Roll Call 153

Thanks bb and desoxyn. Yall have been pretty helpful.

"We're all born to broken people on their most honest day of living"

The Dopamine Flux
www.thedopamineflux.com

Youtube channel
https://www.youtube.com/user/MozePrayIII

My negative symptoms or depression is bad today

Paranoid today. worried my messages are being read by people who want to hurt me

Hey for you guys who aren’t on snap, exciting news, I got into library school will be starting in January.

That's awesome!

Congrats SP!

Going to have to start taking Zantac again for the silent gerd. I've been coughing a lot

Thanks guys 😀

I'm so agitated right now

My mom Is feeling slightly better today, for some reason they didn’t give her steroids with the chemo this time. I already sent one note to cheer her up but she hasn’t gotten it yet.

Okay I think I know why I'm so irritable today, lack of sleep and started my period

I hope I can sleep tonight. I still got lots of energy. I gotta work tomorrow.

"We're all born to broken people on their most honest day of living"

The Dopamine Flux
www.thedopamineflux.com

Youtube channel
https://www.youtube.com/user/MozePrayIII

REM sleep is very important for memory and solving problems.

If the brain activity of a mouse is to be monitored while going through a maze, the same patterns are repeated when the brain is monitored when the mouse is sleeping.

When humans study a maze and go to sleep afterwards, they are more likely to get it right by finding best way to go through the maze when the frontal lobe is switched off which shuts off logic and reasoning.

I feel like I've gone crazy/insane and I've passed the point of no return. Meds only works for a little while and then they stop. I feel better when I first get out of the hospital, but then I always get suicidal again and the demons never stay away for good. They haven't even left me in over a year now... They've just been there the whole time, some times better than others. I've started going catatonic in addition to dissociating. Sometimes I'm aware and sometimes I'm not... I feel like there is no saving me at this point... What's the point of trying and fighting if it's all going to be in vain? If it's just going to always get worse again, what is the effing point?

Diagnoses:
PTSD with Dissociative Symptoms, Borderline Personality Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Fibromyalgia and Chronic Pain

Every time I close my eyes I feel like im being watched and am in danger

It's just a thing that happens. There's alway many ways to get better.. just not knowing how.. How are other people well? Their brains are working properly.. You can't give up. Keep surviving. Maybe you don't have the proper treatment team, the right meds, something bad happened to you which you're currently thinking about.. and then there's the maintaining on top of all of those things like taking care of yourself mentally and physically like anyone else would. It's a load of crap that you need to think about on top of mental illness and how to deal with it and be better (But you're just maintaining not going off into the deep end).

It's a lot of work. Then people judge you for what you do and you have thoughts of outside forces playing you like a game.

Everything can be really beautiful, calm, awakening and full of life experience. No one wants to die when the afterlife is a mystery or whether or not it even exists.. if it doesn't exist, then everything that is your ego is what wants to stay alive and the only thing that makes you want to die is the pain.

It can feel like when you're in the state of feeling dysphoric and having paranoia and delusions that you'll be this way forever with periods of just being "OK" in between so like, "Is it worth it?". It always is. It's not a choice because you never know if you're dead.

Try doing things to distract yourself (Coping mechanisms) like making tea, just sitting down and thinking even though it's agony because your brain is trying to figure things out along with the chemical imbalance. Depression and psychosis is a form of addiction because you're always constantly stuck in a loop, feeding off itself. If there was a way to reset the brain to default mode, you'd see that everything that you are can be changed. We're constantly changing and you don't have to be stuck in the hell that you're in.

Mental illness is basically thought loops. When you're stuck in a loop, you don't try to get out of it only and you don't only go along with it. You do both, using humour and spontaneous thoughts to change the curve while not trying to get out of the thought loop completely because if you do that, it just comes back twice a strong.

Thanks desoxyn. I need to remember that maintaining isn't bad in and of itself. Sometimes, it's all we can manage.

Diagnoses:
PTSD with Dissociative Symptoms, Borderline Personality Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Fibromyalgia and Chronic Pain

That's great, SP! How long do you need to be there?

Yes, I have some catatonic features too. I can just zone out without TV or music or anything in one position on my bed and time just passes.

I'm not sure what the point of everything is, but I believe we are tested/challenged on Earth. And life might feel like it takes forever, but we're here and back in the blink of an eye.