[OliverB]

Anyone else when triggered or having emotional flashbacks has homicidal ideation or a "I have to kill everyone to be safe" sensation?

[Trace14]

Originally Posted by OliverB

Anyone else when triggered or having emotional flashbacks has homicidal ideation or a "I have to kill everyone to be safe" sensation?

No, and this needs to be addressed with professionals. I hate that you feel this way but taking the life of someone else or even yourself is not going to solve the issues you are dealing with. How do you think that would solve anything? Can you help me understand that?

[leejosepho]

There have been times when I have had passing thoughts of putting others out of my misery -- mine, not theirs -- but those thoughts were far more retaliatory than theoretical or speculative improvement for myself.

[Open Eyes]

Oliver,

These thoughts you are having can be a challenge, it's important that you "never" act on them. If schizophrenia is in the mix with the PTSD it's important that you recognize these are fleeting thoughts and often that is coming from the schizophrenia and you must remind yourself about that and to work on gaining your ability to resist and identify this as part of the challenge and not something to act out on. Acting out on these impulsive thoughts NEVER reduces them or brings any satisfaction or relief.

Now, after taking a look at more of your posting, I can see you have a lot of anger with the health care professionals you have experienced in IP. Well, I think you would benefit if you looked into different therapists outside that system to work with as often these IP programs are crowded and the goal is often more about getting a patient stabilized so they can get more help in out patient therapy work. So, in that goal, they are not looking to invest a lot of time in the patients other than getting them stabilized for "out patient" therapy. Therefore, taking your anger out at these individuals is misdirected in that you wanted more than what that IP program is set up to invest in all the patients that enter into that area of the Health Care system.

I am sorry you went through so much abuse in your history and that you struggle so much now. It's good that you continue to read and learn though Oliver.

[OliverB]

i just wanted to say i wont killanyone beyond fantasy. I just feel I wll be safer if i kill them all

The only option i haveright now is IP, my therapist is on holidays until may and he is the only available, so i cannot get anotherone. He knows these issues, actuallly once I described him my plan to kill a psychiatrist who hurted me a lot.... (I forgot about it with time).

So mentalhealth providers don´t help with this, what do a I do?

About the IP... I wasn't even minimalstabilized when they discharged me

and my therapist who is also a psychatrist told me he sometimes dobut about the schizo diagosi and think I have a pretty severe casue of complex PTSD to the point of psychosis. Pete Walker point out cptsd can range frommild neurosis to dysfunctional psychosi. He is not sure and still add the schizo diagnosis because he says I have bizzarre delusions unrelated with trauma, and it seems whenI have them I am so ut of reality I dn't feel the trauma and I better in general, I become worse when I am in conntact with reality.