Roll Call 114

Take care of yourself please... try your best from cutting again. I struggle with it...

The thing is last time i did it has been a year. Idk why i did it now. I do it like once or twice a year now. Thank you erti!

At least you are able to work on it. If you look in the self harm forum people do it way more often and really struggle with it. Be proud that you made it thus far.

Yes i am proud. I did it multiple times a day everyday up until i was maybe 19. I started at 13. My left arm is a mess.

Just got home from RCIA. It was great! We talked about the different sacraments.

I'm already in my pajamas. Like in the door and out of my outside clothes and into my pajamas in one motion

This is so weird. It may be because of where you live? I don’t know. There is also freelancer. I signed up but found a job through upwork so never pursued it.

I was lucky... most of my scares are small and white and since I'm pale as hell its hard to see. I use to do it on my left arm too.

I got denied too.

How are @ofthevalley?

How are you @sometimespsychotic

I think I caused nerve damage from when I used to self harm, parts of my leg/thigh where I used to do that are kinda numb.

Busy day tomorrow. Gotta go to my program, have a group there. Then workout at the gym. Then stop at the library and study/work on school stuff then come home and clean. Woohoo the day after tomorrow I can go grocery shopping!

I’m good. Been busy. Just finally sat down and now I’m catching up.
Sorry to hear about your sh I hate to hear you’ve done that.

I made a survivor playlist on YouTube... specifically songs relating surviving my childhood sexual abuse. I'm looking for more songs that I can add to the list... if anyone has any suggestions I would gladly take them.

Yes. I havent done it in awhile.

Take care!

Im drinking stress relieving tea. Kava tea.

It's really soothing to sit down, relax and enjoy a nice warm drink especially in the winter.

Yes it is! Especially at night or when its raining in the spring. My favorite times ❤️

I’m ok...made it through my last day of work, going out to see the bf tomorrow....gotta uber it. He’s still in the hospital.

Bf is coming over tomorrow too. I love uber. Kinda... the very first Uber i ever took, my driver was a caucasian argentinian. He said he used to work for the argentinian goverment and retired in a mansion in cali and was only doing what he did as a retirement job and was going back to cali soon.

Time to tear myself away from the Internet and read for awhile then maybe get some sleep. Possibly. Might just stay up tonight though
Cause I slept really late today

Talk to you all later or tomorrow!

12 hour Invega snooze

"Suicidal and otherwise depressed patients have had more 5-HT2A receptors than normal patients. These findings suggest that post-synaptic 5-HT2A overdensity is involved in the pathogenesis of depression".

So maybe I'm not sui anymore because Invega antagonises 5-HT2A receptors. (5-HT part means serotonin receptor so I have too many serotonin receptors).

I also think I have way too many dopamine receptors..

It's interesting because psychedelics act on 5-HT2A receptors by agonising them and then antipsychotics antagonise them.

It makes me believe that my beliefs about things and the afterlife are connected with schizophrenia and that psychedelics made my psychosis worse. It just makes sense to me idk..

We need chemicals to think about things.. anything.. and people without psychosis have a psychosis of reality..

"Can schizophrenia ever go away?
Residual schizophrenia — delusions or hallucinations may go away, but motivation or interest in life is gone."

Th e first season was the best. They're 2 hour long episodes and follow them thru 5 years after the surgery. And you see a lot more progress . They cut it down to 1 hour episodes after that season and follow them a shorter amt of time..

I would do the same to appease my voices . It's such a trap. The voices are liars, I have to remind myself of that often...