[sduck]

Well, for the most part I did get to travel, party, have a social life, etc, but that's when I ignored my diagnoses, refusing medication, saying the doctors were full of crap, and then I tried to own up to my diagnosis because I wanted to get disability money. Easy money right? Just wanted to use it to help pay bills and whatnot, my family doesn't make a lot of money, but owning up to it made me think telling people was okay. And that's when things went wrong, because it made me believe I did have a problem, so I got hooked on some medical program, wasn't literally disability, but they gave me meds and I started to abuse them. Now I have all these weird symptoms, but that's only part of what's bothering me.

Being treated, "special", like people have called me crazy, useless, said I had no status, tried to refrain me from being outspoken and proud. I first I just blew it off, because I know what I have in life, but these people just were so sure I was this useless crazy person that was fun to harass and ridicule, no matter what I said to them, and it has psychologically scarred me, where my mind is constantly telling me this is who I am. It's hard to even talk to people at all anymore, without being this "passive nice guy", instead of being my normal proud sociable self.

It's probably redundant for people who've seen my threads before but this just won't stop bothering me. People keep telling me those were just bad people, but that experience has seriously damaged me mentally and physically, and I feel like I'll just never have a life again.

[cincidak]

I felt the same way for a while, but now that my doctor has found the right medication combination I'm stable and rebuilding my life. I too have side effects from the psych drugs. I take two antipsychotics and a mood stabilizer, and a low dose antidepressant. I've been stable for nine months. I've had to discover what to do with myself now that I feel better. How do I act normal? You know what I mean. I'm outgoing and social, but I isolated for so long that I'm just now venturing out again. My prayers are with you.

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[sduck]

I apologize if I offended anyone...I'm just so sad...I feel like all my dreams are crushed...

[ickydog2006]

I remember the first times I went home after having my diagnosis and hospitalizations. I felt like I was wearing a giant sign that said "Gawk at me,I'm schizophrenic!" But in reality vary few people knew/cared and most people are so caught up in their own problems and focused on what they want, theyes usually couldn't care less what is going on with us. Just my opinion.

[MoonSunn]

Originally Posted by ickydog2006

I remember the first times I went home after having my diagnosis and hospitalizations. I felt like I was wearing a giant sign that said "Gawk at me,I'm schizophrenic!" But in reality vary few people knew/cared and most people are so caught up in their own problems and focused on what they want, theyes usually couldn't care less what is going on with us. Just my opinion.

this. dont worry people will forget.. with proper meds you will have a normal life again

[OliverB]

I have never had a normal life and I doubt I can. But it'snot that bad.

[sduck]

Originally Posted by ickydog2006

I remember the first times I went home after having my diagnosis and hospitalizations. I felt like I was wearing a giant sign that said "Gawk at me,I'm schizophrenic!" But in reality vary few people knew/cared and most people are so caught up in their own problems and focused on what they want, theyes usually couldn't care less what is going on with us. Just my opinion.

Yeah that's how it was for me at first, but I encountered a group of people who tried to treat me like an outcast JUST because of it. Everyone keeps telling me they were just bad people, but for some reason I can't get over it. Like the next group of social people I become attached to is going to give me a similar experience.

I remember after my hospitalization. one morning I woke up, did 40 pushups and then looked at my book case. Atop it were my prescription drugs. God I felt weak taking that first handful of barbaric old, outdated drugs. I had a terrible psychiatrist at the time. Things actually do get better. They will not be the same, but they get better. Just don't lose grip off your passions and accept help when you need it. Keep your chin up and your shoulder to the grindstone.