Surviving Anhedonia

Surviving seems to be an apt word to describe what living with anhedonia is like. I'm damaged goods unable to feel mental pleasures or depressions. I can feel physical symptoms of happiness and depression though. I mostly feel negative physical symptoms since I can't conjure up happiness like others. I'm always thinking of death and to be honest, it doesn't seem like a big deal because I don't feel a lot of emotions. I haven't felt emotion since I started on SSRI's years ago. I thought coming off lamictal, the last mood drug that I would be on, would bring them back but to no avail, still gone.

My question is, What's the point of life if you can't feel? Spare me the comforting words that have no emotional effect on me, or that love saves all, because I can't feel love, or passion, or music, or any climax in a movie.

Without emotion my days are extremely mechanistic. I do things because I logically should and my living conditions would be worse off if I didn't.

What purpose can there be in life without emotion involved? It's like I have to live an ascetic life devoid of all pleasure towards a purpose which that wont even bring me pleasure or peace.

After being numb after a long day I routinely get frustrated, then fear, then anger, then I start to drink to try and relax.

I can be humorous, which I believe is a shallow human emotion compared to passion and love. It's hard to be sincere and humorous at the same time and I wont feel the benefits of it.

I wont live a happy life so what's the purpose. And since I have no emotions then I don't feel motivations to spread my wings and do things that would create a more complete flourishing life.

So I live the life of austere, stark reason, or the comedian, which as Jungian types go, I have zero aspiration or connection for or with. Yuck.

What's the point of life if you can't feel anything anymore?!