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I guess associate of arts and a bachelors in philosophy.

But ill be honest. Ive been in college for almost 10 years. Its prob a career by now. A career not going well. In the beginning it was so stressful i was in the hospital numerous times. I did so well online vs in person. The only problem was i was bored sitting at home doing it but i was content but not happy.

Now...going back in person i feel like im going to have a breakdown. Its very stressful.

I was feeling so sui this morning and past week. Im still very depressed.

I called my mom and she understood. Weird right?

My dad told me if i withdraw i prob wont get accepted back

My sister told me that if i withdraw i prob wont go back anyway so just to stay and persevere.

Someone from clinic who works there said "just do it. Its called sacrifice!".

Am i wrong? Am i lazy?
Most everyone around me is making me feel lazy but my mental illness has been flaring up. I got paranoid at school and on the bus and driving. I kept looking over my schoulder. Thinking people were going to get me. Ive been having to take my vistaril more and more. Antianxiety med.

Anyway. Yea.

Hmmm well I've heard it both ways....when I had my first pdoc he was like if it's destabilizing you don't do it but my 2nd T was like surprised he said that.....I guess for psychosis it's serious enough that it becomes reasonable to pack it up but they don't tell that to other people....my 2nd T has no psychosis training. Still if you are 12-18 credits away from done it's hard not to keep pushing toward that goal. Can you live closer to school like walking distance? That's what I always did.

Im 12+ credits away from an associate degree. Not bachelors. I could do a whole associate online. The bachelors id have to go in person to complete it. Not what im wanting to do so much (at least for the school i want to goto).

I have 32 credits. Bachelors at UNT require 120 credits. Associate at the community college require 48 i think.

I tried many times to scout out housing and such. I spent so much time and money on school this month. I have no money left. Anyway apartments in that town are around 1100-1200 a month. Cant afford that. Dorms are 6-7K for 9 months. Cant really afford that either.

Maybe stick with the online associates then? I guess for me school was always about the path though getting to where I wanted to work....are you doing it to get a job or just to get the degree? An associates is still something to be proud of

Thank you.

Good question.

At this point working still may not be an option for me. Ive seen what ive gone through the past so many years and i haven't succeeded at much. I continually fail. So a job may not be an option for me even after graduation.

I cant see myself working. At least not full time. Maybe part time. Right now im just focusing on the degree. I feel if i think too far ahead itll be DOOM.

Never fails. When I think I'm fine I'm floridly psychotic. Disappeared because yeah of course I did. A lot happened last year. All personality disorders were removed from my records as I'm psychotic literally all the time so... that happened.

I don't know what to do. Pretty sure people hate me here anyways.

I don't hate you AD....sorry you've been having a rough time......

Thank you. It's hard to know what to say. I'm not me anymore. So much happened and I can't explain it all as I'm being watched. No point in it anyways gah. That's just the thing I don't feel like doing anything and if I try I get too many thoughts and don't do anything useful. Situation normal.

I'm sorry you're feeling this way. I can empathize completely as this is how most of my life has become as well.

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