[mindwrench]

I have known since I was a small child that I either had the ability to animate things or an imagination that was not properly seperated from reality. As I've learned so much in recent months about mental disorders, and had it suggested due to other factors that I may be psychotic I've been thinking about it.

From the time I was very young, I have been able to influence objects in low light conditions. I had several tapestries on my bedroom walls as a child, one with horses by a river and another with deer in a winter forest scene. With only a night light for illumination I would watch the tapestries and the horses tails would begin to swish around like real horses do. Then they would bend down to drink water from the river, and they would walk around grazing in the nearby meadow. The deer on the other tapestry would walk around looking for vegetation in the snow, and scamper into and out of the woods in the background.

When the tapestries were fully animated I would notice other things happening in my room such as the clothes in my closet swaying back and forth and moving as if something was in my closet behind the clothes. I would lay as close to the middle of my bed as possible with my hands to my sides as I would see glimpses of fingers at the edges of my bed, and the door knob on my door would turn back and forth and the door would jiggle like someone or something was trying to open it.

I wanted to watch the horses walk around, and expected them to do it. But I did not want the scary things to happen. I would usually stick my head under the covers and try to go to sleep when it got too scary.

It's worth noting that I dont recall ever trying to or expecting things to animate in the daytime, or in bright light as I may have been able to under those conditions but didn't try it.

Fast forward 30 some years. I've retained the ability to animate things in low light all this time, and also when I do it then other things happen that I don't want such as if I make my clothes hangers swing on the closet rod, then spiders will crawl across my covers, and things move out the corner of my eye and I feel as if things are crawling on me, and see flashes of light that have no logical source and I sometimes see a dark figure standing in the corner of my room. I have not done much testing on this in the daylight or in bright conditions. But I have seen visual distortions involuntarily during high anxiety in the daytime with bright lighting.

My eyesight has always been weird in that if I relax my eyes then I have double vision, and if I'm looking at a paragraph and do it the sentences slowly drift behind each other and some move closer to me and some get farther away. I recently did this while reading the forums and let the words float around to see what they would do and they formed shapes, and then the spaces between words formed lines which made large jagged letters that slowly rotated and drifted around. I then noticed a darkened area of pixels, like a dark cloud on the screen, that seemed to move around on it's own. I pointed at it, and was able to make it follow where my finger pointed on the screen. While doing this I started seeing small things like mice, or big bugs running under my bedroom door and behind my television stand. So again, if I animated things then other unwanted things happened.

Could I be suppressing unwanted visions most of the time, and letting them run free at other times? If I relax my eyes and just let myself see whatever there is to see then i get the doubling I also see very faint tye dye colors floating and weird shapes and squiggly lines, and like rainbow colored tv static that is very faint but is in my entire field of view. If I close my eyes I continue to see the colors and shapes only they are very vivid. I have never closed my eyes and seen nothing, there is always colors and flashes and patterns and like psychadelic kaleidoscopes and there has been all my life when my eyes are closed.

I have always known since I was young that I had to be very cautious with my mind, as to not think about very scary things as I could create them and then have trouble getting rid of them. I have issues with being followed and spied on,some of which is based on real evens that I had happen to me. But I find myself suppressing while out in public, and if I don't stay on top of it then white vehicles with tinted windows will be the majority of the vehicles around me, and people will begin staring me down, and following me to my destinations. I know, I know that sounds like classic psychosis, or paranoid delusions. Also I have much less control over my visual features when my anxiety is high.

Has anyone else had similar experiences with making hallucinations happen, or just stopping suppressing them to see what happens? Can you focus on an object and make it move, at least in a way that takes on a life of it's own?

Since posting this I decided to try moving things in bright light. I tried making my clothes move in my closet and after about 10 seconds I seen like heat waves between me and the closet. After a few seconds more the closet and the wall began to twist and the closet stretched out of the wall and pulled towards me. I looked away and it went back to normal. I tried it again on a coat rack and was able to have the visual of the coat moving and then the door leaned down and pulled the whole wall with it. Both times it made my head feel hot in the center. I can make the ceiling light fixture move around the ceiling in low light, but while trying to do it with the light on it began misting in my room. I couldn't feel the droplets but the visual of them coming down in here was clear as can be.

[sadstarkid]

hello! i had the same ability when i was younger- and still have it happen involuntarily now! sorry i dont know what else to say, but at least youre not alone!

Have you ever had an MRI to make sure nothing is physically happening here? If you are able to move objects with your mind, there is a one million dollar reward if you can prove it. If you try to prove it to others and cannot repeat the action in the presence of others, it would be safe to say this is psychosis.

[mindwrench]

I've not had a mri of my brain. I'm pretty sure whatever it is has been that way all my life, I've only recently began to explore the ways in which it has effected things.

If I could not repeat the action with others watching and they see it, it's also safe to say I might have to go away for awhile. I don't plan to tell anyone locally about it, not all of it anyway.

If you're not harming anyone maybe they won't section you. They would probably give you medication. How much distress does it cause you? Can you deal with it on your own?

Certainly they shouldn't section you if you are not a danger to yourself or others, but if it is making you too anxious you might need help. It's up to you whether you tell anyone or not. But until you test it out with someone you trust and see if someone else experiences it too you won't know if it's real or your imagination. Is there anyone you can trust?

[mindwrench]

I didn't mean to indicate that I thought I could actually bend walls and break the laws of physics. I know that it must be in my perception only. The visual experiments I was doing last night by concentrating on objects is not something I have engaged in much at all. I think it makes things worse at least for awhile when I do it on purpose. It was not much fun going to bed last night.

[greentires4me]

I used to do that but then I get horrid hallucinations of bugs and could feel them crawling all over me and and see them with my eyes closed it was horrible it was gross clicking of wings and such just something I didn't want to listen to. probably makes everyones skin crawl here. very tactile halllucinations