[scar12346]

A little backstory first. In the month of December last year me and my girlfriend broke up. I really don't remember anything from December to April, except how I almost died from drug overdose on the 1st of January.
Well we are back together now. The reason why we broke up was because she was cheating on me with.. 3 guys. And now she is "cheating" on me with another one. We are in an open relationship but she keeps lying to me. She is so in love with her ex that she continuously looks for someone to remind her of him, leaving me feel like a worthless piece of trash. She said something that send me to a flashback. I spend the whole night "knowing" that the month is December, we broke up, and that she hates me. I relapsed even though it was hard, but I bit my hand until it started bleeding. My sheets are red, just like what happened last year.
I'm asking myself again, aren't anti-psychotics's job is to keep me away from this?
We did talk last night but I didn't believe a word she said. I kept repeating that I lose everyone and I am always alone and she kept repeating that happiness is not a real thing. It hurts. Sometimes I wonder, why even bother do stuff. I live in a town full of bridges over the river. Why would I even bother moving alone when my psychosis ruins everything that I love.

[12AM]

Anti-psychotics work to reduce symptoms, but they don't instantly bring happiness. Personally, I think happiness is real and everyone deserves it including you. Your gf sounds abusive to me, tricking you by saying happiness isn't real so you will stick around her and her abusive behaviour. Anyone without mental illness would be devastated being in that kind of relationship, let alone people like us who has MI. I would think twice about continuing this relationship if I were you. That kind of person won't help our recovery, they will make our symptoms worse instead.

[Takeshi]

Hey, I've read one of your post in the addiction forum recently, that was pretty cool. One thing at a time, right? We all have to live with cravings and desires, if you keep searching, you may come across some knowledge that you can resonate with, set you on the right path, you see your own potential not on the flatline but on upwards direction. You first define yourself as a man, then many other things follow suit, including the meanings, the happiness which I consider as all being made up.

Simply put, I guess you're gonna have to think like your psychosis is not ruining your capacity for love.