Roll Call 143

Just got back from the gym

Morning! It’s finally Friday!!! I thought it’d never come. This has been the longest week. Ugh February.
Finished work. Just drinking coffee and eating animal crackers. I have nothing to do until my son gets home. I’m going to lay down in a bit I guess.

Schizoaffective, PTSD, Anxiety

Fell back asleep for a couple hours

Volcanoes are so fascinating

So tired. Have to go to my appointment soon though

I hope it goes well @Blue_Bird Kit

Hey everybody. I'm just at work like usual. I am doing my bosses job and my job since my boss is in the hospital. She's supposed to get transferred today to some sort of post-operative-rehab. I'm tired from work, and then going to the hospital to see my boss, and then taking care of my bosses dog before and after work. I'm emotionally drained too from the recent SH. Luckily the hallucinations haven't been too bad the past couple of days. Just my mood is depressed like always. Hope everyone is doing good. HUGS Kit

Kiss the brick and kick rocks sis

"We're all born to broken people on their most honest day of living"

The Dopamine Flux
www.thedopamineflux.com

Youtube channel
https://www.youtube.com/user/MozePrayIII

My appointment went really well. We talked about a lot Discussed my mood, sui thoughts, lack of motivation, voices etc.

I told her my concerns about how I've had these problems since 12, so half my life, and wondered if it would ever completely stop or at least get more manageable and stay that way, because it seems like no matter how many good periods I have, it always comes back. One thing though is I had a year where things were perfect, basically no symptoms, which is a good sign she said. And the fact that things were like 10 times worse when I was in the 18-20 years old range. Even though things can get extremely difficult and hard to cope with now, I haven't gone back to how out of touch with reality as I was back then. She said she has read some stuff about sz/sza symptoms improving or calming down as a person ages.

I'm going to do my best to cope and stay positive

So glad your appointment went well Blue_Bird. Kit

Thanks! Hope you can get some rest soon

I feel like I just want to stare at a wall. I'm lost. Dont know what to do and what the point of everything is.

Anhedonia is back

Thanks. Hopefully this weekend! Kit

I empathize with you. I have that a lot. Kit

I don't listen to podcasts anymore. Podcasts were like the only thing that made me happy.

I don't like where I live. Isolated in the mountains. I hate winter.

It's hard to motivate myself to study.

I'll see if I can lower the Seroquel from 100mg to 50mg and see if that helps

I don't know what is wrong with me. I called the mental health clinic to make an appointment with my therapist but they're closed.

Yeah long weekend most take Friday off too. I couldn’t get through to a bunch of providers today at work all closed for the long weekend.

I want more beef teriyaki but I ate it all yesterday. Yes I was sick af but it was worth it.
I don’t know what I’m eating tonight. I was going to make tomato basil soup but I got home too late.
I’m so happy it’s Friday. I’m tired...like whole body and soul exhausted.
I’ve decided to give this therapy **** a chance. I still don’t think I need it for my mental illness but I am going to try to use it to help me work through these feelings I have toward my sister. I realized the past 2 weeks that I have allowed my emotions over the situation and the fallout cloud my feeling for my nephews and mostly my niece. I hate to say this but I don’t like to be around her. She reminds me so much of my sister. They are freaking twins physically speaking, their mannerisms are very similar, their manipulative behaviors are the same...it’s crazy. It just all brings me back to that awful time ya know? But I know it’s not her fault...she was the victim...it’s just too much for me to handle. So I avoid her . Total rookie move. I hate myself for it because I love her like my own...i just can’t stand to be in her presence. Her whole aura sets me off. Makes all those memories and feelings come flooding back. It’s like I’m right back there struggling to breathe again.
It doesn’t help that she leans on me like I’m her mom....always has. She will be 23 but she’s emotionally more needy than my 13 yr old. She requires constant reassurance and guidance to do just about anything. It’s sad and infuriating all at the same time.
I know I sound like an awful person. I swear I’m not. I’d give my life for those kids. They were my practice children lol. It’s just so hard to face that over and over again.
So anyway. I’m hoping that this therapist person can help me work through this so I can have a healthy relationship her/them.
And maybe I can move beyond this burning rage I have against my sister. My daughter asked me if I still loved her...after thinking for a couple minutes I realized I freaking don’t. I truly feel that my real sister died 5 & 1/2 years ago. I have mourned that loss. I think I’m “over” it now. It’s just the anger and hatred. It’s eating me alive.

Schizoaffective, PTSD, Anxiety

So I met this guy 6 years ago today

It was love at first sight for both of us.

Schizoaffective, PTSD, Anxiety