Roll call 80

Need to calm this excessive happiness before I become god and ruin it all and come back to sanity. You feel me?

No drugs involved so this is god.. i mean good.

I was feeling really sad last night and this morning over nothing and listening to sad songs.

But I had a good 1.5 hour sleep.

Obvious ups and downsies but what can I say?

I believe I'm just getting really better and I hope it stays like this as long as I don't mess it up and get too excited.

God or the devil is out to get me... not sure which BUT whoever it is... **** you for putting children through pain... They don't deserve it.

I think I rather burn in hell...

gory gory what a hellofaway to die...

I'm enjoying the sound of neighborhood fire works. In the past, my poor cat used to be so afraid of this holiday. She'd run under the bed and not come back out.

I forgot what I wanted to post about. Oh, about this holiday. I'd be enjoying it much more if I didn't have to go anywhere this week. But I should be more cheered up about it because with my friend here I think we can go over to the local DMV after my clinic appointments and get my drivers license renewal started. Then I just have to get current lenses.

The problem is there have been so many zillions of new regulations clogging the works it probably is not easy at all to get it done quickly. I guess though that I'll have to remember to bring some mail and my birth certificate. I hope it's going to be OK. They might insist on my having the right vision lenses before I renew and then I'll be in more trouble.

I can't have so many stupid things like that to get through, in person. I think it can be done via the snail mail, but not online.

And I'm scared of SSDI letters to assess my health and renew/review my SSDI. The hospital sunk me and kicked me by writing a much milder diagnosis of me. I wonder what they had against me.

**** the system... they want to screw us over and kill us all.

I don't disagree. It seems the more circumstances are against you, the less people are willing to give you a break.

I get that people have their own issues and that not to take things at face value but seriously some people just have it easier than others. I'm not a starving child in Africa but I'm also not the richest people in the world. People label us as lazy and not wanting to help ourselves... Well I'm trying my ****in' hardest to help myself. I'm not saying throw money at me but I like to make sure I have my basic needs... Food, water, clothes, shelter, and health care.

Health care should be a right... the right to live... too many people die without getting the healthcare they need.

Happy 4th of July.

Thanks on behalf of the great Northeast! I have a feeling you meant something else though. I hope your week will get better fast.

I see my new psych doctor tomorrow. Hoping she listens.

Just had a bad episode today, and I had a paper due. When I regained clarity my wife had written my paper. Man I owe her.

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How are you feeling now?

I think everyone should be watching the SyFy channel while the twilight zone marathon is still on.

I'm still nervous about the rest of the week of course. Everytime I think about the rest of the week I get scared.

And I can't remember what I wanted to post again.

I wonder what I'll wear. To go do my two appointments and hopefully go to start my license renewal.

I'm so nervous. I wish I hadn't kept acquiring so much stuff in the past 10 years.

But what did I want to post?

Much better. Thanks for asking. Still not all there but it happens.

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What happened to your old one? Did they move away?

Not sure but where I'm at I am constantly getting new people. I've had 3 different pdocs, 3 different therapist, and probably 5 different case managers.

We all have those... I've been having more and more of those lately. I don't think my medication is working.