Roll Call 177

Sometimes psychotic · Dec 09, 2020 at 01:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Desoxyn

Is it possible that the Invega Trinza injection isn't working? I feel too solipsistic, nihilistic, apathetic, etc..

I want to take ecstasy again (Sorry mods - But it is what it is..)

But anyways, I could write and write and I just don't know how to organize my thoughts. I had depersonalization/derealization last night.

I told my mom and sister today at the ski hill that reality is an illusion and that they're not real. That's horrifying. Olanzepine helped a little bit.. I just need people to relate to philosophically.

I need to create art like Newtus and some of you guys - It would be really therapeutic. I don't have a desk though. I wish I was somewhere else. I always feel like I'm wasting time when I'm doing physical things - And I'm addicted to music (Really badly - It's the only thing that soothes my soul. I want to cry 100% of the time but I feel nothing.. MDMA made me cry literally 40-50 times a day for a week).

I hope to do MDMA therapy in 2022 or what ever when it's legal. It would really help me.

I see my psychiatrist on the 21st. I need to work on motivation. I don't even have motivation to speak. I have "thought blocking" and formal thought disorder.

I wish I could be prescribed more dextroamphetamine because it seems to help at ~20mg but mostly I'm only on 5-15mg.

I said that I wanted "out of this life". My mom tried to make me happy and I feel guilty that I'm not. I remember telling the principal in high school that I wanted to

Possible trigger:

walk in front of a truck

There was nothing even wrong with my life. Like who does that? Someone who's obviously severely mentally ill. This happened before my ex step dad came into the picture. But I feel like my my childhood ended when my mom said "I love someone else" (Other than my dad). It was very irresponsible and reckless of her. She has Histrionic Personality Disorder - People like that are in denial. She knows what she's done to me by being in a constant state of alcoholic destructive ecstasy - But she gets mad when I "blame" her. It's not my fault that I feel this way - Neither is it hers.. But I'm just trying to express why I'm feeling the way I am. I analyze all of it.

And the analyzing thing is constant. I'm always looking for meaning in a way to feel better.

I need to be able to set my mind to doing low dopamine things but this dose of Dexedrine isn't enough. I'm going to ask my doctor for more. I don't want my brain/mind to deteriorate.

I told my sister that I wanted to take too much shrooms again to cure myself at the risk of her and my mom having to take care of me being forever psychotic - It just slipped out of my mouth. So saying that makes me not want to do it at all because it would be my fault in a way. My illness makes me interested in certain self destructive things more than someone with schizophrenia without obsessive autism.

It all killlssss mee. But I'm going skiing again tomorrow. I'll try and read before I go to bed - It's hard without the stimulant though. I'm just constantly thinking of solutions to my problems and go down a hole of misery.

Invega is like risperdal right? If so it’s the strongest d2 binding of the atypicals....you might need something less intense because it’s pretty much crushing dopamine.

Desoxyn · Dec 09, 2020 at 11:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sometimes psychotic

Invega is like risperdal right? If so it’s the strongest d2 binding of the atypicals....you might need something less intense because it’s pretty much crushing dopamine.

What do you mean by 'crushing' dopamine?

It can cause super sensitivity and lead to movement disorders too no?

Antipsychotic-Induced Dopamine Supersensitivity Psychosis: Pharmacology, Criteria, and Therapy - FullText - Psychotherapy and Psychosomatics 2017, Vol. 86, No. 4 - Karger Publishers

+ I take a stimulant.. Which is very odd..

Blue_Bird · Dec 09, 2020 at 12:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sometimes psychotic

All the atypical injections are still not generic so they’re pretty pricey....might want to check and make sure it’s covered.

Yeah that's true. My insurance did somehow cover invega sustenna when I was on it though. I don't know how. Because I have medicaid. but maybe I'll just stick with my pills. All my meds are dirt cheap so they cover them. Thorazine's been out since the 50's and the rest are all generic too.

Desoxyn · Dec 09, 2020 at 12:04 PM

"Background: The dopamine D2 receptor is the common target for antipsychotics, and the antipsychotic clinical doses correlate with their affinities for this receptor. Antipsychotics quickly enter the brain to occupy 60–80% of brain D2 receptors in patients (the agonist aripiprazole occupies up to 90%), with most clinical improvement occurring within a few days. The D2 receptor can exist in a state of high‐affinity (D2High) or in a state of low‐affinity for dopamine (D2Low). Aim: The present aim is to review why individuals with schizophrenia are generally supersensitive to dopamine‐like drugs such as amphetamine or methyphenidate, and whether the D2High state is a common basis for dopamine supersensitivity in the animal models of schizophrenia. Results: All animal models of schizophrenia reveal elevations in D2High receptors. These models include brain lesions, sensitization by drugs (amphetamine, phencyclidine, cocaine, corticosterone), birth injury, social isolation, and gene deletions in pathways for NMDA, dopamine, GABA, acetylcholine, and norepinephrine. Conclusions: These multiple abnormal pathways converge to a final common pathway of dopamine supersensitivity and elevated D2High receptors, presumably responsible for psychotic symptoms. Although antipsychotics alleviate psychosis and reverse the elevation of D2High receptors, long‐term antipsychotics can further enhance dopamine supersensitivity in patients. Therefore, switching from a traditional antipsychotic to an agonist antipsychotic (aripiprazole) can result in psychotic signs and symptoms. Clozapine and quetiapine do not elicit parkinsonism or tardive dyskinesia because they are released from D2 within 12 to 24 h. Traditional antipsychotics remain attached to D2 receptors for days, preventing relapse, but allowing accumulation that can lead to tardive dyskinesia. Future goals include imaging D2High receptors and desensitizing them in early‐stage psychosis."

I think the stimulant might be saving my ***....

Sometimes psychotic · Dec 09, 2020 at 12:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Desoxyn

What do you mean by 'crushing' dopamine?

It can cause super sensitivity and lead to movement disorders too no?

Antipsychotic-Induced Dopamine Supersensitivity Psychosis: Pharmacology, Criteria, and Therapy - FullText - Psychotherapy and Psychosomatics 2017, Vol. 86, No. 4 - Karger Publishers

+ I take a stimulant.. Which is very odd..

So yeah technically abilify binds stronger but it activates weakly where the others block dopamine signaling....that’s what I meant by crushing.....haldol Is stronger too....but yeah the whole stimulant while psychotic doesn’t work for everyone because these two pathways basically fight each other.

SlumberKitty · Dec 09, 2020 at 12:24 PM

SP and Desoxyn, you two are so smart!

12AM · Dec 09, 2020 at 12:45 PM

I think I have rash. Probably allergic to the meds. I’m stopping them and if it gets worse I’ll see the doctor again. It’s very itchy so I put some calamine, cooling medical liquid powder.

Blue_Bird · Dec 09, 2020 at 12:59 PM

I'm getting in the habit of showering daily. It actually helps despite the times I don't feel like doing it, it still always makes me feel better when I actually do it.

I haven't taken any klonopin in a week. I've had panic attacks but I'm doing my best to cope with them. I think the yoga last night helped quite a bit. That's another thing I need to start doing daily again. And sleeping helped too, sleeping like resets my brain.

Learning to replace negative thoughts with positive ones.

Blue_Bird · Dec 09, 2020 at 01:43 PM

Time to read. I'm reading 2 books at once plus some manga (Japanese comics) on the side

Desoxyn · Dec 09, 2020 at 02:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

Time to read. I'm reading 2 books at once plus some manga (Japanese comics) on the side

I always press thx when people say they're gonna read cuz when I do, the more i see I'm like "Ok I'll read for them supporting me".

Otherwise I flood my brain with music dopamine..

Blue_Bird · Dec 09, 2020 at 02:41 PM

It's snowing!!

SlumberKitty · Dec 09, 2020 at 02:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

It's snowing!!

Send some to Southern California! I have new duck boots that I haven't been able to wear because it hasn't rained or snowed!

Erti · Dec 09, 2020 at 03:52 PM

We may be getting the kids back in a couple of months... here’s to hoping.

Desoxyn · Dec 09, 2020 at 05:26 PM

"Additionally, older review data found that 40% of patients with schizophrenia taking a stimulant experienced worsening of psychotic symptoms.2 On the other hand, evidence obtained from several case reports and a systematic review found that stimulants did not cause a worsening of a patient’s positive symptoms, and actually were found to improve a patient’s negative symptoms."

Hmm.. =/

SlumberKitty · Dec 09, 2020 at 05:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Desoxyn

"Additionally, older review data found that 40% of patients with schizophrenia taking a stimulant experienced worsening of psychotic symptoms.2 On the other hand, evidence obtained from several case reports and a systematic review found that stimulants did not cause a worsening of a patient’s positive symptoms, and actually were found to improve a patient’s negative symptoms."

Hmm.. =/

I definitely do better on a stimulant. Without one I barely function. I do worry about when my Pdoc retires if the new pdoc whoever that may be if they will prescribe the stimulant. We'll cross that bridge when it comes to it.

Blue_Bird · Dec 09, 2020 at 06:04 PM

Did 30 min yoga. Going to take a couple walks tomorrow after I go grocery shopping. Trying to get more exercise. Used the stairs instead of elevator when coming back up to my apartment after checking the mail today. I'm on the 3rd floor

SlumberKitty · Dec 09, 2020 at 06:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

Did 30 min yoga. Going to take a couple walks tomorrow after I go grocery shopping. Trying to get more exercise. Used the stairs instead of elevator when coming back up to my apartment after checking the mail today. I'm on the 3rd floor

Great Job!

SlumberKitty · Dec 09, 2020 at 06:11 PM

I'm doing a Covid compliant meet up with my bestie tonight. We are going to meet on my porch (outside) with masks, and stay 6 feet apart. We are going to exchange presents and chat for a little bit. It's going to be a short visit but it is better than nothing. I haven't seen her since March? April? I miss her so much!

Blue_Bird · Dec 09, 2020 at 07:20 PM

I'm going to start studying different subjects on Khan Academy again, for something to do until the fall semester when I can start classes again.

Desoxyn · Dec 09, 2020 at 07:35 PM

I had a really good day today. My mom and sister did to (Skiing). I sent some pictures/videos in snapchat because it was beautiful!

Things won't last.. I'm on a space ship where I have to be responsible and must suffer because that's life..

But yea the vyvanse (Focus) + phenibut (Antidepressant/euphoriant) helped - Cuz at least I'm not like how I was yesterday.. Suicidal, apathetic, nihilistic etc..

I mostly had a clear focus - Snow covered trees, cool dry air, blue sky, sunshine, glasses of coke (I haven't had a sip of alcohol in about a year..).. Very nice.. Skiing through the trees, doing jumps - No care in the world. My mom is still alive and wasn't taken by breast cancer...

Sometimes I feel scared.. Like what's going to happen in the future? Idk.. I find it hard to be objective.. I don't know the meanings to life..

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Roll Call 177

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SlumberKitty Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jul 2018 Location: CA Posts: 27,329 (SuperPoster!) 5 117.7k hugs given	Dec 09, 2020 at 12:24 PM #406 SP and Desoxyn, you two are so smart! __________________ Dum Spiro Spero IC XC NIKA
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12AM Seeker of Life Member Since Oct 2015 Location: Silver Town of Argyra Posts: 4,786 8 5,508 hugs given	Dec 09, 2020 at 12:45 PM #407 I think I have rash. Probably allergic to the meds. I’m stopping them and if it gets worse I’ll see the doctor again. It’s very itchy so I put some calamine, cooling medical liquid powder. __________________ One day I’ll leave my 6 flowers and millions of butterflies 🌹🦋
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Blue_Bird Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jun 2013 Location: Hogwarts Posts: 36,758 (SuperPoster!) 10 14.4k hugs given	Dec 09, 2020 at 01:43 PM #409 Time to read. I'm reading 2 books at once plus some manga (Japanese comics) on the side __________________ My Blog: https://livingwithachaoticmind.wordpress.com/ R.I.P mom 8/6/55-1/15/16 “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
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Blue_Bird Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jun 2013 Location: Hogwarts Posts: 36,758 (SuperPoster!) 10 14.4k hugs given	Dec 09, 2020 at 02:41 PM #411 It's snowing!! __________________ My Blog: https://livingwithachaoticmind.wordpress.com/ R.I.P mom 8/6/55-1/15/16 “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
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Erti Princess Tutu Member Since Jun 2011 Location: Nowhere Posts: 7,912 12 2,894 hugs given	Dec 09, 2020 at 03:52 PM #413 We may be getting the kids back in a couple of months... here’s to hoping.
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Blue_Bird Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jun 2013 Location: Hogwarts Posts: 36,758 (SuperPoster!) 10 14.4k hugs given	Dec 09, 2020 at 07:20 PM #419 I'm going to start studying different subjects on Khan Academy again, for something to do until the fall semester when I can start classes again. __________________ My Blog: https://livingwithachaoticmind.wordpress.com/ R.I.P mom 8/6/55-1/15/16 “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
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