Delusions of Grandeur

Well, hell. I am not schizophrenic; I am schizoaffective with a strong psychotic component and frequent psychotic episodes. I have posted a few threads on the schizoaffective forums discussing my symptoms, and NO ONE RESPONDS. So I figured I'd post to the schizophrenic forums, where you guys have more experience with psychosis, and we'll go from there.

For the past few years I have been experiencing frequent delusions of grandeur, which would be funny if I were able to question them as they occur but which instead suck me in and convince me I am destined for great things.

One of these delusions is that I am responsible for stopping the fighting between the Israelis and the Palestinians. Along with this, apparently I had some free time in the Middle East and also convinced the Chinese to pull out of Tibet, so the Dalai Lama could go home. I am eagerly awaiting my Nobel Peace Prize, and the voices in my head assure me it's on the way!

The peoples of the Middle East, and the peoples of Asia, are so grateful for my interventions and peace efforts that they are putting together a package of a billion dollars, just for me. That'll buy a lot of Ben & Jerry's!

Supermodels are cat-fighting with each other for which ones get to fill my bed. I've been looking forward to this for some time, but they seem to have a hard time finding my apartment...

The entertainment industry (books, music, movies) has been spying on me for years, to determine my favorite media tropes. They are producing scores of products specifically with me in mind.

I know how to play 5 musical instruments, because the government is teaching me when I'm asleep, through subliminal messages planted in ads on my computer.

I am a world-renowned writer, and my books are available globally in 70 languages.

When not occupied with all these pursuits, I have been inspiring the people of India to do away with the remnants of their caste system, so everyone there is now equal. No word on if they're putting together cash for me.

These are some of my fonder delusions. There are grim ones, like I am going to be responsible for a nuclear war, but I won't focus on those here. I'm in a positive mood this afternoon, and will keep it sunny.

Just a note: I really am a writer, with a number of published books to my credit, one of which I believe is a work of genius. To me this is a matter of opinion, not a delusion of grandeur. I can cite reasons why I think my book qualifies as a work of genius, based on reality and a not a cluster of false accomplishments whispered to me by the voices in my head. It's always interesting to try to figure out where delusion ends and opinion begins.

What about other people on the forums? Do you have delusions of grandeur? What shape do yours take? I've read the usual: people think they're Jesus, think they're Julius Caesar, think they're the President, etc. Anyone else care to divulge your secret identities and accomplishments ?

I also have schizoaffective and I also have had delusions of grandeur, but in a stable state it's embarrassing to recall.

The sza boards don't have as many active members so people are less likely to respond----I'm bipolar with psychotic features and I hang out here too---it's really more of a psychosis catch all.

I thought I was being trained to be a shaman so I could pass on energy from a wind goddess in the dream world and I would be able to passively heal people....it was a longer lasting delusion I don't have so many as you......

yo, me too

Hi! Cool!! What kind of book did you write? That's got to make it more confusing for you. I have delusions of grandeur but I'm not famous. I thought I was going to be famous but it wasn't from the schizophrenia. It was because my ex hypnotized me and I was hearing about it in music and on tv. It did spin off into schizophrenia. I started to hallucinate rock stars, mostly Bono. I don't have a secret identity and haven't really accomplished anything in my life. Sounds like you have your head together even though your thinking it. I mean your still joking about it. Thanks for sharing your story. Keep writing those books!!!

Hi Chessie123;

I'm not famous. I'm self-published, and that means obscurity. I write fantasy books and short stories. Like any cripple, I've learned to work within the limits of my SAD; an hour here, an hour there. Only in psychosis do I think I'm famous. Sometimes the delusions are really intense and go on for months, and sometimes they are occasional.

Your schizophrenic experiences sound freaky, as psychosis always does. It's refreshing to be reminded that most mentally ill people do not have violent delusions but silly ones instead. Peace in the Middle East, really? All by myself? When I'm between delusions, it just seems bizarre that I believed in them and checked the Nobel Prize website a number of times waiting to be announced.

As to having my head together, sometimes I think that if I can write a book, I can go back to work. But it's the way I write the book that is telling. Like I said, an hour here and an hour there, never more than 2 hours a day. I try to imagine a job where I can work 2 hours a day, staggered, and have frequent mania and psychotic fits. What kind of employer would tolerate that?

For this year I'm going to write a mental illness memoir about 13 months of my illness, starting out with a bad spell and then lightening up, then another bad spell. So many mental illness memoirs show symptoms, then the shrinks fixing everything, then a return to normal life. But for a lot of us there is no magic bullet. The illness cycles bad and cycles good, and we suck it up. A third of SAD sufferers stabilize but never return to health. I think I'm in that group.

I hope your symptoms aren't eating you alive and that you get on a good regimen of therapy, CBSST or meditation, and medicine. Thanks for your post!

I'm sure you have good intentions, if inside you are looking to make world peace.

Do you sell copies on Amazon or anywhere? I'd love to read it. I bet its good! I know we have big imaginations, so fantasy was a good choice. I'd actually love to read your memoirs when you write it. I like to see other people view on it too.

My doctor says i'll never be free of meds but I'm on the lowest dose. Not very comforting. I think were in the same boat. I'm still dealing with other peoples acceptance that I'm not getting from anyone. I'm sure that's why, its never going to be like it was before the illness.

Enjoy Your Weekend!
C

Wow I would love to read your book

I am intrigued. Do any of you engage in behaviors consistent with these grandiose thoughts? For example, if you begin to believe yourself to be a world famous creative light, do you compulsively paint or write for long periods, or spend hours on the phone trying to reach actual famous directors, producers, publishers, etc? Or, do you feel as if you have already accomplished outstanding things simply by imagining them?

The reason I am asking is that, as a depressed person, I seem to have "delusions of mediocrity" as it were, and my behaviors are consistent with that - I avoid trying things because I don't expect my efforts to end well, or I think I am some unlucky bumbling idiot, etc. I am also wondering why people with bipolar mania will behave consistently with their delusions of grandeur - obviously a potentially dangerous combination - and yet some people with somewhat similar-looking disorders don't appear to do so.

If this is getting off-topic, please let me know and I'll repost elsewhere.

Good morning, Onward.
"Delusions of mediocrity," that's funny. People don't usually talk about their symptoms in a funny way.

Yes, when manic or suffering delusions of grandeur, I have sent emails to famous writers declaring my genius, or demanding they help me become more widely known in the industry since I am their equal, or accusing them of operating at part of a cabal of industry insiders who are holding back my career, which would be HUGE if they just quit holding me down. I have gotten some very puzzled emails back in return, and I am sure that there are writers out there who kind of wonder exactly what I've been smoking. As to winning the Nobel Prize, I feel that it's not something I need to do, I've already done it. All I have to do is wait for the announcement, then go pick up my prize.

Chessie and 4youreyes, my first memoir is on amazon, here: https://www.amazon.com/Randal-Burnin...randal+doering. This covers the first 3 years of my SAD, untreated and raving out of my mind, homeless and hounded by the cops and the voices in my head. I call this a memoir, but people tell me it is a horror story.

All my commercial books can be found here: https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=dp_byli...=relevancerank. I would recommend one book above all others, and that is Indian Spirits, which is the story of a mentally ill homeless man who tries to stop a supernatural killer from murdering little children and eating their corpses. Here is the link: https://www.amazon.com/Indian-Spirit...randal+doering.

I hope you enjoy these books, and if you read them, let me know what you think. There aren't very many books out there about SAD, and as far as I know my books Indian Spirits and Weeping Woman are the only fantasy fiction about the disorder. If you know of any more SAD fiction, let me know!

Hello Neodoering, my most bizarre and consistent delusion is of being a demon prince(especially since i'm female). I have bizarre dreams that the voices convince me are actually memories. They can be pretty gruesome and i'm afraid if I ever published my journals people would vomit. I call this particular delusion one of grandeur partly because of the things "I" have "accomplished" in the past. I've razed entire cities. . . One odd offshoot is that whilst living in Ireland during the 9th century I managed to father a child by a woman of the last name Kildare which of course is where county kildare came from. My progeny founded a county in Ireland. But not really, of course.
And In response to Onward2wards's question ; Unfortunately, yes I do act in accordance with my delusions(when they become severe enough). The above mentioned delusion can become quite dangerous to myself and others so I try to catch any oddness at the first hint.
I do have some odd or funny thoughts such as being able to talk to animals or being able to bring powers and abilities/even people out of dreams. When I was a teen I studied magic and the art of doing just that for hours on end. Why my parents didn't think that was odd I have no idea.
I'm also interested in your books Neodoering and will see if I can get ahold of some to read.

When my psychosis began I was tripping for months before they sectioned me or "detained" me. Its so embarrassing that I would ever believe such nonsense. I thought I was some sort of messiah, I was going to be famous, ...through reading I realised this was a manifestation of me feeling so insignificant and small in real life.
My ex had to breakdown the bathroom door as he thought id collapsed as id been in over an hour. I cant remember specifics but I thought I was transforming into some else, and I nearly drunk a bottle of mouthwash thinking it might kill me (I guess bleach would have done the trick)
I was obviously suicidal so the psychosis was partly a defence mechanism to prevent me from acting on the impulse.

When I had my second meltdown, I was having horrific experiences horror like delusions and almost hallucinogenic dream like states. I cannot stress how shaken they left me. Id descended into a bit of depravity - watching porn and gory horrors so when the psychosis took hold I was imagining Armageddon, felt like I was being abducted and my body was being sucked up into space. My room was a portal to another dimension, a cardboard box opened up to a jungle where I was hunted by soldiers .....you get the idea....I must have a good imagination or ive read too many pulp novels. Maybe one day ill write my own, watch out Stephen king lol

Over the last week I have had several instances of delusions that I am God. Never had this one before; this is new. I am sure that I have awesome powers, and if people aren't careful I will turn all conservatives into homosexuals, so they will learn compassion No, I don't know where this comes from; it just rises from my illness.

What would you do, fellow whack jobs, if you had God's power? Strike people down? Turn polluters and sexual predators into butterflies? Heal all the hurts of the human race? Are you a punisher or a healer? Or are you sectarian, and you would stick to your own religion/race/gender/profession -- God made very, very small?