[hobo2000]

I have a fear of being poisoned. I believe I've been being poisoned with chemicals since childhood. It causes me all kinds of strange body aches and pains and other sensations too, like endometriosis or fibromyalgia pains. Some of the sensations are sexual pains and tension in my sex organs. It causes me to feel very foggy mentally and it makes it hard to ensconce myself into anything. I feel like moving a lot and I feel flighty or like I can't focus, but sometimes I just feel really agitated without wanting to move like tense. I used to tense up one side of my body a lot when I would try to fall asleep when I was younger. It's really scary and I feel like I don't know who to trust anymore. I believe these things are happening to me because I'm being experimented on psychologically by the government and everyone is a willing participant in my torment. And people are poisoning me to control me and are trying to give me cancer to give me "chemo-brain" to dissolve my brain to see how it affects my mental illness, like to see if it causes my psychosis to worsen or not. They're going to murder me and take my brain for "science".

I need a hug.

[Sometimes psychotic]

I thought they were putting things in my water....I had the random pains too....mostly in my heart but some sexual.....it all went away with meds though....are you on meds?

[NineOfCups]

Hugs for you.

I often think that my phone is tapped. I unplugged my main line today again, because I think they are listening to it. I know they don't listen to my phone... but I often hear that phones are tapped... so then I start to doubt again, maybe I am listened to. After all, maybe they want to check in on me, see how I am doing.

Hobo

I have people trying to poison me too. It's very stressful checking that everything I eat and drink is safe. They even put traces of poison on the crockery and cutlery too. Very few places are safe. They keep trying to get me to use their food and crockery etc, telling me that cooking it myself makes it safe, but I'm not falling for that. They are very insistent and I hate being forced into things, but it's not safe and I won't endanger myself like that.

Anyway, just to say that I can relate

*Willow*

[NineOfCups]

Beautiful avatar, WeepingWillow... I love Willow trees. They are sad, like me. Always thought they were my friends.

[hobo2000]

Originally Posted by Sometimes psychotic

I thought they were putting things in my water....I had the random pains too....mostly in my heart but some sexual.....it all went away with meds though....are you on meds?

Yes I'm on meds. I'm taking Zyprexa and Celexa.

[hobo2000]

Originally Posted by WeepingWillow23

Hobo

I have people trying to poison me too. It's very stressful checking that everything I eat and drink is safe. They even put traces of poison on the crockery and cutlery too. Very few places are safe. They keep trying to get me to use their food and crockery etc, telling me that cooking it myself makes it safe, but I'm not falling for that. They are very insistent and I hate being forced into things, but it's not safe and I won't endanger myself like that.

Anyway, just to say that I can relate

*Willow*

One day, I heard this person on a bike rode by me and she said in song to me "It's the way you talk", and I assumed she meant the reason I was being hurt is because of the way I talk. I try to be honest all the time, but it's hard to be invalidated so I'm nice and I don't say what I really need to in therapy, but I will from now on.

[hobo2000]

Originally Posted by NineOfCups

Hugs for you.

I often think that my phone is tapped. I unplugged my main line today again, because I think they are listening to it. I know they don't listen to my phone... but I often hear that phones are tapped... so then I start to doubt again, maybe I am listened to. After all, maybe they want to check in on me, see how I am doing.

I have the same thoughts about people tapping my phone. My phone echos and sounds weird like robotic and I believe someone is listening to all of my conversations too.

[NineOfCups]

Originally Posted by hobo2000

I have the same thoughts about people tapping my phone. My phone echos and sounds weird like robotic and I believe someone is listening to all of my conversations too.

Well, sounds similar. I had a voicemail, spoken in a robotic voice. It laughed, and then said a few unintelligible words before hanging up. I deleted it, but it reminds me that some things are real. It was a new phone-number. No one had it. happened only once though...

Originally Posted by hobo2000

One day, I heard this person on a bike rode by me and she said in song to me "It's the way you talk", and I assumed she meant the reason I was being hurt is because of the way I talk. I try to be honest all the time, but it's hard to be invalidated so I'm nice and I don't say what I really need to in therapy, but I will from now on.

I think that sounds like a good plan. It can be hard to speak up for ourselves, but it's important.

Originally Posted by hobo2000

I have the same thoughts about people tapping my phone. My phone echos and sounds weird like robotic and I believe someone is listening to all of my conversations too.

I'm used to the fact that everything I say and do are being observed. It really used to bother me in the beginning, but it mostly doesn't now. Except when I can see their eyes watching me and then I cover them over.



*Willow*

[Nix]

I can relate...I have spent thousands of dollars that I didn't have on organic foods because I was afraid there was a giant conspiracy to poison the population with regular food. I also thought my food was being poisoned in the hospital and wouldn't eat it, and I've thought people put drugs in my bed and in my car that I was absorbing through my skin and it was causing very uncomfortable physical sensations. It's very scary.

I have since been doing very well and don't suffer from those types of thoughts lately. Are you involved in therapy at all? Maybe that could help somewhat.