[A18793715]

I want to go. Not only for safety. But for them to help me find a pdoc and t and all of things that can help me. I'm trying so ****ing hard on my own but I'm too scared and I rarely end up calling anyone or going. :cries: I can't do this myself. I want to give up.

*****TRIGGER*******
I want to take all of my muscle relaxers and anxiety meds and sleep forever
*****END************


I'm so tired. What do I do? Do I go? Do I tell my bf? I would much rather tell me ex but I'm trying my hardest to not depend on him like I want to. If I could be with my ex, I would. But things will never be and we've talked about it lots. But still. He's the only one who gave me courage to go to the hospital. I want to go but I feel like everyone is laughing and judging me and that people in the future (like job managers and teachers) are going to know I'm weak and pathetic and couldn't go to the hospital alone even. Let alone the fact I feel I need to go just to stay safe.

I don't know what to do. They tell me not to. They're making fun of me. I'm weak and pathetic. I'm worthless. Why bother? I can't do this.

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[scar12346]

Originally Posted by A18793715

I want to go. Not only for safety. But for them to help me find a pdoc and t and all of things that can help me. I'm trying so ****ing hard on my own but I'm too scared and I rarely end up calling anyone or going. :cries: I can't do this myself. I want to give up.

*****TRIGGER*******
I want to take all of my muscle relaxers and anxiety meds and sleep forever
*****END************


I'm so tired. What do I do? Do I go? Do I tell my bf? I would much rather tell me ex but I'm trying my hardest to not depend on him like I want to. If I could be with my ex, I would. But things will never be and we've talked about it lots. But still. He's the only one who gave me courage to go to the hospital. I want to go but I feel like everyone is laughing and judging me and that people in the future (like job managers and teachers) are going to know I'm weak and pathetic and couldn't go to the hospital alone even. Let alone the fact I feel I need to go just to stay safe.

I don't know what to do. They tell me not to. They're making fun of me. I'm weak and pathetic. I'm worthless. Why bother? I can't do this.

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Take a step back, friend. You are neither weak nor pathetic. You are looking for help, which is one of the hardest things. I don't know about your country but in here the pdocs are free in the psych ward. I suggest you go and ask about it. But remember one things: You are NOT weak. You've survived so far, do you call this weak? You are already stronger than a lot of people. And you are not alone. No one will laugh at you for seeking help. Actually the smart people will have huge respect for you. The stupid and ignorant people are the ones who will laugh, let them laugh. You are stronger than them.

[12AM]

Feeling safe is one of the most crucial things human needs to stay alive. We are not weak when we want to feel safe. You are not weak. I'd go to hospital if I were you. Wake up and tell your bf, and not your ex, just because your bf is there with you right now so he can drive you to hospital. Never hear what the voices say, we all know that they are liars when they said bad things about ourselves. Send you hug A, please do seek for help

[Sometimes psychotic]

People in the future won't know your psych history unless you disclose....medical stuff doesn't show up on a background check. Honestly I think it's time for you to go in....not because I have great insight into your condition but because you want to go. What is holding you back?

[A18793715]

Originally Posted by Sometimes psychotic

People in the future won't know your psych history unless you disclose....medical stuff doesn't show up on a background check. Honestly I think it's time for you to go in....not because I have great insight into your condition but because you want to go. What is holding you back?

I'm scared. They keep taunting me and telling me if I go, that I'll be weak and the government is trying to make it where they'll just keep people like me locked in like it was 80 years ago. I'm so terrified that's about to happen.

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[12AM]

How about telling people you can trust which hospital you are going, so if you don't come back in certain time they would know where to pick you up? Will it calm you?

[A18793715]

Originally Posted by 12PM

How about telling people you can trust which hospital you are going, so if you don't come back in certain time they would know where to pick you up? Will it calm you?

They always know. It reminds me of my first involuntary visit at barely 18 and I freaked out and my entire family came up there but they refused to let me leave. When I asked for an AMA paper, they threatened to send me to state and told me I'd be there longer.

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[Erti]

I find hospitals have helped me in some ways... Not just the obvious ways... In a way it made me feel safe from myself.

[A18793715]

Originally Posted by Erti

I find hospitals have helped me in some ways... Not just the obvious ways... In a way it made me feel safe from myself.

That's mainly why I go. To feel safe from myself on top of everything else

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[Nammu]

In tx they are unlikely to send you to a state hospital as there's a lot of red tape involved. If you go in voluntarily that won't be an issue. You sound like you need a lot more support than you're getting. If you are thinking about taking all your meds please call a hotline or suicide line and talk to them( just google suicide hotlines for your area) They can help you find support wether it is a group or hospital. Think about an IOP or partial hospital too. You go to group during the day and sleep at home. Explore your options with the hotline people they will be far more supportive than your current friends.

[88Butterfly88]

I really think you should go to the hospital. You are stronger than you think.

[Nammu]

I forgot to add to my post that if you are feeling unsafe go to ER and ask to speak to a social worker. I did that once and it was far more helpful than seeing a doctor.

[A18793715]

Originally Posted by Nammu

I forgot to add to my post that if you are feeling unsafe go to ER and ask to speak to a social worker. I did that once and it was far more helpful than seeing a doctor.

I'm too scared to go to the ER and tell them. I feel like it's a trap. I told my boyfriend and he asked if I wanted to drop my summer two classes and go to the hospital. Of course, my answer was no automatically. I asked if he thought I was getting worse and he said he thought I was when he first moved in here a few months ago but he thought I was starting to get better. That scares me. That's always been bad. It's like the calm before the hurricane. (Storm isn't a strong enough word). I want to run and hide somewhere but I don't have anywhere to hide.

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