Roll Call 155

I have an interview on a mental health podcast out of britain tomorrow.

Wow, that sounds interesting. Let us know how it goes!

I'm feeling ok today, had some anxiety earlier but a nap fixed that.

I'm supposed to go to the library to volunteer tomorrow but I really don't want to.

I hear you @falcon09. I have to volunteer tonight at my Church, to do the books, I don't feel like going to do that. But people are going to want their paychecks so I better go!

I've been wondering why I've been so irritable today, just realized it's from PMS.

That's one of those things that sneaks up on ya.

Yeah it does. I usually don't pay that much attention then all the sudden I realize I've spent the day getting angry over stupid things like noises and feeling frustrated/pissed off and not knowing why lol

Made some chamomile tea

Hope you feel better soon @Blue_Bird

Thanks Kit!

That's soooo cool. I want to be on a podcast

I had to lay down for 2 hours and just think cuz I couldn't do anything else.. Idk why I have to do that..

I'm feeling better now though. I have to do this like every day.

I managed to organize all of my notes though. I feel really organized. My thoughts are organized too.

@Angelique67 here's the link to the post with the art

Spooky Time! | The Daily Blue Bird

Thank you, Blue_Bird! I like your lettering, it reminds me of the beautiful graffiti in the subways in 1980!

I have to ask Tapatalk support why pictures don't open in the app.

Today was a harder day for me. Lots of provocation here from a resident who is incredibly stupid and evil. And there's a creepy bug that keeps landing on me. I hope it's gone now. And I developed a weird rash on my right leg, after the lunch vape break. The sunshine was burning my leg really bad, then I saw the rash on my skin. I don't know what it's from.

I seriously don't want to be here another day. I want to go home now.

I felt slightly anxious so I smoked a bowl of CBD flower. I feel much better. I don't need THC that stuff is maddening. Maybe in the future I'll smoke it once I have my mind figured out.

I was going to learn how to draw but I'll do that later and instead bought every episode of Futurama for 60 dollars. I'm buying Rick and Morty too. I bought Season 2 already.

I saw my therapist today... I just don't know what to think... We haven't made a break through in ages. Maybe this is it, this is as good as it gets.

Life can be ****.

A rapper said, "Just think about it for a second, if you look at your face, Every day when you get up and think you'll never be great, You'll never be great, not because you're not, but the hate will always find a way to cut you up and murder your faith (woo!)"

And so it goes.. We're just brains.. With thoughts.. If we believe in enough of the same different emotion themed thoughts, we feel certain emotions in relation to them.. Then you have one strong emotional trigger that PROVES, EVERYTHING. Because that one thought is the explanation...

We're AI's. Going mad is like a malfunctioning.. Everything you know about yourself and your surroundings is wrong.. Break from reality.. The mind tries to sort it all out and the belief systems.. What is real? What isn't real? Do you trust what you know is real or what isn't?

Then you ask someone/people to confirm it because you don't trust yourself.. It's madness.. What if they're wrong? What if I believe them even though what they say is wrong? What if what they say is true and I don't believe them?

All the problems. All the information that you know is all you know. What you don't know, it has to go through a filter of what you do know.

A voice.. "What was that?".. Something coming from your subconscious.. But you don't believe that.. You believe it's from an external source.. Someone is interfering with your thoughts.. There's no proof. "Technology is so advanced. How can it not be?". And what you see with your eyes is harder to know. Unless you taken a hallucinogen. But even with hallucinogens, you forget that you taken it.

We just need to find the simpler things in life when we're feeling overwhelmed.. Just meditate, take a walk, look at the sunset or sunrise, connect with people. Because all those people don't have a clue what they're doing either. We're all in this together. There's real pieces of **** out there. They manipulate people that have a problem for person gain. They just want and want and want. They never give.

Looking at the map of the world in your mind at America.. "What bastards are controlling this and making these laws and secretly breaking them and causing crimes against humanity? Who's the top **** people or shadow government?" Why is everyone so brainwashed?".

People see through the ******** once people push them off the edge.

"Enough is enough, I've gone mad".

Maybe what it is the break through that needs to happen needs a little more work... usually the things that need to happen take a little time to work. So who knows there may be something that was either overlooked or not thought of.

5 in the morn
garbage day
nothin' doin'
cold out, windows open,
to clear the smoke
hands cold

Morning, having an iced coffee. Therapist later. Going to the library to pick up that book I read a couple years ago "Un-Agoraphobic" by Hal Matthew. I'd like to buy a copy of it sometime, I find it really helpful

Morning

Having coffee too.

Therapy later. Podcast interview later.

Gonna be busy in between.

Does your library have ebooks you can check out? Mine does. I asked for a kindle for my bday to read them. They are pretty cheap. At least the kindles are. 50 something for the lowest priced one, as opposed 400 dollar ipad.

I was sick last night and threw up and it must have taken my Latuda with it I just feel so off today. Messages in music are messing with me. I want to write everything down. Trying not to think about it and stop myself. Sigh.

Yeah they do, I have a kindle paperwhite, it's great

Hugs @Angelique67 I wish you could go home. HUGS Kit