Do you ever have an urge to shoot someone?

Before you answer and judge me, hear me up:
It is 11 pm, my neighbourhood has a lot of children (personally my 2 year old sister is sleeping in the room next to mine) and there are some idiotic stupid people who decide that it is their responsibility to blast the whole neighbourhood with their disgusting music. And it might be the side of me who absolutely hates egoistic monkeys like those, but right now I am really sad that we are not allowed guns. Now feel free to judge XD

You really need to talk to someone in real life about these feelings.

Do you mean just imagining it because of anger/frustration, or actually wanting to do it?? Because the former, yes, several times; the latter, no, never and you should really talk to a pdoc about that if that's your situation

*Willow*

Oh no no, I could never actually harm someone. But I can imagine everything really detailed and that brings me satisfaction. But I would never hurt someone. Plus It won't let me.

Sure, don't we all imagine doing bodily harm to others sometimes? I think your feelings are justified. Just don't pull any triggers now, ok?

I already have a mental health report in the government which means that buying something to harm others (except knives of course) is not even possible really, this also includes pepper spray and such, so wouldn't be doing anything with that really.

That sounds perfectly normal, nothing to worry about.

Who's It? If you don't mind sharing...

Well, that's creepy... :/ I'd hate the thought of that!

*Willow*

It is a hallucination I've had ever since my psychosis first started (so when I was 10)He usually likes to mess with me, but in the end if I try to so something stupid I can count on him that he will stop me (through talking of course). He is very good at manipulating me, so it's not that hard for him. It is his name, since he doesn't have a figure, but instead changes with the second.
I'm okay with the government, I already know that they are just making sure that we are safe. It's the police and politicians I don't trust. If they have decided to remove my decision of buying a self defence instrument than I am okay with that. I know that I am a harm to myself at times, and potentially can harm someone else, so by them stopping me from getting a car license, a weapon license, and even declining access to some places and jobs, than fine. It's pretty weird actually because I know a lot of people with psychosis who are very afraid and paranoid of the government. But I only don't trust the cops. Nothing else.

Thanks for sharing about It. I'm glad that It helpfully stops you from "doing something stupid", but it's worrying that he so frequently manipulates you. Do you have a T that you can work on assertiveness skills with to do what you want to do and not what It wants you to do??

I don't trust the Govt or the Police. They harassed me for many years. So the thought of some formal register kind of creeps me out, and that they won't let you even get a driver's license... :/ In the U.K., psychosis would mean that your pdoc decides if you're fit to drive on a case by case basis, not a blanket ban because you've had a psychosis diagnosis. And what kind of places do they stop you from going to?? I'm just curious about how things work in your country, that's all.

*Willow*

In here, if you have been to the psych ward to see a p doc, you already cannot do certain things. We call it an yellow card. Basically they stamp you with an "insane" tag. I cannot drive because in my yellow card it is written that I had multiple suicide attempts. Usually people can clear their yellow card, but since I have a permanent bipolar diagnosis, I cannot. I cannot go to an industrial kitchen or a ship/boat without a supervisor. I cannot work as a cook or as a builder (which as a female it is a hard job to get), and since every other job checks your medical record, that job might decide that I am not fit for it and.. well yeah. It kind of sucks, but once again it's for my safety so whatever. Maybe when I grow up I would be able to clear at least part of my yellow card.