Roll Call 125

samesies

sooo… something huge happened after work Friday. My boss gave me an option, a dollar raise of be on payroll. I"M ON PAY ROLL! This is a first! No longer will I have to worry about taxes during the worst time of the year. Sigh... Thank goodness!

I only went to sleep at 6am last night. I don't know what happened. Benadryl isn't working at all. It's useless now. I have a rough 8 more work days until I see my pdoc.

Went over to my moms and went out to eat

I wrote something in honour to my dad on Facebook! This is the post:

“Happy father’s day! It’s been 3 years, Even if you may be in heaven I miss you everyday. Some days are easier but that doesn’t take the pain away. There are moments I can feel you as I sit here writing about my day, and time is told when you are here watching over our shoulders with me and Amy who long to see you. You’re are our daddy and will always be tucked in our hearts right along with all the others who have passed before you. So to this I honour you right along side my sister our dying love for you will never be passed along without u present as we gradually make our way through life. Thank you for being our daddy!”

I was talking with my wife and partner and well...I recall that I used to have photographic memory. I wish I still did. What really concerned me was I claimed to think and see the world in four dimensions (or more), and as an interconnected web of realities. Granted I do believe multiple realities exist. But I'm not so sure I had such "abilities" now. >_< I forget exactly when this stuff happened. But what do you guys think? Was that a little weird?

Talked to my mom.

She said she had a near death experience Saturday. She had an asthma attack and thought she was going to die but just HAPPEN to have her inhaler. She just told me if she dies this is probably what will kill her.

I had to take my anti anxiety meds cuz i think im gonna have a panic attack

Today I went to the gym, went outside and tanned, ran some errands, went out to dinner, took my meds, and now I’m watching a movie. Work tomorrow boo.

Right on that's a productive day?

Me? I woke up at 230pm and went to the café to read a couple more sections of Goethe's faust. I love this book because each time I read it I uncover a new mystery. I'm reading it with a companion guide and an annotated edition. I wish I could find another companion guide... This is the book that made me not give up on my bachelor's degree during and after my psychosis. There's two parts to the book, the first part is more accessible, the second is laced with difficult riddles.

Today I made breakfast, ate, cleaned, ate some more, did more dishes and laundry also have work tomorrow and feeling the same way.

had a fun time at the wedding

Just made microwaveable lo mein.

It was delish

Everyone wants to go clubbing. I don't feel up to it tonight so I went home.

I thought my mom would complain but she said I can go if I want.

But anhedonia and heart anxiety today.

I don't want friends anymore

I probably never did since negative symptoms started when I was 12

Do you have that as a diagnosis or you looking up things on google?

Just wondering is all

No I just did a 3 second google to confirm

Obviously I don't mean "confirmed" cuz I'm not diagnosing myself.

The only help I seem to get is you taking my words literally.

Great..

Feeling a bit better. I let what's all on my mind out on an internet chatroom.

I'm gonna try to listen to music.

schizoid used to be under the schizophrenic category in the old DSM . I'm not sure how it's listed in the new chopped up version. schizoid typically don't go thru periods of intense psychosis but have magical thinking problems. the hallmark as u posted is no need for social connections. the difference here and in other disorders is that there isn't a need for social connections vs. other disorders where people crave social connections but for whatever reason are unable to have them (negative symptoms, social anxiety, etc)

people with schizophrenia do suffer from a lack of social connectedness too as do many other disorders. I think psychotic disorders and bipolar disorders are frought with isolation due to the general population not understanding the symptoms of these illnesses.

and it seems to me people don't like what they don't understand

not taking you literally... and I saw you deleted it. just felt like explaining a bit

hang in there tweakster. I go thru phases where I feel I don't need friends too

Good morning/afternoon everyone. How are things going today?

I'm okay. Got back from band. I felt sooo much better about today's practice. Much more confident. The coordinator said I have a very unique voice and in a good way. Just need to hone it in a little bit more. I did harmonies with my other band mate very well he said. Looks like I am lead vocalist for our cover of Perfect by Pink.


What's everyone up to today?

start my new job today at 11

gotta shower again cause I went on a hike yesterday and got hella sweatacious

Morning

Having coffee

I think i found an apartment that’s affordable for the bf and i. We are probably gonna go look at a model on Saturday.

Hey, slept 1 hour last night.. A few nights ago I slept 4 I don't know what's up with sleep, moods and whatnot. Probably stress. I'll go 8 to 10 hours feeling on top of the world and so amazing it's like a rush of pure euphoria. I come up with all this stuff I want to do and don't sleep. Then I'm laying down some days exhausted and barely wanting to get out of bed. I'm not sad, really. It's just like my energy levels have gone completely haywire. I tried to get to sleep last night but there was a baby squirrel stuck in my rain thing outside my window and I tried like hell to get it out, it was too high of a jump for it to make it out. So I did that for an hour then gave up and put a box out there angled up so it could jump up and get out. I haven't seen or heard it today so I hope it was able to get out. Then I have an appointment coming up Friday morning and it takes like an hour to get there so I'm afraid to go to sleep the night before and miss it so I'm going to be up all night again.

Anyway, I got my essay done. Just need to type and revise. Got to the gym today, first time in almost a month! I cleaned really good, started drawing again. I think I'm going to start going to Overeaters Anonymous, I meant to go last year but was doing better with the ED so ended up never going, it seems like a good thing to do with the issues I encountered recently. My friend sent me a list of free summer concerts, so we're going to figure something out so we can go to one or two. Oh yeah, and I decided I'm going to try to be more green. You know, use reusable grocery bags, eat more locally grown stuff and lots of other things. I think it will be great!

Excited. I just checked and for my Intro to Drawing class at college I already have the same exact book we're going to be using, I have it from a year ago when I was initially attempting going to school and was taking the class so I don't have to buy one which saves me $25! That's great. And I still have quite a bit of art supplies. The only things I really need to get will be good colored pencils, some drawing pencils, and a sketchbook or two. That will save me a lot of money!

Newtus and Day Tripper, I'm getting interested in reading philosophy books now, any suggestions for a beginner? The only thing I've really read is Candide by Voltaire which I loved

It's supposed to get really hot here today. The AC in the room doesn't much work. Dreading the heat.

SZPD describes me perfectly. Maybe I'll go back to sleep.