Roll Call 184

My oldest nephew turned 19 yesterday. I can't believe how fast the time has gone since he was just a little boy. He has matured a lot in the past couple of months. He's had to with all that his family has been through. I can't believe he has one more year of being a teenager and then he will be in his twenties. Makes me feel old. I actually am starting to see him as old too. I wished him well in his birthday card and added "old man" as sort of a joke, but maybe not so much of a joke. He's growing up. It's crazy that my sister has a 19 year old and a three year old and three in between!

Now to play the waiting game

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I'm obsessed I want to invest in stocks but to register the account you need all this information including SIN and ID and it sounds stupid but my mom will notice and question me and I just want to do it on the down-low and not get questioned about my choices. I can see her getting on my case because I owe money and am trying to save money. Plus question how my brain is working because I feel hyper focused on it and I didn't sleep well and ugh.

When I get myself into a better financial situation (maybe when I pay off my Visa card) I'll open up the account and put in some money. For now just pay pills, reduce spending, and put money in savings.

Its good that you called! Don't you hate not sleeping and feeling awful? This is the first step to change that. Could be something simple. Maybe you just need a slightly lower dose. Who knows. Only the doctor can help you figure that out.

I’m also losing weight... I managed to get down to around 165... trying not to eat calories below 1200 but nothing past between 1800 to 2000. Also the kids are home I gotta help keep up with the kids. That’s an exercise of its own and cleaning.

Hello, all! I'm new to this forum. Got Schizoaffective disorder, bipolar type. I feel comfortable here; I like it.

As I'm moving along I'm striving for some self-discovery. That means to utilize things that I seem to hold dear. I would like to be able to discuss my illness with individuals who have been there and back again. I don't go to therapy currently, so this is a step that I hope to take for my well-being. I went through a period of being so down on myself. It seemed like no one was there for me, but I just sort of shirked away everything that people tried to throw at me. I try not to be an emotional person -- or something like that. When it all comes boiling over the way it did, I really wish there was somebody to hold onto. So, here is my chance to have some comforting words my way. I feel lost in the woods, and my illness is some vampire or sprite chasing after me with all its devouring and intimidation. It's attitude to me is like it isn't even me. And I did take psychology classes, but what it is is one big beast.

I got my Invega shot though. They went up on the dose. I'm feeling like in the next few days, it's going to be alright. I'm feeling the affects off it more and more. I'm so glad they decided to put me on Invega. I really did pray they would. (I did not think I could just ask them for some reason). Low and behold, prayer answered. I'm actually feeling safe and sound. Like I don't need to fight back on anything since it is all attacking me.

I really want to quit smoking also. I think that I finally made the decision to quit it forever. I have a pack and a little bit of another pack. Stupidly went to a gas station when I had my mind set on quitting. This habit comprises over half the time I'm awake, and it's time to quit. I'm no distinguished woman because I smoke cigarettes. Have to get it through my head. I'm putting off the de-addiction process because I just think that it will be excruciating. And I did it all these years. I think it's going to be fear of God like. But the doctors at the hospital when I got admitted in July 2019 made me a not addict of cigarettes. And it wasn't excruciating. Bless them. Went back to the cigarettes in July 2020. Stupidly. I feel like I need guidance for this (because I really got it in my mind I can't do this alone). I have it in mind that I am blindly grasping at straws.

I love the sunlight now. One doctor told me to get some sunlight. And I was like a vampire with my sparkling skin because I hardly ever stepped outside. That is my reason for keeping with cigarettes. I am part Native American and my skin is an interesting color. My Grandma Eloise Davis would tell stories of being a half Native American Indian. I look at my skin now and I'm like, "Yes, you can tell it." I cannot wait to tan this summer. I think I'm going to go outside and take pictures of the sun from the backyard again. And quit the smoking. Definitely. Maybe my Mom is more wisdom-atic than I believe about this.

On a Facebook scan of my profile picture, supposed to tell what peoples from what countries you look like said, Polish, Swedish, Irish, and German. And my Grandpa was part Swiss by a family tree look at. Dad's, if I recollect well, his DNA testing, said Caucasian Mountains -- so I thought Turkey. I cannot remember what else. My sister's said "Scandinavia". She made a big show of it. And my Mom's family sigil said English with a wolf on it! I've never done a real family genealogy based on DNA obviously. I'm piecing together this stuff.

Well I forgot to bring me a lunch today so I am having my parents bring me a tuna sandwich. I brought drinks and bananas but nothing to really eat. Where was my head at this morning?

Mwhaha forget me I managed to get the account set up. Just have to wait 48 hours now.

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Well I guess if you can cope with those side effects it's worth it

No I think they live in my attic. when I moved in here I found a hand written note that someone put right where I had hid my spare key

Sometimes I wish I could just go back on disability

Yeah the nurse called me back and talked to me for a minute, he’s gonna leave an email for my doctor since she’s not there at the moment so hopefully someone gets back to me this week

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Blue_Bird, great job advocating for yourself. I'm proud of you!

I can’t remember if he said she’ll be back this week. But either way he also is emailing the medical director whoever that is in case she’s not here till Monday

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Ordered aromatherapy oil, a candle, and flowers. I was looking for crystal too but nothing looked good. Just trying to make my physical surroundings comfortable.

I just bought some yellow poms

"We're all born to broken people on their most honest day of living"

The Dopamine Flux
www.thedopamineflux.com

Youtube channel
https://www.youtube.com/user/MozePrayIII

The medical director/head doctor called me. She wants me to take some of my Thorazine in the meantime until my doctor is back, and she said if I don’t sleep again tonight to call her tomorrow

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It’s a good thing I saved my bottles of Thorazine when I stopped it a couple months ago

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I started taking fish oil again, also been taking vitamin B complex and vitamin E

Going to read. My sister is coming over Sunday so we can make some Italian bread.
Hopefully I get some sleep tonight with the thorazine