Roll Call 175

bpcyclist · Oct 18, 2020 at 01:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by newtus

Why am I so tired today

Did you sleep? Nap? I have to try to nap maybe every other day.

bpcyclist · Oct 18, 2020 at 02:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Desoxyn

I don't want to do anything. I literally lied down for 3 hours and stared at the ceiling.

Get a coat and get ur butt outside to look at some freaking mountains!!!!!

bpcyclist · Oct 18, 2020 at 02:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Angelique67

And there's the gross yellow stain that gathers on the walls around picture frames and mirrors and clothes, on record albums and CDs, on my poor desk tops, on my beautiful jewelry, on my fingers. The awful grime. I've been watching TCM 24/7 and amazed that actors and actresses, in beautiful formal wear, are puffing away in these gorgeous gowns. I did see a couple of films in which the actress uses a cig holder, and that almost solves the stained fingers and nails. But not the awful yellow teeth. Gorgeous actresses actually willingly having tar all over their teeth! Amazing.

Bette Davis was a chain-smoker and you never get a real close up of her teeth or fingers. And she agreed to some really funky makeup in her 1960s roles so I don't know why she was shy about her teeth being brown. In Now, Voyager you can't keep up with the smoking for a smoking game. If you try a drinking game on it you'll be under the table by the end of the movie.

Oh well. I need my vape. I keep realizing that I can't inhale my vape here until weeks pass and it's an awful, desperate feeling.

One of my roommates makes annoying vocal sounds in her sleep, it's just another thing here.

Is this going to be like March where you think there can't possibly be a 2 week lockdown except it turns into another two weeks, and another, and another and another and 3 months have gone by. They tested me a few days ago and then again yesterday. I lost my sense of taste. I can taste things kind of but not like it was. I'm not that worried because I don't really have other symptoms. Please let me vape! Universe, please let me vape!

Stay healthy, Ange!! Hugs!

Desoxyn · Oct 18, 2020 at 02:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

Get a coat and get ur butt outside to look at some freaking mountains!!!!!

Lol eh I suppose I wanted to lie down and do nothing. I think it was the ashwagandha lowering cortisol so I'll just take the Dexedrine alone today.

I'm really lucky to be living in the mountains. It's like I'm just used to living in such a beautiful place now.

I'm looking forward to skiing this winter though!

12AM · Oct 18, 2020 at 02:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

Can you describe this feeling in more detail for us? I feel this wsy most of the time. Hugs.

Like feeling numb and lost, disconnected from people. This kind of feeling doesn’t last long anymore though. One day is maximum. Used to feel like that for a long period of time, months or years. Now not anymore. Like today, I feel happy and calm

newtus · Oct 18, 2020 at 02:14 PM

Yea i took a nap.

12AM · Oct 18, 2020 at 02:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Desoxyn

Lol eh I suppose I wanted to lie down and do nothing. I think it was the ashwagandha lowering cortisol so I'll just take the Dexedrine alone today.

I'm really lucky to be living in the mountains. It's like I'm just used to living in such a beautiful place now.

I'm looking forward to skiing this winter though!

I would do a lot of fun things if I live at a place like yours and I know you would do a lot of fun things if you live in a big city like I do, we should switch place!

12AM · Oct 18, 2020 at 02:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by newtus

Yea i took a nap.

Was it a good one? When I have a good nap I wake up feeling confused about where I am and which century I am in 😛

12AM · Oct 18, 2020 at 02:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WastingAsparagus

Do you consider this social media?

Yeah usually she does.

12AM · Oct 18, 2020 at 02:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WastingAsparagus

I had a reckoning with reality today while I was driving. It just hit me how bad this year has been and I had a good cry. Anyway, we can only take so much as humans. I am grateful for the ability to let emotions out quite honestly.

I do a good cry once in a while, it’s healthy. Not everyone can feel emotions, even sadness is meaningful. So yeah consider we are lucky

newtus · Oct 18, 2020 at 02:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 12AM

Was it a good one? When I have a good nap I wake up feeling confused about where I am and which century I am in

Yessss I think I took 2 idk. And I might’ve also went back to 200 AD and came back too. Who knows? I don’t!

I saw some dinosaurs lmao

...in my dream. Haha I’m not psychotic.

12AM · Oct 18, 2020 at 02:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by newtus

Yessss I think I took 2 idk. And I might’ve also went back to 200 AD and came back too. Who knows? I don’t!

I saw some dinosaurs lmao

...in my dream. Haha I’m not psychotic.

Hahaha time traveling 😂

Desoxyn · Oct 18, 2020 at 07:45 PM

I feel as if I was born yesterday. I can never sit still - I'm always cleaning, working or planning. I'm so uncertain and in a state of near panic all the time.

The trip woke me the hell up to just under the level of awareness of the average normal person. So I have to work really hard to get to levels that I don't even care about.

I'm not sure about anything - What I want to do and not do, how to react, how to feel. A lot of this has to do with the person on the video chat and what he said to me. I'm traumatized. It's life's sick joke to be a "gifted child" and end up with depression and schizophrenia - To also fry my brain on drugs. I feel like a fraud now.

My grandmother on my dads side phoned me. We talked for a bit and she was asking about my life - Like what I was doing with my money (I said I was buying things on Amazon) and she said "What things?" and I didn't have a clue - I can't access my thoughts.. They all have to be written down. I don't want to impress anyone - I want to be myself and do the things I want but it seems like everyone else is already 10 steps ahead of me. It's wrong to compare but I'm literally comparing myself to every single person on the planet that has at least some common sense that I don't have. I was really really depressed I can't believe it.

I had to take a clonazepam because the phone call disturbed me.

Desoxyn · Oct 18, 2020 at 09:03 PM

Ah just venting..

Gonna lie down and listen to a podcast or fall asleep..

Erti · Oct 18, 2020 at 09:08 PM

I'm a dirty slut.

Desoxyn · Oct 18, 2020 at 09:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Erti

I'm a dirty slut.

No you're not lol idk how to respond to this.. i'm the real dirty twink slut..

I hope you're doing well Erti!..

Desoxyn · Oct 18, 2020 at 10:35 PM

I think I'm starting to get amnesia from the zopiclone or benzos.

bpcyclist · Oct 19, 2020 at 08:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Desoxyn

Lol eh I suppose I wanted to lie down and do nothing. I think it was the ashwagandha lowering cortisol so I'll just take the Dexedrine alone today.

I'm really lucky to be living in the mountains. It's like I'm just used to living in such a beautiful place now.

I'm looking forward to skiing this winter though!

Been allll over the earth. Israel. China. Australia. All over the place. I can confirm that you do live in one of the absolute prettiest places on the planet. No doubt. So lucky. They just do not have mountains and water and foliage like that in places like Oklahoma.

bpcyclist · Oct 19, 2020 at 08:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 12AM

Like feeling numb and lost, disconnected from people. This kind of feeling doesn’t last long anymore though. One day is maximum. Used to feel like that for a long period of time, months or years. Now not anymore. Like today, I feel happy and calm

Oh. Okay. Good. Yay!

Atypical_Disaster · Oct 19, 2020 at 08:52 AM

Hi. I feel like ****.

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newtus The Dopamine Flux Member Since Jun 2010 Location: Ardenweald Posts: 43,644 (SuperPoster!) 14 867 hugs given	Oct 18, 2020 at 02:14 PM #786 Yea i took a nap. __________________ "We're all born to broken people on their most honest day of living" The Dopamine Flux www.thedopamineflux.com Youtube channel https://www.youtube.com/user/MozePrayIII
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Desoxyn Metaphysic Member Since Aug 2016 Location: The Netherlands Posts: 13,016 (SuperPoster!) 7 4,923 hugs given	Oct 18, 2020 at 09:03 PM #794 Ah just venting.. Gonna lie down and listen to a podcast or fall asleep..
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Erti Princess Tutu Member Since Jun 2011 Location: Nowhere Posts: 7,912 12 2,894 hugs given	Oct 18, 2020 at 09:08 PM #795 I'm a dirty slut.
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Desoxyn Metaphysic Member Since Aug 2016 Location: The Netherlands Posts: 13,016 (SuperPoster!) 7 4,923 hugs given	Oct 18, 2020 at 10:35 PM #797 I think I'm starting to get amnesia from the zopiclone or benzos.
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Atypical_Disaster Elder Member Since Mar 2011 Location: Nowhere noteworthy. Posts: 7,145 13 7,354 hugs given	Oct 19, 2020 at 08:52 AM #800 Hi. I feel like ****.
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