Roll Call 182

I’m painting. When you didn’t mix enough paint and need to go back to a certain part and you can’t make that exact mixed color x.x

Thanks, SP!

I guess I had a few moments of depression and despair right there. While I am (mostly) stable lately, this past couple of weeks have been very trying emotionally on me so I guess my reserves of positivity aren't so high.

Thank you Breaking Dawn. I am hopeful that this new psychologist will do me some good and I am hopeful I didn't fill out mountains of paperwork for nothing. I need to be grateful for the meds because they keep me (mostly) stable and I'm lucky I have access to them. What if I would have lived a century ago? They would have had me locked up in an asylum!

Oh, I hate that! And it usually happens to me too!

Should we master the art of photoshop

Retail therapy: I've had a couple of rough weeks emotionally. Just a ton of stuff going on with my family and then the thing with former T, argh, and something going between me and a friend of mine.

So: I bought a new dress, two new shirts, and two pairs of leggings.

I only feel slightly better.

Delayed gratification though. I ordered them online so I have to wait to get them.

What do you guys think? I think I overdid the light on the ocean and the blue in the supposed to be the same color with the light on the mountain hmm 🤔

Love it!!!!!

Love it 12am!

Blah

What's up?

My sister likes her ukulele that I got her

Thanks guys, criticism is welcome if you have any

😂 😂 😂



I’ve been putting stuff in his amazon cart

I've been off the deep end! Well not anymore.. So maybe shallow waters for a few years.. With very light use of drugs.. I need to step out of the water now..

I always feel like I need to take something in order to do things - But I'll quit weed, kratom, phenibut, rare benzo use and microdosing mushes.. At least for a while.

I'll keep chewing nicotine gum - And then I'll stop that as well. I'll keep drinking a coffee every morning until I die though maybe..

So only nicotine, coffee, meds and vitamins starting today..

I am not doing that well. I just find I get super overwhelmed easily. I am using the skills they teach me in IOP but changing is hard.

On a positive note, I am hosting a philosophy meetup tonight. I don't know where I'll go from here though. I just don't know what job would suit me. I know I could be a translator. It's just really hard to freelance.

What's been helping me lately is knowing each moment is a new moment. I know it sounds somewhat trite, but it has helped me lately.

I need to prioritize, just don't know what to prioritize. I know mental health comes first.

I feel like the MA degree is just stressing me out a lot.

Am still in quarantine. I've been in my room for days now.

I let my sisters cat outside (But I have to watch her because she can run away), sat down in the yard and played some music, checked crypt0, reddit - Beautiful day outside nice blue sky and sunshine.

It's like meditation. I feel very good - No problems at all.

Just was bored for a bit at that time

When I was doing a college anthropology course 2 years ago, I found it really stressful to pay attention and got annoyed a couple of times. I didn't understand the "sourcing" and "references" for the essays but I passed with a C+.. It took up a lot of my time.

So you have to choose the direction of what you really want or else it can be hard to focus.

I noticed that olanzepine helped me to focus but I wasn't taking it all of the time - I am now.

All I really have to do is write a thesis. BUT. It seems like an infinite task.

I don't really want to write the thesis. I pushed myself through the coursework because I could.

Now I can't really even afford to push myself to write the thesis just because of the stress it's causing.

I know people say to push oneself.

But, this seems like something I need to just put to bed.

This is soooo beautiful!!