Roll Call 172

Last thread reached 100 pages!

Imma meditate on stimulant

gonna go back to my grandmas for a bit...

too paranoid

Thanks falcon!

I forgot to take my zoloft and my morning dose of trilafon this morning. Not sure why because I took the other morning meds in my organizer just forgot those I guess.

I took a klonopin, prayed the rosary, did some word search puzzles, and am on pinterest now so that's all helping

Tomorrow after I go grocery shopping I'm gonna spend some time playing the ukulele and trying to learn to crochet 2nd rows

I'm ordering that legend planner Newtus recommended. It looks perfect for daily planning and working on goals

Hugs and much love, Blue!!!!!

I'm excited to grow a San Pedro cactus

Thank you!

Ughh just threw up. Feel like crap today physically and mentally.

Eat something sketchy?

Nope, Thorazine withdrawal makes me really nauseous , always does

God I'm burnt out. I'm learning about cacti. It's a whole new realm.

Will try and meditate today.

How much did you taper? Did you stop it?

Then I'll watch the news again. Idk if I should.

I went from 400mg to 200mg in one night

Every time I’ve lowered my dose In the past this has happened and it’s too much to deal with so I always end up going back to my regular dose

Maybe it’s not worth going off it. I mean being 155 lbs isn’t that bad.

I guess why mess with something if it works , right.

Seems like you're going through a lot - Although you tend to be able to distract yourself well so it's likelier that your mood symptoms could be 100% because of the decrease in Thorazine - Which is unlikely I think - Idk if a decrease in medication can cause suicidal thoughts alone..

In the way where me for example.. was suicidal after drinking alcohol - Really badly. There was underlying causes as to why I was feeling that way. I drank alcohol again - BECAUSE I was suicidal. Then I processed the feelings and they went away.

Idk if this helps as insight or is useless. Take care of yourself. Throwing up isn't good for bulimia recovery - Can be triggering. It reminds me of how I am addicted sometimes to drugs and yet take medications - You have to think yourself out of it and use logic, feelings...

We're not always going to be perfect and the choices we make that we think are good will lead to bad results just like the bad choices we make can lead to good results - Less often than the former though but it still counts.

I usually get inspiration from you cuz idk what I'm quite confused but I noticed that you seem to be doing well, then stop meds and do bad. It's a cycle but eventually you can catch yourself with realization of habit like how people quit doing something when they're ready - In an opposite way. We're changing constantly. Need to dance with the chaos and move with it.

Many jinxes happen and me saying I jinxed you un-jinxes it. It's ok cuz we're all supportive and wants what's best for each other..

Thank you Desoxyn, really appreciate this 🙂 I really need to stop with the messing with my meds. Every time it has the same result yet I do it over and over again.

I finally gave up on never being on meds after stopping them all and having a giant recurrence. Jist not really worth the anguish.

Yeah, I like this as well. I actually went off my meds last week. Back on them now, but it's like a self-imposed rollercoaster. I hate it.

Btw I’m not mad at SP or anyone. I promise. I just need a break. I haven’t been on social media much lately, either. I have so much going on. And I have so many people talking down to me for the various things I’m doing with my life. With the housing thing, and college, and just my books and everything. Some of it is in my head, the lack of self confidence, and I can’t help but feel like a failure to my mom and other people.

Sorry to worry you guys. I think I’m fine. Maybe not. The stress is getting to me physically and slightly mentally/emotionally, but I’ve got it under control for now.

Thanks!

hugs, newtus.