[ETA: I'm really freaking out that this guy will find this and my post is too identifying and he will know who I am, and then I will never be able to come here again. So I've deleted the specific story, but maybe we can still talk in generic terms about making new connections when you've been diagnosed with sz?]

...But basically this whole thing has me in a thought spiral about how tf am I supposed to make new friends when I've lost my abilities to read people, have interest in people, respond in an emotionally acceptable way?? I have been properly freaking out about this since it started; over a month now! And how am I ever going to handle dating, which I'm not yet contemplating, but need to soon-ish if I ever want a shot at having a family??? Forcing myself to do things clearly got me into this situation with this guy.

------------------

Ok, tl;dr

How do you make friends when:

- you have no interest in people or socialising
- you cannot read people or situations so well anymore (I though a lack of gut feeling meant this guy was ok, but it must've meant my intuition was broken or the apathy was stronger than my gut was??)
- you frequently cannot control your emotional expression (usually blunted, but sometimes anger or uncontrollable crying will happen out of nowhere)
- you cannot cope with frequent texts and requests to meet (I even tried telling him once a month max was all I could handle)

A medal shall be awarded to anyone who reached the end! Sorry guys

*Willow*

Here's your medal:



*Willow*

[Findingreason]

I’m sorry you had that experience with this guy. I did read your whole message. I’m heading to bed in a few minutes but tomorrow evening I will compose a more complete reply to your message.

I have no interest in making new friends, nor going out with any friends hardly. I would be perfect for one of those people that could live on a space station, reading books, as long as i also had solid internet to publish my stuff as side work, so I understand your lack of interest.

I would tell him up front that you just didn't feel chemistry between you two, and then wish him the best. I think it's great you put yourself out there though! Good for you What i found that helps a connecction with me is i cut straught through the ******** of questions like, 'so how about this weather?" and go straight into the deeper questions, like what's your passions and hobbies? Or ask qquestions in a guided way to make a generic question more profound and poitive by asking sommething like, "So what's good in life?" Or ask them, what's the favorite part of themself? From all my years of socializing, I've come to the conclusion that people love to talk about themselves, and the more you tap into what makes them unique the more you two cut through the static and really get to know the essenstial other person.

[Alice_WonderlandCat]

I can’t help you much but I will try. I also don’t have friends. I think that starting the conversation might be helpful. I usually observe before acting. But I don’t think you intuition is extremely impaired. I think it’s more of lack of knowledge about socializing. So I guess starting random conversation about interests.

Originally Posted by Findingreason

I’m sorry you had that experience with this guy. I did read your whole message. I’m heading to bed in a few minutes but tomorrow evening I will compose a more complete reply to your message.

Thank you, Finding. I appreciate that. I know it must be late with you as it's almost 6am here, though idk what the time difference is.

*Willow*

DT - Thank you for your reply DT, I appreciate it. Do you actually have no interest, or do you want to have interest? I think that if I didn't want to have interest and make friends deep down, it wouldn't really be an issue. I could just be a hermit. The problem is that I want to feel connections but can't seem to somehow...

I don't know what "chemistry" is. My understanding is that it's a word sexuals use to mean sexual attraction with another person?? I'm asexual so I have never experienced sexual attraction to anyone. I can find people aesthetically appealing, but that doesn't seem to mean the same thing to me as it does to sexuals. I am demi-romantic though which means that it takes me a long time (the demi-part), but I do experience romantic attraction. Only when I know a person pretty well though, which takes me months because I like to go slow and reflect a lot in between contact.

I told him, before we went for coffee, that I had zero interest in dating him or anyone else, and would only meet for coffee if he was ok to meet as possible friends only. In almost those exact words. How could I have been any clearer?? I would gladly take suggestions on that if you have any because I really don't want this to ever happen again.

Wrt to how to talk to people: I don't have an issue with that. I have taught myself to talk to all kinds of people about all kinds of things because I had/have a bit of social anxiety. People seem to connect to me. As a medical student it was great because patients would be open with me about things they wouldn't with anyone else, and I always got great feedback for communication skills from my observing tutors, so I don't think that's the issue. People still seem to connect to me. Random strangers tell me personal things about themselves, like on the bus and on PMs online. I don't really know why, but it's always happened, and I guess it's nice in a way that they trust me enough to open up. This guy said he "cared" about me after speaking just 3x! I don't know if that was true or not: I don't understand how it can be though. If he did actually care, it must be about the person he thinks I am because he actually knows nothing about me after 3 chats!! But people seem to connect to me. The Myers-Briggs thing says that's a trait of my type, but idk if that's really true or it's like horoscopes and they say all kinds of generic crap that makes people feel good about themselves. But maybe that's why he thought I was romantically interested when I wasn't at all??

The issue as I see it is that I don't know who I've spoken with to take it further with because I don't really feel anything much about speaking with others. And I can't fully trust my intuition. Does that make sense?? So they might connect to me and want to talk again, but I don't know who that's worth doing with. I think that I used to feel a connection to others, like a 'I really enjoyed that' or 'they're really interesting' and want to chat again. But now there's no real wanting, so how do I know?? Is that supposed to be a negative symptom if I want to want to connect with people?? Idk.

Thank you for your response DT

*Willow*

Originally Posted by Alice_WonderlandCat

I can’t help you much but I will try. I also don’t have friends. I think that starting the conversation might be helpful. I usually observe before acting. But I don’t think you intuition is extremely impaired. I think it’s more of lack of knowledge about socializing. So I guess starting random conversation about interests.

Hi Alice. Thank you for your post. I think I probably covered most of it in my reply to DT, so I won't repeat myself. I'm sorry that you don't have any friends but I think your suggestions are a good way for you to try to make some. I also like to observe and reflect a lot, so I don't do well with people who demand instant decisions about things. Often I don't know what I think or feel about things until I've had a chance to mull it over; examine it from all angles. I like to make friends slowly over the course of months, giving me plenty of time to reflect on my getting to know the other person. But I've always been like that and I do have some friends, so I'm sure that there will be people out there who will allow you to go slowly in a friendship.

*Willow*

[Findingreason]

I find socializing a tricky business for me. But I learned in coping strategies for my mental health that having connections was a necessity; despite not being good at social cues, reading people, or coming up with things to talk about. I tend to hermit a lot, and live on the internet. But I've found in my own experience that screening people out online and then eventually meeting up in person allowed me to make connections with controlling what happened. Also, making connections with people who go through similar things makes matters easier for me, because we often have common ground in background and experiences.


When I moved to Connecticut in 2013, I realized a lot of people would start talking to me out of nowhere in the middle of public, which made me really uncomfortable. Eventually I assumed that it was because I left myself too “vulnerable” in how I hold myself. So, I started giving off a “tough aura” about myself to keep people to leave me alone in public. Since moving to Finland, people leave me alone (very introverted culture).

Even then, friends I’ve made in Finland (met online first), I’ve had about 50% of them not work in the best way, and I get this impression I am missing something in the social cues part. It’s tough because I always have been bad at reading people, but it seems to be getting worse as time goes on. I don’t know when someone is upset at me or not. Getting people to contact me in the states during my visit was a 50/50 miss or success as well.

The only way I know how to deal with someone that makes me uncomfortable is to tell them straight up if something is making me uncomfortable. And if it doesn’t work (in person, or online), I will ghost and disappear without another word in sight. It’s the only method I know that works. It’s rude yes, but I do what I gotta do.

I hope this gives something useful; I found it really difficult to organize my thinking here. If you do want to talk at some point, I am available to message. 😊

[The_little_didgee]

I can only answer the following:

Originally Posted by WeepingWillow23

How do you make friends when:

- you cannot read people or situations so well anymore (I though a lack of gut feeling meant this guy was ok, but it must've meant my intuition was broken or the apathy was stronger than my gut was??)

Intuition can sometimes be wrong, especially if you are feeling strong emotions.

Every friendship that I have formed slowly. I rely heavily on what the person tells me and how they behave over a long period of time. E.g. Are they consistent? Do they keep their word?

I also give a person a chance, especially if their first impression wasn't that great.

- you frequently cannot control your emotional expression (usually blunted, but sometimes anger or uncontrollable crying will happen out of nowhere)

Apparently I am not very expressive, at least nonverbally. I know this scares people off, which can be good in a way, because it helps filter out people NOT worth knowing or spending effort on at all.

I'm not sure how to answer the anger and uncontrollable crying. I usually don't reveal those emotions to people I am not comfortable with. Is there a way you can restrain those emotions when around people that don't know you on an intimate level?

When I feel upset in public I find a quiet place to hide from people, while I calm down.

I've never had much success with friendships until I got into clockmaking and machining. I think it is mostly due to the type of person those trades attract. Many are introverted and awkward, just like me. We also have a common interest, which makes it so much easier for me to converse with others.

Deleted.

I'm sorry that you struggle with socialising, Finding

Originally Posted by Findingreason

But I've found in my own experience that screening people out online and then eventually meeting up in person allowed me to make connections with controlling what happened.

Yeah, I'm thinking online might be a good idea, especially if I ever decide to start to try dating. I've never been on forums other than MH ones though, so that would be a new start. I'd have to have a think about what other types of forums there are that I might be interested in... And I think that my walking group and meetup.com are still good ideas to meet people, but I'd have to refuse to give out my number until I'd gotten to know someone WAY better than this time around.

Originally Posted by Findingreason

Also, making connections with people who go through similar things makes matters easier for me, because we often have common ground in background and experiences.

Yeah...I've really had bad experiences with that, especially IRL. I don't respond the same way that other people do to the same things. Most of my friends have MI diagnoses, but I discovered that as we became friends. I don't think starting with MI is a good fit for me; too many bad experiences. But, obviously, everyone is different.

Originally Posted by Findingreason

When I moved to Connecticut in 2013, I realized a lot of people would start talking to me out of nowhere in the middle of public, which made me really uncomfortable. Eventually I assumed that it was because I left myself too “vulnerable” in how I hold myself. So, I started giving off a “tough aura” about myself to keep people to leave me alone in public. Since moving to Finland, people leave me alone (very introverted culture).

It doesn't make me feel uncomfortable, it's happened my entire life. In a way, it's a privilege that people see me as someone they can trust. I'm capable of shutting down the conversations if I need to, and I can also do a 'resting B**** face' if I want to avoid all interaction, so it doesn't bother me.

Originally Posted by Findingreason

It’s tough because I always have been bad at reading people, but it seems to be getting worse as time goes on. I don’t know when someone is upset at me or not.

It must be especially tough if you didn't have a good skill to begin with, I'm sorry You know what the ridiculous thing is - phone emojis are getting so fricking complicated nowadays that I now can't always read those either!!

Originally Posted by Findingreason

The only way I know how to deal with someone that makes me uncomfortable is to tell them straight up if something is making me uncomfortable. And if it doesn’t work (in person, or online), I will ghost and disappear without another word in sight. It’s the only method I know that works. It’s rude yes, but I do what I gotta do.

[ETA: I should've stood up for myself right at the beginning when he crossed my touch boundaries. I hope that I will if there's ever a next time. My improvements with assertiveness are still a work in progress...]

I've ghosted people before. Back before 'ghosting' was even a word! I suck at confrontation, and it would've been banging my head against a brick wall. So, yeah, sometimes you've got to do what's best for you.

Thanks for the reply, Finding

*Willow*

It's really good to see you, Didgee!

Originally Posted by The_little_didgee

I can only answer the following:

Intuition can sometimes be wrong, especially if you are feeling strong emotions.

Every friendship that I have formed slowly. I rely heavily on what the person tells me and how they behave over a long period of time. E.g. Are they consistent? Do they keep their word?

I also give a person a chance, especially if their first impression wasn't that great.[/SIZE][/FONT]

I have always known that intuition can be wrong. I've always liked to list all of the evidence for and against each gut feeling to weigh it up logically...but I still tend to go with my gut. I know that it's not perfect, but I think the subconscious picks up on lots of stuff in the moment that our conscious mind doesn't register.

That's what I prefer too; long periods of time, looking for patterns.

And I definitely give people the benefit of the doubt. People are very complicated and it's hard to know their reasons for doing things. So I try to look at things from all angles to try to see why they might do the things that they do. So, even if someone does something that I really don't like, I wouldn't necessarily end things over it because it might be justified if I understood the reasoning behind it. But if it was a long list of things, like in this case, that suggests that it's likely to continue in this way and therefore we probably aren't compatible as friends.

Originally Posted by The_little_didgee

Apparently I am not very expressive, at least nonverbally. I know this scares people off, which can be good in a way, because it helps filter out people NOT worth knowing or spending effort on at all.

That's a good way of looking at things.

Originally Posted by The_little_didgee

I'm not sure how to answer the anger and uncontrollable crying. I usually don't reveal those emotions to people I am not comfortable with. Is there a way you can restrain those emotions when around people that don't know you on an intimate level?

I would NEVER voluntarily reveal those emotions to people that I don't trust A LOT, so this is very alien territory to me. So far, the incongruent anger has only been witnessed by my family, and only the dog has seen me bawling my eyes out.

Originally Posted by The_little_didgee

When I feel upset in public I find a quiet place to hide from people, while I calm down.

This is exactly what I do if I feel myself getting upset/stressed in general. At least the uncontrollable crying gives me a small window to hide myself because I go as soon as I feel my eyes start to well up. But the anger just appears out of nowhere. And by anger, I mean, lalala having a nice day, get out of the car and just randomly slam the car door as hard as I can as if I'm really angry, even though I'm not AT ALL. And then I get 'what are you so angry for?!' because I NEVER slam doors, even when I actually am feeling angry inside. And people just don't get that the outside expression doesn't match the inside feelings, no matter how many times you explain the incongruent emotions thing *sigh*

Originally Posted by The_little_didgee

I've never had much success with friendships until I got into clockmaking and machining. I think it is mostly due to the type of person those trades attract. Many are introverted and awkward, just like me. We also have a common interest, which makes it so much easier for me to converse with others.

That's what I've found with my walking group and meetup.com - activities are definitely a great ice breaker.

I'm not looking for one person who is going to get every facet of me, or even several. But people to get some of the more important facets would be nice.

Thanks for your reply, Didgee

*Willow*

Thanks, guys! Talking it out has helped me decide that I will keep doing what I was doing in terms of how I'm meeting people IRL, whilst adding in some online searches too, but to take it much, much slower before I agree to meet someone 1:1 and give them my number. This will give me a better chance to figure out their behavioural patterns and what we have in common before opening myself up to any actual risk.

Thank you everyone

*Willow*

Originally Posted by Day Tripper

Deleted.

*Willow*

[The_little_didgee]

Originally Posted by WeepingWillow23

I would NEVER voluntarily reveal those emotions to people that I don't trust A LOT, so this is very alien territory to me. So far, the incongruent anger has only been witnessed by my family, and only the dog has seen me bawling my eyes out.

Your question implied that you revealed your emotions to everyone regardless of who they were. It gave me the impression that you didn't have much control over your emotions.

Why can't you just feel an emotion and not describe it clinically?

Originally Posted by WeepingWillow23

I'm not looking for one person who is going to get every facet of me, or even several. But people to get some of the more important facets would be nice.

That is not what I meant at all. None of my close friendships are one faceted at all. A common interest is a way to meet others and start conversations on a multitude of topics. You know that though.

It feels like you contested my answers, that you had better answers already. Why ask then?

Sorry, I wasn't much help. I hope you have better luck with someone else.

What caught my attention is how you like to reflect for months on what has been said. I know i dislike talking philosophy in person because it's more spontaneous. Online i have more time to pause and reflect. I often reflect on later conversations and notice aggression, or annoyance, or even an insult after the fact that i just dismissed them in the moment. Intuitionally i do just think, "whatever" and move on, but later i think, "Well that was an insult to the entire way in which i live my life." Intuitions are often based on our emotions that nature has refined. There's some intelligence in emotions. The way you describe your situation though, is that they aren't helping you detect ******** when it's thrown your way. So you play it safe and wear your heart on your sleeve, which is always a safe bet.

I have to lean more on native intelligence than intuitions now that my emotions have atrophied due to my anhedonia. What i do is ask questions in a guided way. I don't care for small talk really. I like conversations to be interesting. To do it cognitive, you're going to have to ask about their values and ineterests, and then examine them to see if they are relatable to yours. If they are contrary then you'll find problems eventually.

Originally Posted by WeepingWillow23

Thanks, guys! Talking it out has helped me decide that I will keep doing what I was doing in terms of how I'm meeting people IRL, whilst adding in some online searches too, but to take it much, much slower before I agree to meet someone 1:1 and give them my number. This will give me a better chance to figure out their behavioural patterns and what we have in common before opening myself up to any actual risk.

Thank you everyone

*Willow*

Oh god, if you do it online then you'll have a much easier time. Are you a female? I apologize for my curiosity offends. The reason i ask is because men bombard women online, and then women get the pick of the litter from there. You can safely be anonymous there while you sift and sort through suitors. Men often get disgruntled if they've been denied to much, but that's just the advantage women have online. They have to wear their hearts on their shoulders while being genuine.

I really don't understand this post. Perhaps you could clarify 1) if you are annoyed with me like I suspect, and 2) if so, why?

Originally Posted by The_little_didgee

Your question implied that you revealed your emotions to everyone regardless of who they were. It gave me the impression that you didn't have much control over your emotions.

I said that my emotional expression, when I can't control it, is "usually blunted" and only "sometimes" anger and uncontrollable crying, so I'm not sure where the confusion came from?? It's not a big deal to me that we got our wires crossed somehow though, I was just trying to clarify in my previous post.

Originally Posted by The_little_didgee

Why can't you just feel an emotion and not describe it clinically?

As far as I'm concerned, "incongruent" isn't a clinical word in and of itself. Yes, it is used by Drs, but I also use it all the time to describe, well, incongruent things. I don't know what other word I should use for this anger?? 'Fake' isn't the right word because that implies that I'm pretending to be angry when I'm not. And I can't just say 'anger', because that implies that I feel angry on the inside and I don't in these instances. So incongruent is the only word I can think of to describe behaviour that looks angry on the outside that doesn't come from any internal feeling of anger.

But wrt analysing everything to death, I thought you knew that I do this?? I try to limit it sometimes because it can get out of hand, but largely I like the fact that I'm such a reflective, introspective person. It's part of who I am.

Originally Posted by The_little_didgee

That is not what I meant at all. None of my close friendships are one faceted at all. A common interest is a way to meet others and start conversations on a multitude of topics. You know that though.

I said that as a clarification, not to you but to everyone, as it occurred to me at that point when I was replying that people might think that I'm, unrealistically, expecting one person to 'get' every facet of me, which I'm not. It has nothing to do with your relationships - how could I possibly know what your relationships are like??

And you're right, I do know what you said above, and I agree with you, and I said in an earlier post about meeting people to do activities leads to easier conversations.

Originally Posted by The_little_didgee

It feels like you contested my answers, that you had better answers already. Why ask then?

Sorry, I wasn't much help. I hope you have better luck with someone else.

I genuinely don't understand why you think this? Other than clarifying that I don't bawl my eyes out all the time in front of every random stranger, I actually agreed with everything that you said.

And, even if I don't agree with every single thing a poster suggests, it is still helpful to reflect on the thought/suggestion to be sure that I definitely don't agree. So I'm sorry that you somehow feel that I didn't appreciate your response because I did. Talking to everyone helped me figure out what to do, and your response was part of that, so thank you.

*Willow*

Originally Posted by Day Tripper

What caught my attention is how you like to reflect for months on what has been said. I know i dislike talking philosophy in person because it's more spontaneous. Online i have more time to pause and reflect. I often reflect on later conversations and notice aggression, or annoyance, or even an insult after the fact that i just dismissed them in the moment. Intuitionally i do just think, "whatever" and move on, but later i think, "Well that was an insult to the entire way in which i live my life."

Yes, absolutely! That's definitely me! Like someone will say something offensive and I will disagree, but won't even realise how offensive at the time until I'm thinking about the conversation later on. And then I want to discuss it with them again and they're like 'that was yesterday, get over it!' But I'm just not good at instant decisions and instant reactions because I like to consider everything from all possible angles before I decide how to feel/think/react. Lots of people don't work like that though and they just don't get it. I absolutely HATE it when people pressure me into making snap decisions because I often end up regretting them later on when I've had a chance to think it through.

Originally Posted by Day Tripper

Intuitions are often based on our emotions that nature has refined. There's some intelligence in emotions. The way you describe your situation though, is that they aren't helping you detect ******** when it's thrown your way. So you play it safe and wear your heart on your sleeve, which is always a safe bet.

It's not so much that my intuition isn't detecting it in general, I don't know if that's true, but that it didn't in this situation and I don't know why not. So I'm questioning my intuitive ability at the moment.

But I most definitely DON'T wear my heart on my sleeve. I am generally a very private and reserved person. The examples of uncontrollable crying are so weird precisely because it's so abnormal for me to cry at the drop of a hat, and because it just doesn't feel like they're MY tears because I don't feel sad at all/enough to be crying about it at all, let alone so severely.

Originally Posted by Day Tripper

I have to lean more on native intelligence than intuitions now that my emotions have atrophied due to my anhedonia. What i do is ask questions in a guided way. I don't care for small talk really. I like conversations to be interesting. To do it cognitive, you're going to have to ask about their values and ineterests, and then examine them to see if they are relatable to yours. If they are contrary then you'll find problems eventually.

How do you find people respond to deep questions about values and the such?? I'm curious because most people don't seem to like them. I don't like small talk either, but anything other than that tends to scare people, especially initially. Or maybe I'm talking to really superficial people, idk? But I feel like I have to go slow with the deeper stuff because people would much rather talk about the weather and crap on TV etc. Sometimes I can have a really nice conversation talking to somebody about how much they like rock climbing or whatever, but often mentioning the word "passion" and the like makes people feel self-conscious. People will talk for hours about work and hobbies etc, and that can give good clues too, but I think the deeper stuff scares a lot of people. I think the paradox with authenticity is that we both crave it and fear it at the same time. I sure do anyway.

Originally Posted by Day Tripper

Oh god, if you do it online then you'll have a much easier time. Are you a female? I apologize for my curiosity offends. The reason i ask is because men bombard women online, and then women get the pick of the litter from there. You can safely be anonymous there while you sift and sort through suitors. Men often get disgruntled if they've been denied to much, but that's just the advantage women have online. They have to wear their hearts on their shoulders while being genuine.

Yes, I'm female. I'm actually really surprised that you asked as I always thought that it was obvious from my posts!

Are you talking about dating or making friends?? I've heard you and others say this about online dating and it really concerns me. The last thing I need is to feel harassed. Obviously I would put in any dating profile that I am asexual and therefore have ZERO interest in sexual relationships, but would guys still harass me despite that?? Maybe it'd be better, when I dip my toe into the dating waters, to start with selecting women only in the beginning so I'm not completely scared off??

Thanks for your reply DT, it's given me a lot to consider.

*Willow*

How do people respond to deep questions? That depends on the person. I have one dear friend that told me my life's passion, philosophy, is a neurosis. He never asks anybody questions about anything, ever. But if you start to ask him probing questions about what media he likes, books, Netflix shows, movies, he starts to open up and show a reflective side. He doesn't ask questions, but he will give you knowledge. It's nice to see him open up about shows and books, and what you enjoy says something about yourself, so even through simple questions like, "What have you seen on Netflix lately?" and then probe why, can have give you good information to base character on I believe.

I have another friend who doesn't necessarily disagree with my other friend that philosophy is a neurosis. He thinks it's just a means to argue, so he doesn't often play the game, or at least knowingly plays the game. But he is a comedian, and I understand him through his jokes and how he wants people to play with him in a dialogue. Around women he gives me the creeps... but when it's just guys around he is consciencious. You can never be too consciencious I believe.

Then I have friends who open their entire world up. One of my friends is a musician, but he's kind of a renaissance man. You can talk about anything with him. You can talk to him about anything. He's found a balance.

I always find the most interesting people to be one's that are curious and sincere. I personally wouldn't date a woman who wasn't. Maybe if they don't open up to you then their not dating material...

Online dating for you may be tough since you are asexual. You see the whole #metoo movement on the news, on facebook, and on twitter. The majority of men have libidos that test their character all the time. It's like maintenance work for men, it just never lets up and can rule a man's life, shape their mind in how they think of women, and how they communicate with them online. Definitely say your asexual online. That will be helpful to put an end to sexual flings.

I can't judge how you will be received online, but many men try very hard to find a date and get denied, and denied, and denied no matter how hard they try, and it frustrates them, and they begin to act with a chip on their shoulder. This is why anonymity is nice online. Many messages you'll receive will be generic ones where it could really be to any woman. They are fishing with a big net and just waiting for someone to bite when they send mass, generic messages. Then you'll find thoughtful people who try, and i think that's the majority of people. I could be wrong, I'm only judging by what my dates have all said to me about the dating experience on okcupid. But I've been successful where other men haven't, and have had different women tell me the same experience over and over again.

All the messages you receive, you can then go to their profiles and get a clue to who they are. I think it's striking how someone sums themselves up in one paragraph. It takes a lot of finesse to be genuine, interesting, intelligent, funny, sincere, and leave them with wanting more.

The more sincere, genuine your messages you recieve the better the date will be. I've had awful dates and then some amazing ones. The amazing ones give me hope.

I thought you might have wore your heart on your sleeve because you asid you like to think for months, and it takes you awhile to bond. But i understand.

I dated one woman for a shortwhile... her name was Sam. She wore her heart on her sleeve, and i thought it was good to. Rushing into relationships is dangerous when youre looking for a life partner.

[The_little_didgee]

I'm sorry. Originally I wasn't going to reply, because of my lack of expertise in human interaction and relationships, and understanding or appreciation of your post. I forced myself to reply, which is something I generally do not do. When it takes a lot of effort for me to write up a response (like it did) it is an indication, that I should not be replying to a thread. I know now not to ignore my hesitation.

P.S. I know you are a thinker. I like that quality. I was horrified to read your struggles from the perspective of a clinician. I see you as a human being not a list of diagnoses and other medical descriptors. My words could have definitely been more gentle. Once again I apologize.

Thank you DT, you've given me a lot to think about.

Didgee - There's nothing to apologise for, friend

*Willow*