Roll Call 141!

Morning! Coffeeee
I slept great. 10 - 8:30!
Nothing going on today. My husband is cutting wood so I won’t see much of him.
Acupuncture tomorrow. I’m so excited I hope it works. Then the hand surgeon on Tuesday. Going to be an expensive week.

About to make some coffee

Omg...look at this dog!!!
My friend at the shelter sent him to me to consider. Apparently he has vicious anxiety, is medicated, and needs someone home with him.
I read up on him and he is selective with other dogs so it won’t work but I am fwd’ing him to my aunt who just retired.

SP. this reminded me of you
Are you still painting rocks?

I realize I don't care if I gain weight on Seroquel. I will keep eating mostly healthy and exercising, and if still I gain some it's no big deal. I'd much rather be stable than worry about a couple lbs and not being my "perfect" weight.

Many told me I'd probably gain weight on Seroquel. I didn't gain anything, and I haven't noticed any side effects accept those that i need the Cogentin for because it apparently blocks a little too much dopamine.

Morning

My med alarm went off and woke me up

Ugh lol

Oh well took it and had coffee
Im so tiyaaaad

Invega Sustenna was the problem for me, it worked great but I couldn't stop eating and gained 100lbs. Lost every bit of that weight since being off it though

Wrapped up in blankets. Might take a nap

Feeling very off. Detached from reality, like the world is a dream. Also noticing some delusional thoughts - like I'm being monitored by the FBI, my thoughts are being tracked, etc - but I'm able to notice they're a delusion and not real.

I'm taking my meds like I'm supposed to yet I'm very worried about relapse.

Does this sound like the beginning of one?

Random post but sometimes life is too stimulating for me. Anyone know what I mean? Sometimes things are just too complex and I have to take a step back and simplify. It's not that I'm not intelligent or anything it's just I get revved up so easily sometimes I just need to sit down with some tea and look through pictures and art. just anything simple. joke books. etc. Sometimes it's like.. my brain overheats or something and feels like it will explode and needs a rest

Your meds were just increased right? It's good that you can recognize that they're delusional thoughts

Yeah just increased to 160mg.

It feels like my brain is fighting against itself. Part of my brain saying that my delusions are real, part of my brain saying they're fake.

Also I'm watching psych hospital documentaries which is not the best idea when I'm not psychiatrically stable lol

Finally took my decorations off the tree. I have to pack them away still but at least the tree can go out. I was super lazy about it this year. Just didn’t want the holidays to end.
I’m kind of having a difficult time. I feel incredibly useless. Like I need to do something worthwhile with my life.
I used to volunteer at the women’s shelter but my anxiety is too high for that now.
Then there’s the shelter...which I love. But I just can’t follow through on the commitment they need.
For so long I was just mom...constantly needed. Now they are self sufficient and don’t need to be coddled anymore. It’s a strange, humbling, kind of unsettling feeling. Like if I disappeared tomorrow it really wouldn’t be a big deal. Everyone and everything would just continue on without me. As it should obviously but...well you know what I mean. My family would miss me but the rest of the world would remain untouched. In the grand scheme of things I guess were pretty insignificant.
I remember wondering why the world outside of my bubble didn’t stop when my parents died.

I know what u mean. Its like that a lot for me now after my major episode happened back 4 years ago.

I work now. But need like 2-3 days off between a long string of working. Thank goodness i work on my own schedule or idk what id do.

My thoughts are slowing down after I took my meds.

Merry Christmas Eve! Ate a lot of seafood at the boil place. Delicious! Also had a strawberry milkshake earlier today mwahahha.

Slept all night and all day..

Edit: My mood is low. But I feel grounded.

Happy Monday ugh
Slept okay...could have used a couple more hours.
Working for a few hours today then I have my acupuncture appt. of course I haven’t thrown up in 3 days so I don’t know how I’ll know if it’s working lol

I see my therapist todayyy

Good morning

my therapist just came in the store... we said hi

Good morning