Roll Call 160!

160 thousand posts. My heart beats 160bpm because I love everything and I solved a puzzle for IQ of 160. It's 160 more miles worth of driving in my car when the sun goes down to think about how to solve my mental illness, Age sweet 160tee is when I die in the year 2156 when I will be uploaded to a computer after anti-aging, when I become a billionaire of 160 billion dollars.

Too much unnecessary cheese? There's never enough!

The world ends in 160 years or less tbh though. Maybe like a couple years before armageddon (According to my friend with schizophrenia in the psych ward).

Thanks

Thanks for the new roll call @Desoxyn!

I'm getting a headache today. I fear it might be a migraine. I had a really bad migraine on Sunday. I feel sad today. And I feel self-destructive. Pastor T says that isn't a feeling, that is is anxiety instead. No, I don't think so. Meeting with Pastor T went okay last night. I told him how I was feeling nothing. He was like, you mean numb, I was like, no nothing. I had felt so many intense emotions over the past five days that I was drained. There was no emotions in me. He seemed like he was afraid of pushing me over the edge. He kept asking me if I wanted to stop. We kept it kind of light. He wants me to reach out more, like IRL. Like in person, or on the phone. He thinks I am too isolated. He says isolation is not my friend. My head hurts so I want to hit it. I didn't want to get up today. I didn't want to go to work today. But I did. Found out the owner's Mom has cancer. I feel sad about that. My Dad had cancer, luckily he beat it, but still. Scary and hard to go through. I wish I could escape me for a while. HUGS all, Kit

Hugs Kit......

Kit, you frequently mention doing stuff or getting together with friends, if I'm not mistaken. So I don't know if I could agree that you isolate. In my case it's true, but not in yours.

Thanks tweaks!

"We're all born to broken people on their most honest day of living"

The Dopamine Flux
www.thedopamineflux.com

Youtube channel
https://www.youtube.com/user/MozePrayIII

Thanks for the hugs @Sometimes psychotic and thanks @Angelique67 for your reply. I do get together with friends at least once per week (sometimes twice) but I think what Pastor T meant was that I keep my problems to myself and I don't share them, and particularly I don't share them out loud. So instead of texting a friend that I'm not doing well, I'm supposed to call that friend and tell them that. Or go see them. I think I get what he means, but it's definitely not something I am super comfortable with at this point in my life at least. Did you get a new roomie? HUGS Kit

Yes, I sure did. So far she's very nice, but unfortunately I was not friendly towards her when she first came to the home. Also, I think she quit smoking, not sure.

I guess I see what your t means. But you work full time, you're around people all the time. If it was me, I'd count that exposure double. And friends may or may not appreciate hearing of our problems. That's why you go to him!

So how's the forum handling so far I think I'm going to go ahead and say it, so what happened to the chat in this site.

So the phenibut is making me productive and I always feel good and have good ideas before I go to bed so this is what I'm going to say to my doctor on the appointment tomorrow;

Mental health;
1. Depression: Been a bit depressed for a month until I wrote this stuff down and back on track like how I was - I usually feel better at night before I go to bed.
2. Psychosis: Having slight symptoms at the end of my injection.
3. OCD: Obsessing more about things and certain rituals like making decisions and repeating things a certain specific number of times.
4. Anxiety: Very low.

Things I’m doing right now;
1. Music: Playing guitar (I’m going to buy an electric guitar) and piano.
2. Exercise: Skiing 1-2 times a week, might do cross country skiing, could be hiking this winter, walking almost every day, thinking of using the gym.
3. Socializing: Being around people a lot (Sometimes to the point where it can be overwhelming)
4. Exercising mental brain: Started a physics course online to see what it takes to be a pharmacologist (Which I don’t think I’m sure that I want to do) - Also I think physics is cool and can be fun (Psychiatrist recommended I do this), Solving hard puzzles on brain game apps and internet.
5. Increase knowledge about things: Listening to podcasts a lot, was reading a bit (But bad reviews on the book I was reading so it put me off).
6. Hygiene: Having a shower almost every day (Having cold showers for 5 minutes when I’m done), brushing my teeth every day.
7. Health: Doing 20 hour water fasts and eating healthy (If asked why: Kills precancerous cells, re-set insulin sensitivity, improve immunity, increase muscle mass, longevity, improve will-power, develop the ability to fast if needed, reduce body fat?, more energy, motivation, mood and focus!, spiritual experience, detoxify from bad chemicals and enhance learning and memory).
8. Sleep: Sleeping 10-12 hours a night.
9. Responsibilities: Taking care of my mom (Washing dishes, cleaning litter box, shovelling snow from sidewalks and emptying garbages every day).

Things I plan to do;
1. Spiritual and relaxing: Meditating every day, watching Netflix or reading before bed.
2. Social: Talking to people at coffee connections from 1-3pm.
3. Responsibilities: Getting a part time job and might go to school part time again.
4. Researching: Investing in stock market, cryptocurrency and day trading (Discord and reddit, psychonaut and investing servers), researching about my moms specific breast cancer, conspiracies, how to make money online.
5. Improve vocabulary and language: Learn about one country every day (Learn Spanish), learning one new English word every day and one Spanish word.

Meds;
1. Invega Sustenna 150mg every 4 weeks (Bring back to every 3 weeks)
2. Seroquel 50mg (Prescribe 4x 25mg’s so it’s back to 100mg if possible) - NEED REFILL
3. Vyvanse 50mg (Allow for 2x 5mg’s of Dexedrine a day in the evening for focus - 60x 5mg) - NEED REFILL
4. Olanzepine 5mg PRN (This helps me to focus without feeling pain and I have 16x 5mg refills)
5. Atenolol 50mg every 12 hours (Stay the same) - NEED REFILL

Supplements;
1. Fish oil (3 a day)
2. Vitamin D (1000ui in the morning)
3. Melatonin 10mg (Every night - Going to stop taking this eventually)

Drugs I’m taking;
1. Marijuana and CBD (Low doses rarely)
2. Phenibut (1g a day - Decreasing)
3. Alprazolam (0.5mg a night - Decreasing)

Drugs I’m not taking;
1. Alcohol (Stopped drinking because of psychedelic flashbacks - Derealization and depersonalization (Dissociation) which causes panic attacks).
2. Psychedelics - DMT, Shrooms, LSD (Taking a 5-10 year break)
3. Cigarettes (Quit 6 months ago and using nicotine gum instead)

Back from T. We were working on how to not get back in my thoughts when I'm alone, and how to remember to take my meds, cuz I rarely forget them, but past month been forgetting them like many many times. Like 2x a week now or 1x a week. Its normally like 1 or 2x a month, if any. She said to place them somewhere I go every morning and to even wear a bracelet if I need to to remind me to take it. And some other things.

We have 2 more sessions. Shes approving me for 15 more through the workforce program. And then itll be like 70 dollars per session after that I guess.

"We're all born to broken people on their most honest day of living"

The Dopamine Flux
www.thedopamineflux.com

Youtube channel
https://www.youtube.com/user/MozePrayIII

My 5 by 5 I gotta paint. I picked it up today.

"We're all born to broken people on their most honest day of living"

The Dopamine Flux
www.thedopamineflux.com

Youtube channel
https://www.youtube.com/user/MozePrayIII

So they moved at least two people all because two roommates were fighting. They poached my best roomie because she can get along with anyone. The person who's here now came from some other room, it's confusing to see without drawing a graph with pencil and paper. I'm guessing one of the fighting roommates moved, but I don't know. The women in that room are divas, so maybe there's too much ego going on there. Maybe they both moved so no one could "win".

I wish I were at home instead of stuck here in my social failures. I'd be eating Klondike bars and Ben and Jerry's, and candy and chips. With chocolate almond milk.

My dental appointment went horribly. It wasn't anything they did, it was me. I was basically having a panic attack during the entire thing and they weren't even doing anything, all they did was take an X-ray yet I was shaking like a leaf the whole time, I was awkward and just ughh it was so embarrassing I feel like they were looking at me like I was a crazy freak and I was getting so paranoid they were talking about me I almost was going to say something and accuse them of laughing at me

Anyway, my tooth is infected and I need two root canals. They prescribed amoxicillin, ibuprofen and acetaminophen. I have to go back Thursday anyway to get fillings unrelated to this, I have to wait till my insurance approves (hopefully) the root canals.

So yay, I get to go back to the place just two days after that mortifying experience ... :/ I really hope next time is better, idk what was wrong with me, I have never been that bad in an appointment before even though they make me nervous in general

Oh, while I was in the building I stopped by the lab to get bloodwork for my pdoc... so that's a good thing

I guess I'll take a klonopin before my next appointment

I think dentists should just keep a dish of klonopin at the register like candy....

I just ordered a set of vintage moth cards so I can occasionally send one to my sister. According to my mom she has it fixed in her mind that she’ll die in the next two years....

That's a good idea, I'm sure she'll appreciate it