Roll Call 132

I hope this coffee wakes me up

August is really not my month. I scrolled up my convos with fiancé and my best friend, I was badly depressed too in August 2017 and 2016. Not sure why. Maybe it’s the cycle or maybe because my country’s Independence Day is in August.

It can easily be a trigger. what does your country's independence day have to do with your mental health? just being nosey. does it trigger bad memories? anniversary of anything?

I can't believe there's only one more month of summer. This time last year felt like yesterday..

hope you feel better

February is my month. Every year just sucks.

"Psychedelic Mushroom Trials Approved By FDA"

hehe..

Hahahaahaha

Last half of year is my year

Or my time of year i mean

I have no specific time of the year when I feel like ****.

Winter will be fun. I'm like 15 minutes away from a world famous ski hill.

Ugh. My trainee just emailed me a laundry list of stuff. I stupidly opened it and immediately felt that familiar anxiety. I couldnt even read it I marked it as unread and closed gmail. I am really not cut out for work. I have become so easily overwhelmed in recent years.
That seems to be the lasting side effect of my illness. I have become “fragile” in that respect and it’s infuriating. Pretty sure there’s nothing I can do about it though.

School starts Monday!
Excited yet nervous!

Same. It just randomly happens for me.

Tomorrow is gonna be awesome!!!

What's happening tomorrow?

Hi All! I have been following the roll call threads for awhile now. I have not posted because I am too paranoid to post to the internet. Taking a chance with this. I always think I am being tracked. Even medicated I have delusions and paranoia but not as bad as non-medicated. I am glad the work week is over it is tough to work with so much noise in my head. I don’t like to leave the house often. I just go to the grocery store and doctors. I work from home so I stay in my home office all day. I enjoy this thread because I have no friends and listening to everyone helps me. Thanks for being here. I have been on meds since 1991 - different meds over the years. Been stable and unstable since 91. Hospitalized a few times when meds quit working. The last time was 2 years ago. Now. Things seem livable. Good days and bad but not full blown hallucinations right now. All in all things are good, not always easy, but good. Took my meds going to sleep night all!

welp, Campus rush, paint wise is over now. Most students are moving into their new apartments. It's crazy how much they charge for apartments and rooms in A2. I could never live in Ann Arbor. Although my ex girlfriend R had a nice 1bd near campus for like $900 which really wasn't bad at all. But why get that when you can get a studio on the lake for a hundred less? :/

Now I have a bunch of books to read. My boss's father in law wanted me to go to a concert with the fam. He must have seen my facebook profile and saw I liked Dead Sara. Great band, but... Well... I declined.

I've been getting paranoid lately, which is weird considering I upped my dosage of my AP. One of the days I didn't get to sleep I started to open mental doors that are better off left closed. oh well.

I don't need to make it to the bank early in the morning, since I was able to go after work. I'm going to sleep in.

My roommate is pushing me to paint our shed. I call it her "she shed". She sits in there and smokes bowls lol. But she wants me to cut lines around every single 2x4, which is so time consuming. I'd be more incliuned to just use a sprayer and get it all done in 15 minutes. What she's proposing will take at least 8 hours. She really didn't even ask me if I'd do it. :/

On a side note, I did something for the best. I blocked my facebook account so I'm invisible to one of my oldest ex's. I thought of all the cheap shots she took at me the week I got out of the hospital and just blocked her so she can't see my profile. Part of me still loves her, but the way she had treated me was horrendous. She messaged me on facebook a couple words when she was having acute post partum depression and I gave her kind words, but that was just a lapse for both of us. I told myself I'd never talk to her, and I made one exception that day. If she really wants to message me anyway, she can go to my blog and contact me that way. She wont though.

Tonight I had sushi, pizza, and Starbucks. So full. So good. So bad

Took my meds - time for bed!

life is too short to sleep... i wanna stay up forever and feel energized

tweak tweak I'm a bird

Energized pigeon!

look a tweaker is tweaking!