Roll Call 96

I'm going to stop seeing my psychologist and stop my injection. I can't have one that says he would give up on trying with me because "What's the point anymore".

Just because I don't want to die anymore doesn't mean he can say **** like that.

I'm not seeing another psychologist because he's known me since my first psychosis.

It doesn't make sense to me and I'm really confused about my decision.

All these drugs didn't give me psychosis so stopping the injection wont.

The psychosis is gone. Sure, I have a bit of positive symptoms, I put my hand over my heart and feel my heart beat until I fall asleep, I check my pulse every less than 5 minutes and many other problems that I can go on for days about but I don't care anymore.

I don't care. I just want to live and have a happy fulfilling life.

I didn't ask for psychosis and depression but that's what happened and I have to deal with it.

My diagnosis for schizophrenia is wrong not everyone that gets diagnosed has psychosis forever.

Just like I said I wouldn't be the one to be addicted to drugs, it's possible to quit just like it's possible for psychosis to stop.

Blablabla my mind is rotten and fried. I hate myself and love live and love me and hate me but can change me.

What ever

Word salad if I shall but I wont

Not sure why i have been seemingly finding everything around me so intricately fascinating and profound. From the trees, to light switches, to the ground.

I'm a lost cause so it's ok to stop my antipsychotic injection

I been up for 2 hours feel like I am fighting an endless battle of getting 6 hours of sleep

I'm sorry you are having trouble with sleep. Do you take anything?

Trazedone and clonazepam

Maybe it's time for a change? I take ambien and have for a few years now. I still sleep well most of the time. Unless I'm really stressed and don't take an Ativan or smoke.

Well my new pdoc upped my trazedone to 100mg and lowered my clonazepam to 1mg

My first pdoc for me addicted to Ativan I am probably sure I will never ever be able to get those again

I hope you'll be able to pull yourself up and out of this relapse. Why did you stop going to therapy? You don't have to answer but I thought it was helping to keep you stable.

Oh well I hope the increase kicks in soon.
Probably not if you were addicted.
not sleeping is used as torture for a reason. It's absolutely torture.

Geeze I guess summer temps are over. The next week is only supposed to be in the low 70's. And 50's at night. Brrr. It's starting already.

Well I am pretty stressed out and this bloody place has taken away my key worker of 2 1/2 years and gave me someone I don't only not trust but only respect! I was told yesterday while going to a doctors appointment that "I did not understand what chronic pain was by my mental health care worker because the person who she brought with suffers from it!" I thought well that was a b!tch thing to say I am in chronic pain all the time! Then I got home and cleaned my entire place so I could have a suite inspection!

Psychotic last night - depressed this morning - now over the ****ing moon! Hahahaha.

That wasn't a very comforting thing for her to say. Everyone who has chronic pain is different. You can't say one is less than the other.
Hope the inspection went well.

How long have you been on the depacote?

Since Tuesday afternoon!

It was chilly this morning. Only a bit warm now.

Hopefully it kicks in and gets your moods leveled out.

That's wonderful, Blue_Bird!!!!!

Im bored but i dont exactly want to goto the wake

My vape is flucked up again. I'll have to move the coil back onto the chimney again. Hate the damn Nautilus tank. Maybe I should get a T-22 top fill tank. I'll just have to find them online.

I hope everyone is feeling OK or better!

I told the therapist what happened Tuesday and she couldn't believe it. Having a hard time sitting around with those morons at the smoke breaks. Sometimes I have to turn my chair around so I can't see them. That helps!

That's basically normal summer temperatures here. Warm even, well, apart from the nightime one.

It's usually still in the high 80s this time of year. I don't think we hit 90 all summer. The weather has sucked. I like the heat don't ask me why I live where it's cold 9 months out of the year. (Yes I consider fall and spring cold).
Is it cold there the rest of the year?

I wish we had 70s...it's been in the 50s lately, lol. Night time in upper 40s. The warmest day this summer was 74.

Yikes. I didn't realize it was that cold there.