Roll Call CIV (104)

Hunching over?

I have scoliosis the predominate feature of S curvature so I do hunch over!

It has to do with my chest pain.

Whats everyone up to?

Nothing to do today. Bored

I'm eating some dried mangoes hoping I can stomach it!

Not a lot. Brushed my teeth, cleaned my piercing and took my meds. Made plans to call my brother tomorrow to work out some holiday plans. Coming up with other ideas of what I want to do with my life after school.

How about you?

Nothing. Absolutely nothing

I'm having a really crappy day here. Asked for a prn but they're throwing up roadblocks. My anxiety is pretty bad. I don't want to be here. If I try to harm myself they'll send me some place worse. I flucking hate it here. Both my roommates are assholes. They wreck my nights. I want out of this place. They might do away with insurance subsidies for poor people. That means I could go back to the apartment.

What did they say when u asked for something for anxiety?

If I do go back, I am afraid I'll gain like 300 more pounds.

I didn't catch what they said the first time but the 2nd time they said I have to ask my nurse. I don't know who that is.

Im just really upset and sad. Idk what to do. I feel angry

I.pissed off the woman who was involved in cleaning the toilet seat by saying I couldn't do the cleaning. I meant without supplies. Fluck them. Why am I always apologizing? I know why but I'd like to stop doing it. They should lock her in the bathroom with rubber gloves and bleach and make her clean her own crap up.
(The roommate, not the woman who was cleaning.)

Let it out don't let it be put in a bottle and be saved for another time...

Why?

I dont trust myself right now. I think im gonna take a gabapentin. And hopefully itll calm me down. But its a hit or miss med.

I hope it will help. I want a prn still, but now I'm afraid to ask for it.

I want to understand other people because all I do is understand myself.

Reading books watching movies and such.

Then I'm better able to understand my own problems and goals in life.

I just fully opened up to the bf. Im so scared. Im prob digging myself a grave at this point...

Ive just been crying all day. Im so sad. Being alone is the worst possible thing for me. Whenever im alone im miserable and depressed. Its one thing to be alone for one day, but not 4 or 5 days in a row. Im so terribly sad. I just want to be with someone.

Even tho he hasnt replied it feels really good to tell him that and get that off my chest.

I couldn't read it. I always have trouble reading lighter colors on a pastel background.

You could enlarge it tho?

Yes, I skimmed it but white type is difficult for me unless it's on a dark background.

Ok I understand. I cant change it tho because that is Apples message color for SMS. If my bf had an iphone it would be blue but he has an android phone. So i cant change the color.

If you use Apple, you can go into settings, then click general, then accessibility and then invert colours. That's what I do at night so my eyes don't get tired.