Roll Call 145

The Schizophrenia and Psychosis support chat is open! Discussion will start at 6pm EST.

The soldiers got me thinking really hard about this.. I don't have schizophrenia because the injection kills my personality and what makes me ME. Although it could be negative symptoms which the injection doesn't work for anyways. Although I have amazing writing skills. I just can't talk and when I do talk in psychosis, I make good points and come up with good ideas. I don't know what all that paranoia was about but I know some people with psychosis can deal with it without medication. I want to be one of those people. My family can deal with me being "Crazy". One of the soldiers said "I'm crazy, so what? Deal with it" and he said to do what IIIIII want to do. Not to let doctors decide this life for me. I want to take control of my life. I'm not sick for wanting to stop the injection. It's been long years of medicated and I don't want any more.

I just talked to my sister and she reassured me but I still want to lower the injection. Blue bird did it then went back on antipsychotic. But she lasted a year. Maybe I can last longer and forever.. idk idk..

I'm really confused and don't know what is real. How did that soldier pass the psych test to get in the army? Things like that I have to think about. Then one person joined the room and said how can I not listen to doctors and he called him stupid.

I'm just mainly really pissed off about my negative symptoms. They called me a zombie because he could say more words than I can.

I told my mom to believe me that I'm not sick. My injection is on Thursday so maybe that's why I'm denying I'm sick? That's crazy.. how is that possible that my mind can play tricks on me like this. My mom said if I stop the injection, I won't be able to function but she has to believe me idk maybe I can't function without it but I am very curious to see...

It's not fair..

I want to be fine and stop talking about this stuff.

I want to start smoking again.

I hate myself because people don't like me on xanax. But I stopped the xanax and I feel better less of a zombie.

I made cookies

Problem is Xanax isn’t a great long term solution, often the dosage needs to be increased then once you hit a danger zone you can’t increase more without risking death.

Those butter wafers?

Those were from the other day.. I made more. I didn't know what else to do. It kept me distracted for a bit

I messed with the flour a bit, they came out quite different but still really amazing

Can you try alternative spices and extracts to change them up?

Hope this isn’t too personal but what happened with that guy you were friends with?

Oh question do you have a good recipe for chocolate chunk cookies?

took my geodon and klonopin.

Gonna take my trazodone later.

Grandma is gonna come over and mess around with my bedroom a little

btw my klonopin isnt working at all anymore. i feel no effects from it, may have to switch to a different benzo

Yeah, you can. I've tried them with anise extract before. I'm sure you could do any other extracts also.

It's okay, nothing happened I just kind of isolated for a couple months and I didn't want to hang out with anyone. We talked today and will be hanging out on Thursday, we were gonna today but I don't feel good

I can look, I have a few dessert cookbooks

You should check out this site Cookies & Cups | Always Eat Dessert First I bought her cookbook and it has some awesome recipes in it. she posts tons of recipes on there also

I love cooking, mainly baking or any kind of dessert

@Sometimes psychotic You searched for chocolate chunk | Cookies and Cups

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Awesome!

my phone is on charge. cant post on snap chat.

Im sick of life

I didnt even ask to be here

I wasnt even a wanted birth

did you get into an argument with your mom? Most people in this world aren't wanted births but hey doesn't stop them from living. live your life.

No i didnt. We are actually good as of right now.

Im just contemplating life and i guess a bit depressed. I get depressed at night.

Its weird. I start the day off everyday, with optimism and confidence. Slowly as the day grows old i become very sad. And sometimes have issues with my mental state. Not so much anymore. Usually just depression now.

i see... could be that when it's night time you're alone with your thoughts and you mind wonders.

Its possible. Idk whats wrong.

maybe you should lay down and go to bed?