Roll Call 86

I know and i am. Which like i said makes no sense to go. I am very lonely. For some reason i have jt in my head that if i ever have to goto the hospital and it disconnects me from social media/phone/texting then i wonder if people will even notice if i am gone? I doubt it. I just dont think that theres many people in my life that truly care about me. Which sucks because i care so much about so many people.

Ive been thinking seriouslt a lot about social media this past month and just disconnecting. But i dont think anyone would notice i was gone. And then it makes me think about my own death .

Anyway hows everyone tonight?

Doing pretty we'll. how are you?
Fwiw I would notice if you were gone.

Thank you valley

Morning

Woke up early
Had a nightmare that some guys was takng pics of me and my family in our home without our consent. Took my anger out on him in my dream. Woke up startled

Im so tired. Its like i cant get enough sleep ever.

I saw Logan yesterday

i saw it the other night. did you like it?

thought it was really dark and gory. the girl was a bad-*** but i didn't really like her voice. it was high-pitched , and that she would say things in spanish then translate into english. just didnt seem natural to me. other than that i liked it

we have never seen Wolverine use his claws to actually cut/kill people... this movie was the first time the audience ever got to see it. and it was bloody!!! and gross

I feel really low right now. Sleep isnt enough. I feel like i dont want to exist anymore. My parents think i lay around all day and waste my life away. My dad keeps coming in my room, making statements about me, and leaves. I dont like my life at all. Maybe im depressed. Im not sure whats wrong with me i wish i knew. Im not happy at all. Im hearing stuff again off and on.

I think im going to ask my doctor for an AD. I hate doing that because if i get off it itll make me feel sui. Plus weight gain...im already overweight pretty bad.

Are there any support groups that have meetings around where you live? My daughter has been going to this group for people using the mental health care system. She found a new boyfriend there.
When I was younger I used to go to a similar group and made a romantic hook up that lasted a couple of years.
For a long time I had a hard time entering into a serious romantic relationship. I realize now that I was too self-conscious about what other people would think about my choice in a partner so in a way I was letting other people run my life.
That first relationship that I fell into sure help turn my life around.

editing is tiresome... I can't stop yawning. I hope its not because my book is boring lol. This is some heavy **** I wrote about, so it takes a lot of concentration. So far I've only edited 2 chapters plus the prologue

I think that's a good idea...it will help with the anxiety too......

I take Zoloft (along with a mood stabilizer) and haven't had any weight gain.
Going to pick up my meds and go grocery shopping. Wish me luck.
Having a decent day just hanging around. Wish I didn't have to go out.

my safe space

I keep hearing things off and on.

I have all these ideas of what my issue might be and they all have truth to them but it boils down to depression.

Seems to have started when i got taken off the xanax/ambien and had that whole fiasco with school.

I dont see my doctor til Tuesday. My app therapist is away cuz shes having a baby. So ive been out of that for 3 days. Im managing for now.

Hey all first time using tap talk app but now I can share pics ooo hope ya like!!

I feel so much better right now after talking to a friend. I hope this feeling lasts!

Hows everyone tonight?

Worried.
Yesterday I murdered another innocent person in my dreams. That tomorrow will be a long day doesn't help much.

Pretty good. Had a good night now I'm just relaxing. Feeling sleepy bed can't come fast enough.

I believe I'm in psychosis it's scary man!!

I usually hate gore, but I found that the gore in Logan wasn't too bad, it actually kind of excited me
But I thought it was very dark and sad. The movie was good to me, I haven't seen any other Wolverine movies but I still felt sad at the end. I really thought it was good and it was enjoyable to watch

The gore wasn't that bad and I realized that if I could handle that, then I may as well watch Deadpool because I heard that the gore in it was similar.