[Narcoleptic_cat]

Hi, I am getting worried about some of my experiences. SchIzo runs in my family, and my cousin just had psycosis, and I have been experiening worsening symptoms for a long time although i haven't lost touch inside a delusion. I am F 23.

How did your schizo begin to manifest? Small symptoms or a major break? What happened?

My story- I have not told anyone my story. I will write a short list of things i have experienced. Please tell me what you think.

I have not had any close friends in years. I have one who is long distance but often think aboit ending the friendship because of the emotional toll even though it is an unreasonable assesment. Every person i have become close with aside from my boyfriend I end up ending the relationship by disappearing because I feel used or taken advantage of and cant handle the emotional toll of maintaining the friendship.

I see things Turn corners very quickly, out of the corner of my eye . I see them almost everyday now. I can name the colors of the thing but never pin point exactly what it is. I have a lot of social anxiety even though my job is based of developing customer relations. I am very good at it and well liked. Some days Infeel
like my brain has tunnel vision- the object I am focusing on is so far in front of my but the processing is two feet behind my head. Sometimes everything is the wrong proportion and it looks almost like a fish eye lens or a minor case of alice in Wonderland syndrome or something. Like my eyes pop out of my head to view the world. Sometimes colors are so bright and beautiful I want to kiss the ground.

I smell things- last week I nearly went crazy trying to move my fridge smelling a stomach turning feces scent behind it and on my bathroom floor (I thought it was my wrists but that wasnt the case.) the next day and days after, there is no scent. No feces. This has happened before.
I hear rats in the wall my boyfriend cannot hear. They sound like the size of a 6 week kitten, scratching all night. I cannot find any trace of rats in my apartment. It would not be impossible as the apartment I have isnt the best quality, but i am obsessively clean and I would see the droppings/ chewed pantry items if they were infesting.

I see shooting stars all the time. I thought i was just observant, but now I am second guessing because after a year my boyfriend still hasn't seen any.

I have a lot of deja vu and swear I can pinpoint when it starts and predict what is going to happen for the next couple minutes. I told my boyfriend this and he says tell me when it happens and see if you are right. I am eerily accurate. Very mundane things though. Usually i can tell I visited this moment months ago in my dreams.

I need 12 hours of sleep a night to feel normal and tend to fall asleep if i sit still on any less. It is miserable. Left to my own devices i will sleep exactly 12 hours. I have a very hard time fully waling up and being coherent.

I have struggled with anxiety and depression for most of my life (not so great childhood) but actually do fairly well for myself despite this. I am educated , I have a job i like, and am working on my own business on day.

But i am getting confused and jumble my thoughts and words, I feel likeninam starting to get compulsions I cant control. Small ones. I cannot decide on groceries. I go to the store and I stare at the items because i cannot make the best decision. Ive been late to worl before because I couldnt decide whick snack would be the snack to get. I have to evaluate every pro and con and value calorie per calorie for the money. Or if i feel like I made a conmection with one particular item i can'tbear to choose another even if I want the other item. It isnt always like this, some days are worse. Not wxcessively bad, but I get annoyed with myself and usually can override my
DUmb anxieties.

I take care of myself- i exersise and track my routines and eat healthy food (most of the time). I have passion hobbies. It I have such a hard time every day getting motivated to get out of bed. Sometimes i wont get up until 4 or 5pm, then have to stay up until 4/5am to get everything done becuase i cannot bear to disappoint myself because I know that if i dont work hard I will end up poor and homeless or in a dead end job and want to kill myself.

Sometimes i have phrases I utter almost instinctively to myself when i am alone. I dont know why. Sometimes they change but it has been the same for the past two years. I stop myself from doing it in front of people but have close calls.

What do you think? I have been attempting to make an appointment for over a year but my
Anxiety has stopped me from making the phone call. I've dialed the number and hung up several times.

I don't feel like I have lost grip on my life/reality. But I cannot keep having such a fuzzy headspace. I am a very driven motivated person but there is somethring i fight evwry single day that stops me from being better. I have not been successful in overriding it.

[Vaporeon]

First of all, welcome to PsychCentral. I hope that you find some answers and support here.

As much as your anxiety is keeping you from calling for a therapy appointment, I encourage you to make that call. It sounds like you're dealing with a lot of different issues, and a good therapist can help you work through them. If you need to see a psychiatrist, your therapist can perhaps help you set up that appointment. Medication can often help with racing thoughts and depressed feelings. I think you're already doing some great self-care by eating right and exercising and having hobbies, but you may need some extra support to feel like yourself again. Good luck and keep posting!

[Teddy Bear]

Welcome to PC

[Sometimes psychotic]

For me I’m prone to anxiety too....that being said my psychosis started with a full break....don’t let it get there, it takes forever to recover and even then it’s never the Same again. See a doc and get evaluated and thy can help with the anxiety if nothing else.

[Loose Screw x 2]

Originally Posted by Sometimes psychotic

For me I’m prone to anxiety too....that being said my psychosis started with a full break....don’t let it get there, it takes forever to recover and even then it’s never the Same again. See a doc and get evaluated and thy can help with the anxiety if nothing else.

I agree with Vaporeon. It sounds like you're dealing with a lot of different things. I would recommend seeing a psychiatrist right away. You don't need to be shouldering this burden on your own. Don't be afraid to contact a doctor. I did that for years and regretted it in the long run. There is nothing to fear from a doctor. They are there to help you and to make you feel better.