Roll Call 170

So exciting!! Good luck, Sometimes!!!

I don't think anyone else would be reckless enough to experiment on themselves like I did unless they're young, immature and on a high dose of Abilify (It made me have "zero insight to risk").

When I was put on the Invega, I noticed a massive difference in how my paranoia went away. I started socializing again - But it was also after the psilocybin overdose. My paranoia was so bad on Abilify but I had no delusions. Now I get delusions.

You can do it! Once you get it and practice it it’s becomes muscle memory and you’ll cruise through it!

Is this the gambling addiction aspect of abilify? You could always sue if you were on the brand....

Oh, I did some extremely dangerous meds when I was trying to do something for my treatment-resistant deperssion.

"- pathological gambling (also known as gambling disorder or compulsive gambling)
- compulsive eating/ binge eating
- uncontrollable or compulsive shopping or spending, and/or
- hypersexual behaviours / sexual addiction
(the “Impulse Control Disorders”)"

I could probably sue them. I'll talk to my mom about it. I'm literally the one that was a very very severe case.

I was also put on it underage when I was 17.

Sorry, I fogot if you have already tried Ketamine or not.

Yeah my mom said that it's legit. She'll help me with it on Tuesday.

Good thing my mom went to law school. She's extremely good with law. Like amazing at it.

I really don’t know. I just get worried and I hear people whispering in my apartment so I assume the worst

I don't know why I signed up for a shift at 10 pm tonight. I could potentially cancel it. I set up shifts at 10 pm from today through Wednesday. I set them up because there were no other available hours for my job. But I am thinking of canceling them. I think I can cancel them without any consequences.


I am also trying to practice non judgment towards myself. It's extremely difficult sometimes. And no attachment.

drinking coffee

Everything you’ve ever dreamed of is on Amazon. Even live pets. I might buy some hermit crabs from them I haven’t had any since I was a teen. I love those little things. Had 2 that got up to 4-5 years old once. So cute.

My brother had crabs..

And so they would crawl out of the fish tank and go under the bed

I don’t think I ever knew that your mom went to law school.....very cool....

Crabs are awesome 🦀

There was a shooting outside this morning. They have this whole street blocked off.

Anyway, I took some klonopin and did some meditation. I’ll do that procrastination meditation tomorrow morning so I can have a productive day.

I feel the need for more kitten....

My mom and me split the money to get some tequila and cherry vodka. Have to make it last. Part of me just wants to chug and get real drunk. But I shouldn’t. Just stay away from it. Getting drunk isn’t even fun it’s just an escape from stress. I have coping that’s better than that. And cheaper.

I haven’t spent any money except my half of the alcohol. Went to some stores and looked around but didn’t buy anything.

We went for a drive today. My mom won like $80 on the lottery so we went around to find a new place to buy tickets. Hopefully we’ll win something with more zeroes attached. Saw some nice neighborhoods we could dream about living in when I’m making lots of money.

I was planning on doing studying this weekend and maybe do a quiz or two or an assignment but the website was doing maintenance all weekend so I couldn’t log on. Oh well. I gotta switch to studying for my exams they’re only a couple weeks away. Eek.

Also I’m trying to think of what three courses I want to take later in the year. I’ve been putting off the math courses because of COVID limiting the options for exam testing but I wouldn’t have to do exams until next year anyway with those courses so I might start. Potentially a math class, computer class, and psychology class.

Anyway I should go sleep now it’s Monday tomorrow and it’s back to the work grind.

Can I just say cog....I’m so glad you’re sharing more of your life with us...

Yeah she became a nurse (Because her mom was one and forced her) and realized that it wasn't what she wanted to do so she got a law degree.

My mom and grandmother had the money to go to the best schools cuz my great grandfather was.. a mason o.o

Thanks I always worry about what I say because I feel like I’m calling too much attention to myself but my psych says that I have to get used to being uncomfortable and then I won’t be uncomfortable anymore so I’m finally getting used to sharing more I guess...

@newtus is Legend Planner the planner you got? I'm looking at planners online since I really need one and that looks like a good one, might get it sometime

This reminds me a lot of me, Blue. To me, this sounds like it is your illness talking to you rather than any other persons.

Hugs!!

Thanks That's probably true, it just feels so real when it's happening

So cute!!!