Roll Call 153

I just got an email telling me I'm so incredibly loved. I needed that.

That’s awesome!

I was feeling anxious so I relaxed and held onto my stuffed llama, watched a few episodes of south park. Now I just took a shower. feeling much better

I'm on a 6 day streak with Italian on duolingo, it's coming more naturally since I've been studying it on and off for a few years and the college course I took on it. I'm hoping to keep up with studying it, long term and consistently now.

Looking into things that help improve memory. Eggs do, so I've been eating those (not fried of course, scrambled without oil) and music (especially instrumental), art, learning languages, learning in general, exercise, taking walks, getting good sleep. I'm doing all that and it's all helping

SP can you get me the info of how to submit the art I did to madinamerica, for some reason my computer isn't loading the site so I don't know how to go about submitting it

Submit to....art@madinamerica.com

Thank you!

include your name, the name of the piece, a 1-2 sentence description of the piece, and, if you’d like, a link to a personal or professional website.

Sorry just clicked and got this additional instruction

I put all that in and submitted it

I have to say it’s a shame you’re getting metabolic issues already, you’re so young, sometimes I hate APs but they are so needed.

Part of it is my fault tbh. I eat like shyt and barely exercise.

But the AP's definitely have a lot to do with it. I just hope I don't end up getting full blown type 2 diabetes.

Problem is the APs can change your brain so that you crave stuff that’s bad and can’t stop eating....zyprexa especially. I hope you don’t end up with diabetes either but the metformin should help.

Falcs,

I also have high cholesterol, and I got my a1c checked. It's on the higher end of the recommended range.

I will talk to my doctor about the ap and weight gain/etc. But most doctors I've seen dont want to prescribe me metformin. And my previous physician/doctor didnt want to either.

My cholesterol is high as well. I'm working on my diet though. I cut way back on junk food and am cutting it out pretty much completely now with the exception of special occasions and holidays. By junk food I mostly mean sweets, pastries, candy bars , ice cream etc that's the stuff I've been addicted to for a long time. I have an insane sweet tooth.

I think the Vyvanse has been saving me from all these AP problems.

I don't think I've ever had stimulant psychosis before. I'm not sure if dopamine is the problem for me. I've taken high doses of 15+ different stimulants but that was all while on an antipsychotic. Maybe I just hated antipsychotics and needed to balance them out.

I do believe that eating a lot of sugar when I started high school could have caused schizophrenia. A loooott of sugar. 2L bottle of coke a day and sweets.

God reality is so complicated

I'm ok I think. I shouldn't have took a drag from that joint. Never again. Psychedelics = Never again.

I've learned my lesson. But interest in psychedelics seemed to be apart of my psychosis because it inspired me and helped with negative symptoms.. But I wanted the negative symptoms to be gone.. So I tried anything to get rid of them.. It's not fair.. People say it isn't my fault but I don't care who's fault it is anymore.

I can't go insane while my mom has breast cancer. She would be broken if I did. I need to take care of myself. But I want friends and people to talk to.. That's why I talk here.. It's so hard for me to do things..

But this is more coherent than my last post that I deleted. I was just trying to explain what is wrong with me.

I'm sick of sleeping so much. I don't think I physically need to sleep 12 hours a night. Before I know it, I have to go to sleep again. And I do. I sleep another 12 hours. Wtf??

I feel so sad and frustrated. I just want everything to be good and go on a holiday. My ex step dad dying wouldn't affect me. I don't care if he dies or not but he affected me so much. I think I might have PTSD from that, the hospital admissions, the bad trip, etc...

I'm feeling sort of okay today. I'm not feeling as good as yesterday. There's a bit of something pulling on my chest and that's a sign that I'm sad or something. I have to try to figure out something hard at work and I'm stressed about it. I'm trying to be okay. Like I am trying so hard to use the momentum I got from seeing my PDOC and seeing my therapist, to not let the depression take over and put me in a bad spot again. But it's like I feel something pulling on me and I don't know what to do about it. I know that's not a great description, that's just what I can come up with. HUGS Kit

I don't think I'm hiding my depression well today. The GM came to see me and was like, is everything okay? You don't look like everything is okay. Your face is telling me something is wrong. Are you sure everything is okay? OMG! I felt interrogated. I need to be a better actor and just be like everything is swell! Sheesh.

Usually people want to help....

Did you ever get your anchor box?

I know people usually want to help but I don't totally trust the GM and I certainly don't trust him to keep it to himself. He talks about other employees to me, so it makes me think what is he saying about me to other employees? I generally don't mind that people know that I have depression but I don't want it held against me at work, and there again, I'm not sure that it wouldn't be. Other people with disabilities (in this case physical) were not hired and that seemed to be the main reason, so I'm scared I would be discriminated against. Yeah, it's illegal, but it's hard to prove.

I haven't got the box yet, but it is on the way! I got a notification on my phone that it had shipped. Thanks!

Yeah I can understand not wanting to disclose at work....it’s risky.

Yay for the box 😀

My magnets just arrived I think they came out great!

I love the magnet with the butterfly, SP!! They're all brilliant! Really good!

Thanks slumberkitty