop breathing for 5 minutes" so i would and they had a camera in my ward room, nurses were concerned about me. i got out and was put into a group home. they started showing me what they could do. moving the back of my retna to simulate stars moving, flashes in my visual cortex to simulate a satallite flashing me. but they can alter the magnetic field around your brain and this is where they can make you see "other" worldly beings. im not sure if they are real or holograms? i saw something "humanoid" but acted curious about the ground and carried a bag. I know this was induced because the sound of the bag dragging followed me from different living locations. And the 100s of voices thing almost got to me, i stopped sleeping in beds with springs. put up weedblock fabric and charcoal mesh screen over windows and walls and appliances, copper and silver winds on walls. wax smudge everywhere in house and yard. burn sage, spread sea salt, put grocery style sage leaves along metals, windows, around bed. all these practices will aid in weakening them for you over time. God bless and protect you!

I'm glad you shared this 12

Im very glad you shared your experiences, Insilence. I've read many of your posts and they have a ring of truth to them. I personally would be interested in hearing more, if you are so inclined to do so. () lighting a candle for you.
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thanks daisymazed! i almost died a few days ago from taking clozapine and smoking too much, currently quit the med and reduced smoking to a under 10 cigs a day along with gum. I have a 5 year story of mis-medication and voices. I basicly summed it up in the above post. If i told any more it gets to be a very scary ghost hunters episode mixed with mind control and torchure.

lastnight i mixed tropical fish food with overnight foot cream, stopped the voices almost totally
if you want to try it. the locations i rubbed it on are:
behind ears to jaw
neck front/back
shoulders/upper chest
left shin
right thigh

scratch the fish food/lotion idea..ended up failing.