Roll Call 86

My therapist is book for another month.

Maybe an event is a better term for things that happen.

you are not making sense Angelique

Haha, im not very clear just now. It's part of the memory crisis I've been going through.

Who, me? IM ok. My back is just not getting better.

? Im glad your appointment got done!

May I ask what is the regal beagle today?

You can make a database of things like "he's on his way home now... Of course, this is stalking behaviour but once you notice any routines he has, you can add that in. It's not stalking if you. You will notice that he's going out soon so you can ask him if he'd lime to go to a restaurant with you.

But all that is really easy, except for the point that you get from

Angelique, your disorganized speech is concerning

It is concerning
I hope you're okay, Angelique

Thanks, Kori. My thoughts aren't messy in my head, haha.

What's your benzo regimen like right now?

Hows everyone tonight?

Worried about Angelique

My day was okay. How a about you??

Im really wanting to goto a private therapist but not many therapists take medicare. I looked around and most take 130-150 dollars per session. If i were to even go 2 times a month, thatd be 300 dollars or so going to that.

Sucks. I just dont have the money but this clinic is using me so badly

My day was same ol same ol. Nothing new.

I binged...

**** me

I haven't been around because I was feeling great with no bad thoughts or anything. I only seem to pop by and stay in touch when something is off.

I had a moment today where I couldn't recognize that my arm was my arm. It worries me. Not a good sign.

I feel more cut off than usual from my social group (work). It's all work and I talk all day but nothing means anything it's empty I'm missing the meaningful conversations.

I know that the less I socialize the worse my head gets but I don't know how to socialize more I feel cut off.

I'm doing everything I can to keep myself from going THERE again. I'm happy and full of energy but I feel myself isolating where it matters whether it's intentional or not I can tell it's happening and it's just a step backwards.

Trying not to think about it only makes me think about it more.

Edit: I also notice I think people are laughing at me behind my back. Talking about me and making fun of me. Watching me and judging. The slight creep of paranoia before it breaks apart into a wider conspiracy of cars and governments and demons...

It's dark and no one is in the room with me. Yet I heard someone breathing heavy into my ear for a full five minutes...

I...I think I just had a very clear image in my mind of going crazy. Not cool.

I have a nice emergency supply. At least 3 or 4 months worth, if I were taking them daily. I can't afford to ever take them daily because I'd rather die than go through the whole withdrawal torture again. As it is, when I do take them I need about two pills, otherwise I don't notice them. Anyway, they don't make me less fearful of the stairs (I discovered that after I took two and went to the clinic, physical exhaustion, and then there was a whole thing that happened on the stairs. Actually, maybe what happened does remove some of the fear. Could be.

How're you feeling today Angelique? Are your thoughts any clearer? You sound a bit better from that post

Thank you. Those kinds of communicational issues have been going on for awhile now. Usually I can overcome them, with enough time to write lol.

There is a wet, freezing blizzard going on outside and I'm going to need some coffee to feel in tune with the weather.